189

 These are all the things that I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well.

2. I live in a home I love, in an area I love, and a city I love.

3. Went for a walk tonight and the weather was gorgeous.

4. Got my periods. I like this time of the month. Gets me to slow down.

5. Did some grounding meditation today and came across a few painful  memories. Just stayed with them. I think I have to persist so the charge from these memories are released. But at least it is a start. (This is one reason I love periods. Your mind and heart get attuned to spotting all kinds of resistance.)

188

 A little down with fever but very nice day today:

1. Papa is well.

2. Found my gunmetal slip dress and wore it to a dinner. So happy!

3. Wi-fi was stable today.

4. Met a friend at the Holiday Cafe in Versova. The food really is tasty! We had dimdums and Baos. Then we went to Sancha where the sitaphal icecream was sublime. Finally we finished off with coffees at Barista. It has been spruced up so well after renovation.

5. Really enjoyed the poha today. Cook also made a tasty dahi kathiawadi tadka dish. 

187

It has been a good day. Here are all the things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well.

2. A friend came over and we had lunch.

3. We got sign-off on a slightly difficult project.

4. I had a lovely time chatting with a friend on some work stuff.

5. Someone played the guitar on my request. That was sweet. And really good!

186

Okay, the blog readership is increasing. That is a sweet deal. Lots of work and shifting landscapes of people and power play.

Here are the things I a grateful for:

1. Papa is well. Spoke to him today. He sounded well and happy.

2. Had some tasty granola with a handful of blueberries, milk, sugar, and warm water.

3. Had electricity.

4. It was nice and cool. The cold shower felt very invigorating.

5. I had forgotten to light a diya. Now I lit one and there it is - burning cheerily and steadily, looking like a well-fed tiny baby.

184, 185

 In the middle of work. But we will plough through.

All the things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well.

2. We completed a delivery. It just seemed to go on and on. But got done.

3. Food on the plate, wifi was stable, water in the taps.

4. Safe

5. Have potable water

183

 Really good traction on the blog. Anyway, today was a delicious, great day! Here are all the thing that sparked joy:

1. Papa is well. I did not talk to him today but I got a message from his this morning. He was heading to work in a happy mood.

2. Day began with an interesting training session - learned a few new concepts. Got some good book reccos. So looking forward to getting those books and reading them.

3. Worked on an estimation for one assignment and content analysis for another. That was good stuff.

4. Took some time to reflect on a few things that have happened in the past few days. That was nice. What was amazing is that I made a list of pointers of all the various things on my mind and put them in ChatGPT to devise an action plan for my life. It gave me some beautiful input.

5. I got done with work early and it was a precious, gorgeous evening. I went to Versova to meet a pal. She and I first met in Shelter, a soothing oasis in white and beige. It has a bookshelf with books - mainly for decorative purposes. I went browsing because my friend was late. Oh, what a collection! Here are a few books I found:

• - The Education of Yuri by Jerry Pinto
• - The Genius and the Goddess by Aldous Huxley
• - Thank you for Smoking by Charles Buckley
• - Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke
• - On The Road by Jack Kerouac

 I made mental notes to add them to my cart. And then just before I sat down, I found my old friends that always make me smile - the books by J.D. Salinger. There were Franny and Zooey, Raise the High Roof Beam Carpenters and Seymour: An Introduction.And of course, the familiar cheeky stranger that steals your heart everytime you see it, Catcher in the Rye.

6. My friend and  I had bowls of subtle flavoured, warm and tasty congee. Then we sat and talked for a while. I was still hungry. So we tried out this other place called 'Sozo'. Gosh! It is lovely. It has Japanese street food and it was all so tasty! My friend had the chicken gyoza and I had a bowl of Tokyo ramen with fried tofu served on top. It was awesome!

7. The evening finished off with a safe, delightful ride back home, through Juhu, and it started raining. To see the raindrops fall on the windshield of the auto's windowpane is like seeing rhinestone get machine stitched onto plexiglass - surreal, beautiful, memorable. 

As far as Mondays go, this truly was perfect.

182

The blog is doing well! I have surpassed last month's numbers already and there's still a week to go. It was a nourishing kind of day. Here are a few things that I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. I spoke to him today. He is happy.

2. There was leftover black channa gravy. Cook blended that with besan and made me very tasty cutlets. Had that with jeera rice.

3. Got in a workout. I was feeling lazy but got a few things worked out.

4. Sorted out a professional difference of opinion with someone. I am working on something fresh and new tomorrow.

5. Have a beautiful house, excellent collection of books, and a strong wi-fi network.

Feels good. 

181

 It started off as a desultory day and ended with overeating but still, here are the things I am grateful for, because of the dogged chase for all things jasmine-like. 

1. Papa is well. I didn't speak with him today but there were no frantic messages or calls. That is good.

2. A friend came over for lunch. She is an old friend and we had not been in touch for various reasons. But she came over and we discussed, among other things, Tumbadd and the tendency of some people who only talk about their past achievements became they are not relevant today. This friend and I were very close at one time. When we were in a low paying job, and would go to Fame Adlans or Fun Republic for a movie, I would sometimes wait at a business stop to catch a bus back to Bandra. Rickshaw rides seemed unaffordable. She would stuff money into my hand or my purse so that I had money to take an auto. Today it was good but I felt that something has gone. It will always be an affectionate meeting. But maybe we can both afford lots of auto rides and cab fares has erased something. C'est truly la vie.

3. Cook made some nice naachni parathas.

4. We went to Mokai and had a nice time.

5. She made tea for me with milk powder. It was so nice. My mummy had a best friend who used to make very good tea with milk powder. Strange...how things connect.

180

Tough day. But still, we are building a legacy of bright, shiny glints.

1. Papa is well. I met him today.

2. Cousin came over today. Met her before she returns to Orissa soon. The drive back where I dropped her felt like a Jhumpa Lahiri novel.

3. My cousin gifted a new dress. It's pretty.

4. I have fever but nothing too bad.

5. Got some advice from a friend.

179

 I read about the EY CA today. I am sad - especially when I learned that she was new to Pune and was adjusting to a whole lot. I am not sure if the quick solve is to only hold EY or the manager responsible. Without dismissing this painful event. I have to bring up an alternative. This young girl worked. I have been surrounded by plenty who don't. In a bid to avoid burnout, people are avoiding work altogether. And it doesn't help. 

An aspect of finding work-life balance is an inside job as well. 

There is no getting around it. Sometimes if you are an obsessive personality, you will not have balance even if your company gives you a 6-hor work period. If it's not the job, it's a hobby. If it's not the hobby, it's a relationship. If it's not a relationship, it's an ideology. Balance is possible when we truly learn to detach. When we are not deriving self-value and self-worth only by working ourselves to the ground.

Anyway, this was something I wanted to get off my chest. When I have not set boundaries, very often I have been rewarded by the payoff that I am wanted/ needed/ indispensable. Having or not having a job didn't have too much of a role to play there.

But hindsight is always 20-20.

Anyway, here are all the things that I am very grateful for:

1. Papa is well and I met him today. We had lunch together and it was so nice. Lunch itself was really tasty. I had taken homemade tofu wraps in nachni rolls and hummus for Papa. And our Bengali cook had made really tasty aaloo-poshto, baigun bhajaa, fried tendli, yellow daal and rice. It was so so tasty!

2. Papa and I went to the Kali mandir. The temple was closed - in the sense, the sanctum sanctorum had the grills down. But I could see Ma through the grills - so happy and cheerful she looked. I love the image of Ma Kali - she always reminds of a spirited little girl.

3. Papa and I went for coffee to the Starbucks on Sector 17. It was a beautiful chat we had. Something was bothering me for a while. I asked Papa that it feels as if he and I have the kind of luck or destiny where we will always do more for people than what will be done for us. Without acknowledgment or thanks. Papa said that it was not people. It was life. We do what we can because we can. 

4. Had a fabulous 1 hour walk to Bandstand.

5. The moon truly was bewitching.

178

 I am feeling bereft and quietly brutalized but with still. Filled with deep gratitude that I got through the day (and the day got through me). Here are the things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. He sounded well and happy. He takes an auto to his college. I am not happy about that but I sense that he hurries to hang up if I pester him about not leaving house. So I shut up today. 

2. I completed a storyboard quickly today. I am sort of happy about how it turned out.

3. I am on leave tomorrow and day after. This Saturday also, a cousin might come and visit. But that's in the future. I may have to pitch in to complete the tasks during my days off. But let's see what happens. Today I am grateful for setting up the Auto-responder for being on leave.

4. Cook made hummus at home. Oh man! So superb it was!

5. I ate some nice fruits today.

6. I had a beautiful, tender conversation with a friend. It was sweet. He told me about the trees near his home in Pune. One is a a variation of an elm tree. Every season, it disperses hundreds and hundreds of seeds that float around in the wind. When he was a child, he would chase these seeds with his friends and they would all eat them. I found that so fascinating - that somewhere inside him, there's a tree that grows and sustains him. It's so strange and symbiotic - our present version's relation to a past joy.

177

Today was an off and it was a sweet enough day. I had a crazy nap - long, deep - it felt like an eternal seduction into the quiet. Here are all the things I am grateful for today:

1. Papa is well. Spoke to him and he sounded so cheerful! That was good. In fact, that's the most precious treasure I look for everyday - his joy. 

2. Got a short assignment that I finished in a couple of hours. 

3. I was thinking about money today. I need to earn more and was wondering where to go looking for more work. I felt myself getting into the usual panic mode but I stopped. Whatever else happens, that is the path in my brain that gets rewired. I will not panic or stress about money anymore. When I think about it, I have never actively made a budget but there was always enough for everything. Lately I have been flummoxed about how, even without making a to-do list, sone things get done. Of course, some stuff get left out. But that might mean that tasks come with their own destinies (or timelines). You intervene with some purity and then move out.

4. I started watching House - the medical series on Netflix. It is so awesome! Hugh Laurie is superb!

5. Ate some tasty stuff today. There was hummus with smileys and cucumbers, sliced pears, and stuff. A fried bhindi and potato dish and a masala rice dish.

6. I woke up from my nap, slightly disoriented. Then I just sat around. lay down again, then surfed through the gram. Then just pushed myself, washed my face, wore my harem pants and t--shirt and went to the gym. There was a sweet elderly lady in the gym along with her son. Her son always confuses me with someone else in the building. He confused me again. But his mother, the elderly lady with lavender-dyed hair spoke to me about Bandra of old. Earlier they owned a few bungalows in the area, but now they are staying in my building. It's an interesting phenomenon - how people get nudged out of the areas they call home. This reminded me of strengthening my resolve to work on detachment.

7. After gym, I had a luscious evening. Lit a candle and placed it on the ledge of the window. Beyond the steady flame of a straight, white candle, I saw the city lights twinkling. I genuinely felt a warm thankfulness seep though my heart and veins. It was a lovely feeling. 

176

It was a difficult day. There was some stress eating and a thudding in my head owing to news I heard today. But still, we must be dogged about this practice. So here are a few things I am grateful for today:

1. Papa is well.

2. Had a really good conversation with an old friend who I reconnected through work. We talked a little bit about poetry we read. What is it about poetry? The way even the hardened, gnarled root in our heart softens and we offer ourselves to soak up bleeding rainbows? 

3. Both my help came to work today. It was nice.

4. I was completely wiped by 8 pm. This was a good feeling. Exhaustion too is an interesting form of life.

5. There was good wifi, I was not blocked from using Netbanking services, and there was water today. 

175

 Well, we have crossed half the month of September. Feels like a little bit of a victory. Not that not crossing it would have been anything of a failure. Anyway, here are a few things that I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. We spoke today. There are some new developments that I am not crazy about. But I am really going to try and keep my cool about things. The other day I met some friends and it seems that all of our individual and collective problems seem to be an inability to stay present in the situation. And our inability to trust and surrender. I think this year I will break this bondage - of always worrying about the future.

2. Really enjoyed Buckingham Murders. Kareena Kapoor is mighty fine. As is Ranveer Brar. The movie, I thought, could have dwelled a little more in silences and quietness. It's not as if you can't guess the identity of the murderer midway (I did). But as good police proedurals go, the plot is not the point. 

3. Got a good facial after ages - maybe after 10 years. I was just feeling really run-down. The Urban Company facialist was sweet and so polite.

4. Quite enjoyed the rajira atta cucumber paratha that my cook made.

5. Am having a quick cuppa noodles as I type this. It's extra spicy. Yummy.

6. I returned from Fun Republic close to midnight and the streets were lit and happy with pandals serving late dinners. This feeling of safety in the dark in a big megalopolis is a different kind of exhilaration.

174

 The blog is getting more popular, I see. Interesting. I was very tired and out of sorts yesterday. Scrambled to the bank to get money but it was closed. Still, the fact that I am sitting here typing away at my blog means that I have survived the day and have something good to relay about what went down.

Here's a quick picture of what it's like tonight.

I am wearing a very soft tee-shirt that now has holes in them but it is soft as a whisper, as a roomali roti (same colour too) and a crimson scarf as wrap-around to open the door tomorrow morning, etc. These are nightclothes, yes, but oddly chic and comfortable. It's good enough to get on a ferry and sail away to the moon. 

Okay - so what are all the things that I am grateful for today:

1. Papa is well. We didn't speak today but there were no urgent or panic calls. So all good.

2. I had the most excellent service at the Geetanjali salon. They wax eyebrows, not thread them. I prefer this and now my eyebrows are looking so well-defined and sharp. I love them! The lady who waxes eyebrows is from Manipur - sweet, gentle, and just so skilfull.

3. Met some friends for dinner at One8Commune in Juhu. I love Juhu! The restaurant was spacious and very well decorated - distressed walls that don't look like rundown dungeon (could be the palette of ecru and eggshell they have going on). And the food was inventive and tasty. (I strongly recommend this place.)

4. My friend, Chi, loaned me a couple of books on Forensics. I am so delighted and really looking forward to reading it. There's a book on cold cases. Really eager to read it.

5. There was enough money in the bank to enjoy an impromptu dinner with friends, take a rick to Juhu, get a nice salon treatment, and send some money to a friend who needed it. Really thankful that I have this much.

173

 A day began and a day ended. A few things that I am grateful for. It's a Friday - the last day of the week so I can unwind and take the time with my list. To set the scene - it is nearly 4:30 a.m. I had started this post around midnight but then slept off for a bit, watched a ton of YouTube shorts (Two Broke Girls is really growing on me) and faffed around. But here I am after winding down and this post today is a precious little piece of life:

1. Papa is well. He called today which is a rarity. Usually I am the one calling. But we spoke. He sounded well. He said that he is still working 3-4 hours a day and really enjoying it. I told him to stop working - I'm earning enough and all that. He said that it is not for the money (which knowing the kind of raw deals my father gets, I know he will not get paid), but he likes it. I am not in favor of him working but then, I am trying really hard to detach myself and let him do whatever makes him happy. Sometimes I think I have caused more grief by trying to protect people from unhappiness. Anyway, he is healthy, happy, and occupied. That is a prize.

2. I had a glass of chilled coconut water earlier today. It was such a delicious sundowner. Actually it was part sunset - mid moonriser instead. It was nice to sip something fresh at night.

3. There's a dish my cook makes with leftover rice. (Today I was having some unpolished rice.) She fries it with dry-roasted chillies, cumin seeds, haldi, green chilli, onions, and maybe a little tomato. It is so tasy - and it actually tastes better when made with left-over rice instead of fresh rice.

4. There was some old croissant that I toasted hard with butter. My cleaning lady and I split that for lunch and had it with some hashbrowns and tea. It was nice. 

5. The bowl of melons, papayas, and kiwis made for such a pretty fruit bowl. Nowadays I am having fruits for health reasons. I don't care much for them. But the palette of freshly cut fruits is quite something. It makes your heart smile. 

6. We had a tough delivery today - two deliveries actually. We managed to do this. It's odd - how you can feel that something is tight and tough but I will put up with anything as long as I get to write or storyboard. I love that. I wish I did one storyboard everyday. But nowadays I have to lead teams and all that. That is also good and it is interesting to see how similar people are and keenly they start displaying characters that you have seen emerge in your own personality - good or bad. But honestly, it may not even be accurate to label these traits. Every trait serves a purpose.

7. I have been sitting at the laptop and sipping a Diet Coke. Outside the sun is just coming up. Sweet little blessing glimpses through. 

172

This day just got gobbled up. Not particularly happy with the way things went. But here goes:

1. Papa is well.

2. Managed to make it to the gym.

3. Had water, electricity and stuff.

4. Enjoyed the leftover Chinese food.

5. Managed to make it to the gym.

171

 I really don't feel like writing today. A lot has happened.

But here goes:

1. Papa is well.

2. I am safe despite what happened.

3. There was food, water, electricity.

4. Had a lovely soothing Chinese dinner at Marriot, Juhu. Very sweet, warm waiter.

5. Had a nice rickshaw ride.

170

I am so exhausted. It feels like an enduring exhaustion too. But that's okay. We got through the day and there is stuff to be grateful for. Let's begin.

1. Papa is well.

2. I got clarity on one piece of information. It took a lot of back and forth of communicating in circles but got that done.

3. I wanted to buy something expensive from Zara. But I did not splurge.

4. Did not overeat.

5. Gosh! The walk to Bandstand was heavenly! There was such a strong, cool breeze that it felt lavish.

6. I wore my sand-colored linen skirt and waistcoat co-ord set from Zara with a silk striped shirt. I had bought it long back but I wore it today and it felt good. To be in real formals on a stressful day.

7. Had a good amount of saag today. Spinach and masala rice made with parboiled rice. Some vegan Blue Tribe sheekh kebabs on the side. It was tasty.

8. Had strong wifi.

9. There was water and electricity all through.

10. Had a good chat with a friend.

169

 Rough Monday. Anyway here are all the things that I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. Did not talk to him today but no emergency calls. So that is good.

2. Was really famished today. Enjoyed rice, karela fry, chana daal cooked with cauliflower, and a green chili chutney.

3. I am really being tested at work. Still alive so that's a good thing. Hence leaving it as something to be grateful for. Something good will come from this.

4. I had a really healthy lunch with fruits, curd, and coconut milk blend, and chia seeds.

5. Water in taps, clean clothes to wear, and a lovely, cosy home. 

Things are good.

168

 Since the last two days, I have been getting the feeling that the next few years will be tough. The next few months will definitely be difficult. It will just require me to be like a soldier to get through this. No artistry, no softness, no meandering...I pray for the fortitude to show up and get through.

With that preamble, I now present the few things that I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well He sounded happy and tired.

2. I had to work today and I made some headway. Not as much as I would have liked to. But I'm happy that something got done.

3. I ate some fruits today so that is a big step towards well-being.

4. I went and had a lovely head massage at Hair Love Stories in Bandra West. It was a nice 1-hour massage and I got a haircut and a wash and all that. It was relaxing.

5. My cook and cleaning lady turned up today and they enjoyed the soft, spongy modaks.

6. I wore a really pretty Marks and Spencer dress. It was a long linen dress with a comfortable slit. I'd bought it in Hyderabad. (I wonder if I should make a trip there again.) Sometimes I wish I could go somewhere else and work for a few months. 

7. I spotted a beautiful coppery crescent moon from the gym. It was a lovely, soft sight. (All kinds of gentle beauty are welcome when you're in the trenches.)

I will sleep now. Maybe I'll get sleep. Maybe I won't - but my spine needs the reassurance of my bed now.

167

 Tired and dehydrated. But let's see. It was a full day today and we have a lot to be grateful about:

1. Papa is well. I did not get to talk to him but got to know that he was out for Ganpati darshans. 

2. A friend and I went to Matunga for ganpati darshans. We stood in line and saw the GSB Ganpati. It was gorgeous! Such a wise, peaceful, happy Ganeshji. The flower  market at Matunga was a sight to behold! There were these garlands with such beautiful purple blooms- deep purple. They weren't orchids. They looked like little compact dandelions. 

3. Our eatings at Matunga were something - I had a yummy spinach dosa and podi- idli with filter coffee. My friend had a rava sada dosa, butter milk and filter coffee. Then we had a couple of softees from Just Chill 7 ice-cream parlour - a butterscotch and strawberry mix for my friend and a vanilla for me. Then we dropped into someone's house. They gave us home-made luscious ukadacchi laddoos with ghee, coffee, chips, and all. It was so tasty. A little girl was there and the people had 2 sweet, happy dogs. It was a lovely time!

4. I wasn't getting a kaali-peeli  cab back. (Phone had conked so I couldn't book one.) One driver dropped me to Sion station and then told me to cross the bridge and take a rick from the other side because roads were blocked because of processions. I did that and reached home safe. There's a special kind of drowsiness you feel when you're in an open cab or rick and there's a nice breeze out. It felt nice.

5. I ordered some mushroom pot rice and mapo tofu from Kuai Chinese. It was tasty. Grateful that I had money to buy food and afford to indulge myself when tired. Sometimes I am really grateful that I have full agency over my money. (To the extent that I understand - I realize that there are economic and political dynamics that have a strong sway on how much I earn but given those parameters, I am so grateful that I have full say on how I will earn money and how I will spend it.)

6. Had a decent body scrub massage this morning from Urban Clap. The lady was such a happy, gentle soul from Manipur. Initially when she started, I got the feeling that she was sad. Something about her touch somehow made me feel that she was sad. I asked her if she was comfortable. She said yes and then opened up. Out of nowhere before she left, she told me about the pickles she would make and eat at home with some leaves and berries. It's funny - the kinds of things that get spilled between strangers. 

Everyone, have a blessed Ganesh Chaturthi. 

166

 So tired mentally and emotionally. It looks as if each day of the rest of this year, I will have to live twice as much. But here are the few things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. He came by today and it was a nice surprise.

2. I got ukkadaichi modak (steamed modak) from The Bombay Sweet House. They were the softest, spongiest, tastiest modaks that I have bought commercially. (Otherwise my cook makes nice ones but I forgot to get the ingredients for her to make them for me.)

3. We completed 1 milestone at work today. That was a big moment. 

4. I have to work over the weekend to complete something else. I am not ecstatic about that but I have wanted to create training on technology for a long while. This is a good opportunity. 

5. I have calls with the client every evening. Today there was a lot of noise and music on the roads as people were bringing home the Ganpati. I was a little worried about how it would go. But managed. (I think "but managed" should be on my obituary.)

165

I wish this year was done. Here are all the things that I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. He sounded happy when he spoke to me.

2. My cook had used the Blue Tribe mockmeat and made a tasty Chello kebab biryani.

3. The channa daal was really tasty too.

4. Had different kinds of conversations. It's really amazing how you can be the same species as another entity and still be so different. Sometimes communication feels like a kaleidoscope of a giant juicy soul. 

5. I bought croissants - soft, tasty, fresh baked butter croissants from the bakery below my building. It was gorgeous when heated and served with jam. Had that with ginger tea. 

164

 I almost lost my cool four times but here's what I am grateful for today;

1. Papa is well and it sounded as if he had a good time at the ashram.

2. I finished a little work but also got started on some other work today. I get the feeling as if the next few months, rather the remainder of this year, I will need to approach them like a soldier. Stoic, focused, detached, strong, brave.

3. My cook made very tasty besan chilla today.

4. There was a good call with the client.

5. My health was better today. Somewhat. Could sit up without a whole lot of bodyache.

6. What a gorgeous walk I had! It was soothing, melodious, and complete. It was a walk in the rain. In Bombay. At Bandstand. At night. In the midst of a thinning crowd and an expansive world. It was a wonderful, wonderful walk. 

163

 A ton of bodyache and fever. But we survived the day so here are a few things that I am grateful for,:

1. Papa is well.

2. Some blockages at work got sorted out.

3. Had a really nice massage this morning. I think it soothed me a great deal so I could start work later in the day.

4. Enjoyed the fresh, crisp masala dosa my cook made for lunch.

5. Had a lovely walk up Pali Hill around 11 pm. This is one of the few things I find precious about Bandra. On a weeknight, after a tiring day, you can just take off and walk up Pali Hill, onto Carter Road. Cars are few. There will be some people walking cute dogs. An odd athletic person will be jogging. Boughs will be weighted down with Jasmine or raat ki rani blooms. There might be a light drizzle or a cool breeze. The lyrics of the song you are listening to go deep. And you look around and are comforted by the gentle beauty of the place you call home.

162

 Today I write to soothe myself. It was very extreme mood-wise but we got by however we got by.

1. Papa is well. 

2. My cook made this very tasty ukkad...rice flour cooked in boiling hot water, seasoned with just salt and turmeric and then tempered with curry leaves, mustard seeds and chilli. Finish off with ghee. It has an upma-like consistency and it's yummy.

3. Although I did not get a good amount of planned work done, did some groundwork so that the team can expedite work tomorrow.

4.  Worked out today. Grateful that the body still moves.

5. Have a roof over my head, food on the plate, water in the taps, and no debt. I have come to appreciate this more and more now.

161

 There's a very strong internal turmoil and a bad churn. I was just filled with blinding rage a moment ago. It was so strong and violent that I had to go and lie down for a while. But despite these quagmires, there were a few things that I am grateful for. Here's the list:

1. Papa is well and I went to visit him today.

2. This weekend I attended a workshop on personal branding. Today the session was good. I am not sure how much I will be able to apply in a freelance setup but I think I will reflect on this a little bit and then see what direction I could take. (I wish there were a talent management company that could manage some aspects of my work. I think it would be a good deal for the two of us. I have made so many wrong choices because of emotional dysregulation. And no matter how much people say that talking about mental health is important, etc., if you have had episodes of compromised mental well-being and have talked about it, it's not easy getting a second chance. But one lives in hope.)

3. I went and returned from Vashi safe. The cab was going fast but no accidents. 

4. We saw some of the larger ganpatis being rolled to the neighborhoods. Man! The sight of a happy, wise, content Ganesha on a busy road fills me with joy. Yes there will be traffic and chaos for a long time but I've been dealing with this know of fear and anger for so long that the sightings of the happy modak-loving God is excellent. And it will be time for modaks soon! 

5. I had two really tasty vada pavs with the fried chillies coated with salt. I loved it. I generally love vada pav and I think the best ones are in Mumbai and Lonavala (no matter how much Punekars sulk). But the accompaniment to a vada pav is what I love a lot too. And as simple as fried chillies are, the perfect ones are evenly coated with the salt and oil and the dandi of the chilli is slightly crispy.

6. I tried ash gourd juice today and it was quite nice. My insides actually felt good and soothed. I've been some health issues lately and apparently I need a detox. While a complete life-detox may be in order, I thought I will start with the body. My friend who is into holistic healing and Ayurved had told me about ash gourd juice (called safed petha in Hindi). It is supposed to cleanse your insides. Man! It's amazing how good I feel.

7. I wrote my journal today. I realized that even with all the writing and recording I do, I need to write my diary - even if it is just a couple of sentences or paragraphs or pages - to be secrets between me and me. 

8. Another interesting sight was the rather large procession of Vitthals on Hill Road. This was a first. I had never seen this here and on Hill Road, no less. The women were dressed in bright sarees and the men were wearing white frock-tunics with red borders. An unusual sight - and that's what made it special. 

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 It has been a long time since I wrote. Many things have happened and many things will happen. Will take this chance on the last day of August to soothe things.

1. Papa is well.

2. We traveled to Orissa and we landed back safe. The trip was because of my uncle's funeral. But I got a chance to sit for the pooja, same as what I had sat for my mother's. The pandits were very nice. They said that if you do anything with shraddha (i.e.- devotion), then it is shraadh. (The final offering to the deceased.) So if I take care of Papa well now, it is still shraadh. And that kind of shraadh is important - to give when people are around and not just when they are gone.

3. We stayed at the Mayfair Lagoon in Bhubaneswar. There was one specific night that I relish. It was the night we reached. Sometimes relatives out of goodwill can be really relentless and want to meet Papa. He could barely sit straight after the long flight but he still wanted to meet some people. I put my foot down, threw a tantrum, and then Papa didn't go. But we ordered room service and sat in the balcony looking at the torrential rains. There were blasts of lightning and then the quiet kanhaiya blue (the blue of Lord Krishna). The rain fell in sheets and the lagoon swelled and danced in the rains. Papa and I sat in silence. It felt like we were father and daughter again...the way we were when I was a little girl in Aquaba waiting for Papa to come home. Then he would sit with me and read me Endymion, even though I understood nothing.

4. I think I was carrying some pain for a while that I was just carrying through with work. That night I had a good chat with my father and a good cry afterwards. I felt good.

5. Work has been very very hectic and challenging in different areas. But I have showed up and survived. I think there is something to be said for that.

6. There's food in the fridge, plentiful water, and end of the month but substantial money in the bank. Very grateful for that.

7. I looked pretty good today in my magenta crop top and a pair of patchwork harem pants.