220 of 15,400

I wonder if there is some merit in setting a theme for a month. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. I will try it out for a few months and see - although even as I type it, I wonder if I will run out of them.

Anyway, this July, my theme for the month is 'clouds'. I would like to imbibe it's slow, seemingly aimless drifting - but created with so much, yet so light. I think one must carry one's baggage the way a cloud carries the tiny droplets of water and icicles that it is made of.

A cloud has a gentle self-assuredness that is as poetic as it is purposeful. Maybe that's what got the poet to wander lonely as one.

Now that I have determined the theme I don't know what to do with it. But that's okay. I'm a cloud this July. Such lack of idea goes with the theme.

266, 265, 264, 263, 262, 261, 260

What amazes me about hard days is how they always end. Hard times may continue longer. The dark mood may prevail, the legacy of sadness might linger. But the potent hard nugget of pain that you have to go through will begin and end. It always amazes me how that happens. You can be bracing yourself for that shard to pass through and then, slowly, slowly, time will pass and it ends. 

Maybe that is how time heals. By showing you how stuff ends.

Back in Bombay.

524: Lifetimes

At work, there's a new girl who sits next to me. She somehow regards me as more capable than I am so today she asked me a banking related question. And banks, for all I know and care, could be like mauve piglets frolicking on the moon. But it turned out that I did know the answer to her question so I might be finally growing up and becoming worldly. 

Then she asked me to play a game. We both gave each other 5 words and/ or phrases and we had to write something about it. These are the words she had given me: Lake, A sky full of myriad stars, Tentative, Serendipity, Summer night

What I wrote

It had been a lifetime

Of give and take

Of sipping serendipities

From the frozen lake

That’s how he was

How he wanted to live

Waltzing between certainty

And things tentative

We’d shared so many love stories

Like myriad stars that flock the sky

The story we share now had begun

On a summer night when he’d wondered ‘why’

Why we met as strangers

Around a frozen lake

Yet became each others’ destinies

With a lifetime of give and take

546

Today we had a Halloween theme at work. We had to dress scary or at the very least, wear black. Which I didn't because I got really late so I'm dressed in a printed palazzo and a dull mauve tee while around me, I see people in stylish goth. Anyway, to pull my own weight, I offered to do some kind of Halloween make-up for the team. I'm not good at that kind of thing so I figured I'd be right for the job. But maybe I exude a confidence I don't really feel because for some reason the team thought me more adept with eyeliner and lipstick than I really am. So, I was getting requests to paint cobwebs on faces, the running mascara look, smoky eyes, cat nose and whiskers, Frankenstein stitches, etc. Which I managed, by the way. A colleague would search for an image on Google and hold it up for me while I referred to it and painted faces accordingly. It was so much fun! A face is so beautiful! I finally understood what all those make-up artists mean when they say that the face is a canvas. A dark lip or smudged kajal or fake drops of blood painted near the lips makes a face come alive in a way even plastic surgery won't do.

A new world opens up. I'd like to learn how to do make up properly.

888, 887

A really tough day at work. Or rather, an usual day at work but I took it too heart. Anyway, after feeling really deflated for a whole ten minutes, just left work, went for yoga and then home to cook some dinner, eat something small and go to bed. A colleague had got me kharvas - this very tasty dessert that's made with a cow's first milk for the calf. I love, love, love it!

Anyway, on to live another day!

894, 893, 892

It has been very busy at work lately and I don't like it one bit. There are many things I'm not liking about the situation. I don't like how I don't have the ability to just mentally switch on and switch off. If one can mentally detach at will, I think it helps getting a lot of rest in a short period of time. Otherwise the mind just keeps whirring and sometimes the heart feels heavy. It really does. Thankfully, Ma has been here for a little while and this has been a big help. A really big boon. After a long time, I felt like wrapping up work as quickly as possible and heading right home. And every time I walked in the house, I felt so good. But unfortunately, since I can't just close my mind to work after a point, it stayed with me - horribly and fully. 

I think the only way to get through this is to know that this will pass and possibly something good and useful might come out of it.

907

So much work. Just so much work. And just when I am almost getting suffocated with work is when my family will insist on visitng and having dinner and I will just have to have house guests who may or may not cancel at the last minute and of course, every shred of grocery will run out.

In the metaphysical realm, there may or may not be such a thing as 'time' but there sure is something tricky and minx-like like 'timing'.

Mine is skewed. 

941 - super day

Today was a really sweet day t work. I worked on something felt smoothened out. Like everything else I have worked on so far, this assignment too was a tasty one. And like the other ones, this too came with that paradox of rushing through it when ideally one wanted to take one's time with it, craft it, jewel it up, polish it, and let it dazzle. However, it got done and not just 'done'. It seemed to have taken on the wholesomeness of a home-cooked meal. After a long time, I was satisfied with what I had written. It was simple. Usually, I'm burning up with excitement with so many many ways to treat a particular piece of content. Things sometime go well. Sometimes, they go all over the place. But today, it just fit well together.

Anyway, that's what I think of it. It gets edited tomorrow. But today, my writing satisfied me.

Now there's a boss

A friend is getting married in December. He applied for a month's leave, when apparently some new project would be underway - the kind of project that, if not worked upon in frenzy, would lead to world domination by cats.

My friend's project manager was reluctant to grant leave.

"Can't you go in January?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I'm getting married in December."

"So get married in January."

"I can't."

"Why not?! Think about it...the later you marry, the longer it will last."

"How so?"

"Simple... you will have less time to be together, no? You will die quickly."



...and they wonder why people quit jobs suddenly!

Simple things

I woke up with a bad mood. I had received a message from a friend that made me very angry. Usually, I get irritated. But this text got me inexplicably worked up. I had half a mind to call up and yell, but I was getting late for my yoga class. (Speaking of yoga, whatever my body may have accomplished in terms of flexibility, my mind has not in terms of anger management. I lose my cool just as often and just as badly.)

This was my first yoga class after my trip to Delhi. I was wondering if I'd even be able to touch my toes, after four days of only moving my hand to my face. But turns out, train journeys do keep the limbs limber. So, the class was pretty good. It softened my mood a little.

I came back home and sent an angry, but much more restrained message to the 'friend'. The day had begun on a bad note, though, and I was sure it was going to be one of those days - when the bitter aftertaste in the mouth will not go away. Even if you win a million dollars. Even if you get free movie tickets to a critically acclaimed film, even if the thudding in your heart shouts out, "Calm down...it's not so bad."

Journey in bus happened. That was nice. Jammed my thumb to a table, such that my nail split and I got an angry, red swelling. That was not so nice. I met a blogger friend, who is really witty and funny and exceedingly rude and inappropriate. I have a feeling that its related - the humor and nastiness. Anyway, for an hour, I was treated to coffee and conversation that would make any libel-specialty lawyer euphoric. A very bright spot in my cave-gloom day thus far.

This season is horribly dehydrating. Later, I went to the canteen to see if there was anything to slake my thirst. I think the nature of thirst changes with the season. Like, if one got thirsty in summer or in the rains, cold water would suffice. But winters, you need something cool, zingy, and slightly sweet and tart. I asked for orange juice and someone else was getting kokum juice. I asked her how it was. My memory of that nice, refreshing drink has faded away. I don't travel by trains a whole lot now, and kokum juice was a station staple.

The girl was trying out the juice for the first time herself. I asked her to give me her opinion, so if my OJ turned out to be staid (which it did), I'd try out the drink another time. I took my juice, sat on one table, and went through Economic Times. I don't like that paper. Rather, I don't like the news therein. I mean, so many irritating opinions on whether the freaking economy is up or down or swinging side by side. If I were the economy, I would definitely not like all this stupid scrutiny. "Leave me alone", I'd say.

As I contemplated my imagined celebrity status, this girl who'd ordered kokum juice came to my table. She had poured out some of it in a paper-cup and had got it for me to taste it. I was touched beyond measure. That was a really sweet gesture!

The juice was really, really good. It was red (my favourite colour), cold, sweet and tangy. I had the biggest smile on my face after slurping up the last drop!

Maybe that's what the economy needs to recover. Not this 'will it? won't it?' circus flea-traipsing speculation. But someone to just hand it a nice, cool drink, smile and say, "Hope you'll like it."

A little thoughtfulness goes a long way.

An interesting day, today

After lunch, three of us were in a little strip of green outside our office. It’s ambitiously called a ‘garden’. If they plant one more tree with more than five branches, we’ll refer to it as ‘the forest’. It was a really pleasant afternoon. A strong breeze, bright but tender sunshine, some pink and yellow flowers in full bloom, clean, cobbled paths. It was a good setting for a luncheon walk. Whilst walking, though, my friends screamed and hopped aside. I looked around in alarm – thinking that maybe a cat had begun to sing. I don’t like cats. Not even if they can sing. Cats are annoying. I don’t like cats. I can’t understand why other people do. Now, I don’t much care for dogs either, but dogs are better. If they are around, you know they’re around. Cats, on the other hand, don’t let up. They make you believe that they’re not around, and then when you least expect it, when you’re settling down with a nice, spicy vegetable roll on a park bench, they start meowing. That startles you and you spill stuff on your white skirt and then, everyone in office laughs at you. And this happens even if they’re not singing.

In any case, my friends weren’t shocked by cats. They were shocked by a couple of skittish chameleons. They were the most fascinating creatures I’ve seen in a long while. The chameleons were alternately hopping on the grass and the pathway, so their backs were a bright green but their heads and chest areas were this pale, stone grey. Depending on where they were located, that portion of their body was getting brighter.

After a while, they scuttled away into some bushes and their tails immediately started turning brown. It was so magical! These creatures had a palette of colours their skins could turn into. And they had decided to come out and play in the sun.

Good, peaceful nights

Last week, again, was a tough week. It didn’t seem as daunting as the previous week, though, because a gruelling schedule has practically become habit. Amongst the many things that got me through last week, was actually a trip to HyperCity.

In addition to the regular groceries, I bought a very fetching jar of chopped black olives and some flavoured goat cheese. Both were pricey (Waitrose products). But they beckoned with such simple, pastroral charm that I couldn’t resist. Over the last week, whenever I returned home around midnight or after, it was good to have a hunk of warm, mealy bread smothered with goat cheese and layered with lots and lots of chopped olives.

Sometimes, when I have dinner in the quiet of the night, with only my fan and laptop for company, I often wonder what it’s all about. Sinking my teeth into that slice of consummate fulfilment, I get my answer.

My moments of nothingness, where art thou?

Mid-april, duties and obligations crystallized from some inchoate, nebulous cloud to form little specks of tasks with deadlines. Each day, hour, minute in the last weeks of April was filled with neatly divided rows of such tasks. And suddenly, all these activities and all this time was gone. Poof! Just like that, the month was over. It's as if my time in the last few weeks was these neat rows of cocaine, and suddenly someone just snorted it.



Time, it seems, isn't just whizzing by, it's spinning in a different kind of high!



It's been extremely enjoyable, though...

A good, good lunch

Today I was in a meeting that ate up into my routine lunch time. I was so hungry, i could feel my insides gnawing on each other. Started feeling giddy and all. As soon as I stepped out, I opened my lunch and tucked into my risotto. Yummy, that was!

Aah! Rice! The goodness of the world CAN be found in a grain...a grain of rice. Many grains of rice. Nice, happy mounds of rice. Sweet, little heaps of rice.

Goodness is rice. Godness is rice. Rice is nice.

And after that I ate some pedhas. A colleague was promoted and he'd got them.

Sigh! In the most centered little crevice of any molecular structure is satiety. (Mine, at least.) That's the feeling I live for.

You're my angel, my darling angel...

A colleague sent me a forward with an 'angel's message'. That's what the angel looked like.

I happen to really like the people I work with.

It's bound to catch up with me sometime

It's been over a year since I started working here. As I straightened up in my chair this afternoon, I took a look around me. This place used to be new and unfamiliar earlier. And now...now, it's full of people I've whacked pens from.

I'll just save the retrospection for some other time.

On my wishlist

Being leched at is never a good feeling; being leched at by office people is even worse; but worst of all, I think, is when you are being stared at in the office lift – and you can’t be sure if the person works in your office or not. I mean, usually, one could just shout or slap (although that is a bit extreme), but the prospect of running into the fellow in the canteen or in a project meeting does seem a bit daunting.

In a lift, usually, there are people from different offices…and maybe it is weird, but one does think that your own colleagues will not misbehave with you. Of course, this notion does not always hold good, but if one could just be more certain, I think one could do something. Or else, everything else be damned – the next time, anyone stares, I think it’s a good idea to just shout at the guy. If he has any shame, he will learn his lesson. If he doesn’t, well…maybe lifts should come with trapdoors for specimens such as these.

Everybody's a stand-up comic

It's a very rainy Friday night. Most of us will be working pretty late - some to avoid coming over the weekend and some others to avoid the traffic.

A colleague and I are fortifying ourselves with coffee for the long night ahead.

We listlessly go through the newspaper, and I happen to point out one article that says: "50 cent reunites with son."

My colleague quips, "Does that make him a full dollar now?"

Sigh. That's why no-one should work overtime. It's hazardous to (for?) humour.

My birthday

It was my birthday yesterday and Time just, sort of, inhaled that day out of my life. It began suddenly and ended abruptly, with a million things happening at work, missing so many calls, attending so many more, and finally finishing up and reaching home at midnight.

What was really nice was getting a call from my cousin’s fiancé. Last year, there were a few people in my life. By this year, they have exited and made place for new ones. I really like this dynamism of the circle of life.

I have a little nephew now, who loves having his face splashed with water. I have a new would be sis-in-law who keeps notes of people’s birthdays. I have new little neighbour who chugs watermelon juice every morning while his mum hums a nursery rhyme. I have some really nice colleagues who got me flowers and organized a lovely cake. I don’t particularly like chocolate, but the color of this cake was such a rich, mesmerizing brown. I immediately thought of a beautiful horse with a glossy sheen galloping on a beach.

My birthday, this year, wasn’t a rich, multi-layered, creamy, decadent pastry. It was a rather homely slice of warm and sweet raisin bread.

Quite a nice surprise!

A funny, beautiful truth

This was a colleague's tag line today:

"Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are."
- Brecht

Made me think and smile (in that order)