Yesterday was a disappointing day. I had to make a few compromises. Just because I had been weak and not prepared in the days preceding yesterday. Never mind. Will forgive myself by and by. But lessons learnt. Or are they?
I am not liking the way today is going either. Did some reading - but it is heavy reading so it is taking a toll. Just want my life and my weekends back.
Long endless travel tomorrow and an uncertainly long night today. But anyway, time to make some changes in the mindset. A few things am grateful for:
1. The wisdom and love of my mother. She's no more but each passing day I sense just how tremendous she was.
2. Spoke to Papa today. He is not getting stronger but...I suppose one had signed up for a long and limping recovery.
3. Have a roof over my head.
4. Have water in the taps.
5. There's food in the fridge.
6. Enjoying my cup of strong coffee.
7. I liked it when H asked me if she could also have coffee in the afternoon with me. I told her to make it strong and not that milky brown way she usually does it. Offered to make it for her. But she got a little scared because I generally have coffee black or really strong. She said that she will wash the clothes and then make her cup. I saw her savoring it by the window. That's what coffee is - solace in a sand dune of time.
8. Reconnected with an old friend. Felt good. Did feel a tad worried about how things are going with him. But it is all good.
9. Found an empty Moleskine notebook. It's black and empty and like all empty notebooks, it brims with the possibility of what can happen.
10. It was an emotionally charged day. That was not pleasant but I am trying to reframe the experience as something to be thankful about. Like the poem by Mary Olivier, 'The Uses of Sorrow':
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
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