111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117

Bangalore and breathing - a tough situation.

109 and 110 of 14,600

I went running last night, close to 11:00. And I think I have had it with eating out. Since I don't have a kitchen set up yet (all my stuff is in Mumbai), I have been Swiggying it so far. And now I think it needs to change. Apart from spending so much, I had started feeling too bloated. Usually I order really late at night and a couple of times, the food that has arrived has been stale.

So yesterday I got a packet of thin poha, a carton of curd, puliogere powder, and some mustard oil. I soaked a little poha in water heated in a kettle, added the powder generously and quite a bit f mustard oil. I really liked it. 

107 and 108 of 14,600

Usually I write a post at the end of every day. Today I am writing it in the morning. (Since I did not finish it then, I am writing it the next day in the evening.) Sometimes I get confused about why I am writing this blog every single day. I know that it was to build a discipline but a discipline for what? Record things every day or write every day?

Earlier, my motivation was the former - to record things every day. I was very impressed with something a friend had told me a couple of years ago. Rather, what two friends had told me.  One of them had quoted Virginia Woolf in the context of marriage or having a partner. She (Woolf) had said, "We need a witness to our lives."

Another friend had told me about this man called Jonathan Harris who had started this website called www.cowbird.com. The website is described as a public library of human experiences. But just before he started this website, he had taken a year off. Every single day, he would take a photograph and put it up on this website. It was to bookmark or record the day as it went by. He wanted to be a witness to his life.

That is how I started writing but I think I will not hold myself accountable to write every single day though. Because this takes time and I am usually just sharing my musings. I also want to write some more structured pieces and build up my content on LinkedIn.

So maybe for the next few months, we will see how it goes.

In the last couple of days, I have met a couple of boys, one of who is a coder. It is interesting to get his insights into coding. I want to explore that - learn coding.

That, perhaps, I will definitely write about.

Anyway, that is that.   

106 of 14,600

Saturday is over.

105 of 14,600

Today was an interesting day.

I finished more work than I thought I would.

Had left my purse in CCD last night. Got it today.

Went out for dinner to a place called Echoes in Koramangala. Talked to someone. It felt so strange... I don't think I can get over how mystical this experience it is - that how much of your life and memories you dribble on to someone else in a conversation.

104 of 14,600

Jane Fonda is dressed in a Razer sharp suit. She eyes Lily Tomlin who is wearing a Tweed cape over a polo neck, earrings, and lipstick. Lily has just come back after catching up with Jacob.(Jacob is Lily Tomlin's supplier of yams because she makes vaginal lubricants made of yams.)

Jane Fonda says, "Are you dressed for a meeting with Jacob? Or are you returning a ring to Middle Earth?"

The show, Grace and Frankie, sparkles!

103 of 14,600

Day before yesterday I had gone to the Kali mandir for a Pooja and to meet some friends.

On the way back, my friend told me,"You have settled down in Bangalore now." I don't feel settled. I mean I am currently using one sleeping bag and one kettle. That's not really settling in.

But today I felt a little fried at work. There's someone I was working with who seemed to have a bit of attitude. I was trying to not let it get me down but it rankled. So I just went to the CCD close by to eat their synthetic biryani and have a vanilla latte. 

A friend called. And I got a can and went for a movie. Just like that.

When life starts accomodating a sudden movie plan with a friend, maybe that's when one has started settling down.

Day 102 of 14,600

Today there was a patch of maybe 5 hours that was so rough that I imagined my entire personality to be mushed and spread like pate on a gravelly road. So I treated myself to rajma, rice, and two scoops of ice cream only for surviving the day.

But I did survive the day. The minutes and hours passed. I still felt joy when I saw the Buddha statue in the garden lit up - the way it lights up every evening.

I just love that about my co-working space. The fact that they put on these twinkly lights every evening.

This too shan't just pass. It will pass like a happy, sparkly carnival! 

Day 101 of 14,600

One evening, I had met someone in a mall. We had coffee and then we went for a drive.

While driving around, he said that he had an eighteen year old son. He didn't meet him often.

I remember I asked him what respect meant to him.

He said, "If you don't kill me, you respect me. That's respect."

A lot of time has passed since then. But I think often. Sometimes more deeply than I would like to.

He meant it.

Sometimes you don't get to hear someone's story. But remember it and you think that maybe there was something bloodstained somewhere.

I hope he is happy wherever he is. Happy and eased out.

Days 99 and 100 of 14,600

We have now completed 100 days since the time I committed to regular blogging.

Feels good.

I went out with a friend to Lahe Lahe in Indiranagar. A side note - I think Bangalore just has the most charming cafes.

I wore this off-shoulder dark blue dress, shell earrings, and a sequinned black clutch which I had bought from StyleCracker. I have to say - I was most impressed by it. Even when I have tried on off-shoulder dresses myself, I have not had a good fit. However, this service (StyleCracker, that is) involves giving a stylist a budget, uploading a photo, and have them pick out something for you. That dress fits so so well! I would definitely try that service again.

Stayed over at my friend's home which is so pretty and charming.

I want to take a day out to really write a much longer piece. For now, we complete 100 days.

Will celebrate with a cup of hot, black coffee.

Day 98 of 14,600

Today felt rough but it ended with dancing.

There are days like this.

Day 97 of 14,600

Some things that I observed today:

1. When you wear a short skirt and bend down to pick up something, you instinctively do a partial eagle (garudasana) pose.

2. Having black coffee in a transparent glass cup is not as good as having the same coffee in a ceramic cup. I think cupping the 'cup', so to speak, instead of holding it by the handle makes a difference.

3. This thought came to mind after watching an interview of the girls who feature in 'Four Shots Please'. Is it possible to show a sisterhood, girl-bonding, women's liberation, etc. in a setting other than Mumbai, keeping out characters who work in media, and without tequila? Why tequila? Always why tequila?

4. This is an observation from last night. Not today. Will still do it today. I order food late at night. And that is not a good idea because sometimes the food is stale. I ordered Gobhi noodles last night and it was stinking a little bit. I think I should really do some kind of arrangement for dinner.

5. Mom sent me thepla today. Made at home and couriered. In Bombay, I live in so much comfort. Sigh!

6. Some interesting projects in the anvil.

Quick link to share

https://www.instagram.com/p/BtRbJ-bB_Tz/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1w0qb4m2olyxx

Day 96 of 14,600

A friend is looking for a job. She mentioned something about companies having a strong HR in a company. She said that when they're there, things go imperceptibly smoothly. When they aren't, the company just puts you off.

She was so sure about this one thing.

Interesting.

I worked long hours today but finished only 1 piece of work. Never mind.

Tomorrow is another lovely day.

Day 95 of 14,600

The Burrito Lesson

Nowadays, I order food from outside. Usually I try to eat less but some days, when I am feeling particularly stressed, I tend to order more food. One sub-conscious reason for stress, possibly, is that I come home late from work but there's no kitchen set up yet. So I feel like I am starving. I am not.

Anyway, I ordered a rice with Peri Peri potatoes as well as a crispy mushroom Burrito from Burrito bowl. Either one would be fine. But I got greedy and ordered both.

Then around 3, I had the rice bowl which was good. I wasn't even hungry then but still. That was okay. I also felt that I shouldn't have ordered the other burrito.

Since it's expensive, I thought I would save it for next day. But I don't have a refrigerator yet so it would spoil. And it was getting soggy by the minute.

I tried to sit and finish the other thing as well. It made me unwell just looking at it. So I did what I have actually not done in many many months.

I threw food away.

It made me feel bad but not as much as eating it was making me feel. I think when you get greedy or you choose anything from a place of lack, even a tasty thing, a desirable thing, can make you sick.

It's better to take a little and give hunger a chance.

Empty is good. 

Day 94 of 14,600

Mom's health is neither too good nor too bad. But I do believe that she will get better.

This morning, I woke up to an article that felt like a punch in the gut. Michael Jackson, sexual abuse, and stories of the survivors: https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-features/leaving-neverland-michael-jackson-doc-sundance-784801/

I really want to watch this documentary when I can. I want to know about the parents.

There was a movie called 'Love Sonia' which is based on a real life story. It is a brilliant movie and the girl who have acted in this are so tender and strong. In this movie too, parents sell their child. Not that the kids are sold to MJ. But the documentary points to financial compromise of some sort.

Anyway, I have left my charger at work. Phone's going out of charge so this is all I can write today.

Day 93 of 14,600

This morning I was watching something on the phone and it slipped from my hand, hit my lips, and I bled a little.

Washed all my clothes.

Not feeling very good. Mom is not well. But she will be better tomorrow I expect.

Planning to wear my sweet, pink sweater dress tomorrow. Or maybe the frayed denim skirt.

Need respite and a good cup of hot, sweet black coffee.

Day 92 of 14,600

Today was a mixed bag.

Last night I stayed over at a friend's place after attending a music fest at IIM Bangalore. Then came back home and went to collect my laptop.

I felt a little sad because I was missing out on all the good movies. At times, I feel a little sad because I wonder why am I staying away from my mum, what am I trying to prove, etc.

Then I remember why I started doing what I am doing. Because I had earlier started feeling the stench of failure on people who traded off the need to have mastery over something for certainty of income, relationship, or the fact that they could stay with their parents. I started living the way I do because I had started sensing the rot in myself.

Some days you have to remember why you started.

Anyway, I later went to a place called Atta Galaata. It's a very charming bookstore with a cafe. They have these events where you can tell a story about something, etc.
I met a friend and then we went to Whitefield.

I went there for the very first time. It was superb! I went to Vega mall and it felt so good, so shiny, so classy! Sometimes I feel that everything in Electronic City feels like a 'mazdoor' (labourer). Which is good because I work like one. And labourers build things. But Whitefield feels like a spa. Luxe, rested, plumped up. That kind of beauty is also important. Removes your weariness, I think.