Chiffonesque

 Went for a shorter walk around Pali Hill. Not too shabby. Feeling a little sick. Around Bagel Shop, there was a lot of smoke - it was fragrant but still smoky. Now my nose and throat itch.  The moon was so pretty and cute, peeking through trees. Sometimes it looks funny - such a dainty thing hanging over a police station. Anyway I was very distracted and in a foul mood throughout the walk. But must take a moment to be grateful: 1. Papa is there and he was walking around here and there with minimal pain. 2. There was food on the table and roof over my head. 3. I am safe.  4. Laptop got repaired.  5. Had stable internet connection. 

Just been the most annoying day interacting with people who have no respect for boundaries. Just ringing the bell whenever, even though they have clearly been told otherwise.  Just so annoying. That Will Smith movie where everyone is erased from the earth and it's only him and his dog? Wonder what he was complaining about.  Anyway, I have not yet gone for a walk. Not sure if I want to. Really need one day of rest where I just want to NOT have to open the fucking door or talk to anyone or land up for idiotic meetings where no one bloody turns up.  Anyway, last day of the month. Month's almost done. 

I am having a glass of beet juice right now. Unsweetened but beet has a velvety sweetness that I like. Today Bandstand was hopping! So many people! There seemed to be an army of couples sitting on the rocks and a strong crescent moon shone on them.  They looked like alien little shells that the high tide had brought in.  Bought a couple of packets of Maggi from a tiny cigarette shop that can't stock large packs because of the size, I guess.  Maybe I will make a packet to have with the jackfruit sabzi.  Okay...i am not wearing my spectacles. So blogging on the phone is becoming a bit of a pain. Still...day recorded. One survived. Over and out.

I did not write yesterday. Not because there was no time but because I had to finish a couple of storyboards and I had parked working on the storyboards over the weekend because the rest of the week is spent in meetings and feeling tired and exhausted.  But despite my displeasure, I wanted to begin a Monday morning with a meeting. I think this is what one means by 'creatures of habit'. Just today I was thinking about how it has been so long since I woke up with no agitation. Sometimes as I read, "When the body says no" I wonder what all I am putting my body through - a continued, sustained stress. But then again I think that perhaps this is a rite of passage. That by building a capacity for precisely this agitation, some superhero-esque dimension is instilled inside of me and it will soon emerge. I don't know if it is a function of time and space (or it must be a function of time and space because nothing is permanent) but I have taken to deny much of my routine p...

 A lot of work and I would like a break. Still. Could manage to step out for a quick walk up and down Pali Hill. That was so nice. Pali Hill is a really pretty place. It's dug up but still pretty. There was a party going on in one of the lawns. I heard someone singing and saw deep pink lights on trees. I tried to peek in through the gates and saw blush satin stage drapes. Looked fancy. Will sleep for a few hours if I can. Then wake up and work, work, work. Maybe call in for a massage. Really need the stress relief. Anyway, here goes. Sleep 

Today has ended. Papa was supposed to go to Vashi and stay there but I threw a small fir. So he came back but he will go tomorrow for the weekend.  Went for a pedicure today. Felt good. I haven't had one for ages so all the scrubbing and sloughing felt nice. The good man working on my feet very happily said, "New feet now!" Went for a walk to Mount Mary. Had a plate of Pani puri. This one hour of walk by myself...it is the most precious thing for me now. Last night I woke up feeling very anxious and scared. I could not breathe and I was having some ugly, scary dreams. An outburst later, I soothes down and slept. Today I came across a term, "emotional safety". Must look it up. It seems like something I would need. Head hurts a bit.

 Was a distracted weirded day. Phone conked off. Got it repaired. I have to meet a friend for dinner tonight but I have a knot in my stomach. I don't know. I feel as if I am losing confidence in many things. Really just want to remain in my flat and not meet anyone or do anything. I feel the need to conserve all kinds of energy - monetary, mental, physical, and emotional. Something is happening inside of me. I don't know what but I really don't want to be around people anymore.

 Pavlovian responses to evening walks seem to be kicking in. I had to create an audio script for a rather large topic. I thought I could wrap it up in an hour but even after two hours of sturdy work, there was a lot remaining. The sun had set. The traffic noise seemed to be abating and I didn't want to skip a day. But there was a lot to finish. So I thought I would take a short walk.  Today I went to Pali Hill instead of Bandstand.  It was lovely! They have dug up the road outside Rishi Kapoor's house for quite a long stretch. So only a single line of cars can pass. But it was cool and quiet. I couldn't find my earplugs today. So I had put on some music on my phone and tucked it away in my crossbody. Today I listened to a song recommended by a colleague, "Moondance". The use of flute in this piece is quite lovely! I remembered how much I love Pali Hill. It's not as bustling and urgent as Bandstand. And there are spots where you feel wealthy...not because one h...

 Day began with a client call. The call went off reasonably well. Papa makes me a concoction with warm water and methi powder. It's a little bitter but I like the taste. It's got a smokey, nutty, bitter taste - almost like a dark roast. I had a to-do list all done but I get exhausted just talking and listening to people. So I did not get as much done. I went for a longer walk though, which was lovely. My legs are aching and I am properly tired but there was high tide and lovely Breeze. I sat for a while. Didn't like the fact that a guy was just hanging around me talking or pretending to talk on the phone.  Walked towards the end of the promenade and clicked what I think is a gorgeous picture of a city that lays half-developed like a soft boiled egg in the shadows and reflected lights on the surface of the sea. Came home and really relished the glass of cold water. Today I tried something that was so yummy! Tore off a plain croissant, dampened the pieces with milk - just eno...

 It was a distracted Monday but did get a few things done. More importantly, I have some clarity about what I need to do tomorrow. But here are a few things I am grateful for today: 1. Papa and I went for a quick coffee at Project Hum at Pali Market, near Suzette. I had a black coffee. Papa had a warm noodle and tofu salad bowl. He seemed to like it. 2. We went to Marks and Spencer. The deal was to get him a jacket for daily wear. But he didn't get anything and I bought a lot. I got a white and black boat neck tee, a very cute pink striped tee-shirt to go with my new bubblegum pink pair of tracks, two t-shirts to wear for my walks, and one soft, cozy, cuddling-near-a-bear comfortable plaid shirt. I am really looking forward to wearing it. I also got a pair of navy blue tights. All in all, I look forward to the following days being sponsored by Marks and Spencer.  3. The walk was so awesome. It was cool, windy, and crowded with just the right amount of people - enough to feel s...

 Wanted to make a quick note to capture the stuff that happened yesterday. Well, not much but I got very fed up with how I was feeling so I chopped off a lot of my hair. Then I suddenly realized what I had done and called up a place near my house to get the damage curtailed (or anything that didn't make me look like a murderer trying to go into a quick and drastic disguise. The person who runs this place, Bae, just near Pali Market, was gracious enough to not look too shocked (considering he had cut my hair earlier). He did what he could and I left. (If you are in Bandra and you want a haircut, that's a spot I would recommend - Bae. It's in the same place that Mad O Wot used to be.)  There's a store near the Mount Mary Basilica where I saw the sweetest porcelain/ ceramic piece of Joseph, Mary, and a baby Jesus. I wanted to buy it but the place seems to overcharge a whole lot over the weekend. Maybe I will try buying it later.  I came back home and was feeling so heavy a...

 It was a mixed bag - more tumult than anything nice. But my cook didn't come today so I had to enter the kitchen. I didn't do much but was so emotionally exhausted that I took a long nap. By the time I woke up, my father had cooked the other dish and that was that. A friend had come over to Bandra but couldn't meet her because I was getting too stressed over work and the fact that my cook didn't land up today. Ordered a couple of dishes that I would highly recommend: Almond croissants from Poetry Love and Cheesecake. They are the only ones in Bandra that make eggless variations of this. Katthal (or jackfruit) biryani from Biryani by the Kilo. It was awesome! It came in a clay pot sealed with an atta seal to keep the rice fresh and steamed. It was so fragrant and lovely! I am trying to cut down on sugar and rice because it is good for health. But today I needed to indulge to just soothe myself down. Went to Bandstand with V after a long time. Many months. We talked but ...

 I got a stomach upset again...out of nowhere. And out of nowhere my finger swelled up. I don't know if there is some sympathy pain syndrome happening here where I am experiencing what he is experiencing. Or whether it is Vata imbalance. But my body is behaving very strangely. Did a bit of work. But really too exhausted to talk about it. Completed one task but so many others remain.  My last client call got done late so I went for a walk late. Weather was good. It's Friday so there were a lot of weekenders. A man was wearing a pista green sherwani with mirror work. He has his hair up in a man-bun and wore kohl in his eyes He was casually sitting facing the sea and chatting with another friend. The kurta was stunning and he was such an astonishingly splendid sight! Indian men look so good in Indian clothes! Today the cook had made some palak Paratha and it was awesome! Spoke to Dad, heard some stories and a tiny segment of life slipped by. Am tired and sleepy now.

 I had left my wallet in the auto and the auto guy came past midnight to return it. Felt good. Gives me a little something to get through the night and begin work tomorrow. 

 I had started this post a couple of days ago but I am writing it today. It is sickening - the amount of anger just swishing inside me. I got so violently ill yesterday - with loose motions. I've not had loose motions for two decades now. My body was aching so badly. And it was sudden. Very sudden. And today the fan stopped working. Not related maybe but who can tell. Maybe there's an amount of funk and junk in the stars. I had a call early in the morning and a call late evening. I think just the walks to Mount Mary are my source of emotional nourishment. Earlier I used to take the Mount Mary steps and go to the Basilica. Nowadays I walk through Bandstand. Sometimes I find the walk soothing. But other times, like today, I felt sick. All that darkness and shadows, sharp rocks like evil, greedy jaws laying bare because the low tide has exposed them...It felt like a cruel world. I was approached by two women today. One was in a car at the foot of ZigZag Road and asked me where Pal...