Chiffonesque

 Today was also tough because I had a harsh talk with my cook. It was unpleasant. It looks as if losing cool and having bad and harsh conversations with people will be the theme for 2025. It is 2 a.m. and I am typing this without spectacles. I just have to stay still when agitated and allow peace to emerge. Anyway there was plenty to be grateful for. That remains a precious theme through life. 1. Papa is well. I did not speak to him but there were no upsetting, disaster calls. So that means he is well. 2. I went for a full body massage to Versova - a place I really enjoy. Met up with a friend there too. We relished the ginger and herb tea the spa served us with a plate of fruits. 3. We went to Barista afterwards and had lattes and a sandwich. Barista has really upped their game. The paneer tikka sandwich was tasty. 4. I met another friend at Inorbit Mall at Goregaon. I love meeting this friend. Her daughters had made me crotchet gifts for me - a little bee and a little flower bookm...

 I am exhausted. Was weak-willed today and had a large box of kaju katli. But did work out for an hour. I mean, I don't want to get militant about what I eat and what I don't. But last couple of days it feels as if I am feeding a hungry ghost inside me. That's the test. That's the temptation I need to overcome this year. And I will. So help me God. Anyway, here are all the things I am grateful for today: 1. Papa is well. I spoke to him and he sounded happy. His voice is really the sweetest in the world. 2. I really lost my temper with a cleaning boy. Uncouth. Things didnt get out of hand. So that is good. I realised that when I have a bad mood, no sleep, etc. I eat a lot. So another thing to be grateful for is this - precious insight. 3. Wrote a video today. I love storyboarding. It is precious. I love it and in this assignment I don't get to do it much. But today as circumstances panned out, I got the chance. Very grateful for that. 4. Have food, water, electricity...

 Today was a rough start. I woke up just before 10 a.m. and I had to give a training that I forgot about. So thankfully my senior and I salvaged the session by covering something else in the session. I was so harassed but still...got through the day and it two days of 2025 are done.  Here are all the things that I am very grateful for: 1. Papa is well. I did not speak with him but there were no frantic calls. So he must be well. 2. A friend sent me a picture of a tree in the mangroves. That was gorgeous! It was so large and deep and thick with these age-old roots. To me, it looked like a picture of mastery. 3. I managed to get a work-out in even though I was not in the mood.  4. I went for a walk around my most favorite part of my neighborhood - Pali hill. The lights have come down on Zig Zag road but some flats had a warm glow in the alcoves decorated with a Christmas tree. That was so precious! 5. I met the local pani puri waala on Mount Mary and I had my first plate of...

Really nervous about the volume of work. But when anxiety hits, always a good idea to take a breath and see how things go. There's always a clutch of things to be grateful for: 1. Met Papa this morning and just spoke to him. He is well. Felt so good just talking to him. 2. Managed a workout today. I really didnt want to but it helps to push through. 3. I just have to keep steady and move forward one step at a time. 4. I have a place to stay (an excellent place to stay) and there is food in the larder. That is good. 5. Papa's cook had made very tasty katthal sabzi and poshto. Very nice! 

 I forgot to write all the things that I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well and happy. He had gone to the ashram and had a happy time. He sounded very pleased. 2. I had to talk to a colleague. It is late, but I thought that I should talk to her. One thing struck off the list. 3. Electricity is there, food in the kitchen, more than enough clothes in the wardrobe, and the requisite nature of overwork to help me contemplate on building endurance. 4. Both cook and cleaning lady came today. 5. Am safe.

 It is the 31st and I had to go to be with Papa but there was a lot of work so I couldn't go. Anyway, he is off for his satsang and I know he enjoys himself a lot. So that's good. The two words for 2025 for me are Marcus Aurelius - the philosopher king. I now see that the year goes on a certain continuum, things don't change, and with every passing day ennui and desolation percolate. Yet we must soldier on. We must turn up with all our feelings - the ones that smile and the ones that wound and carry both as badges of honour. One is a human being and to have lived with that fragility every single day is immense enough.  2025 - is the year to be Stoic.  This has been my Gmail signature for nearly a lifetime and now it's time to really lean in: Amor Fati - a love of fate or a love for one's own fate (interpretations vary).  But the resolve is to breathe deep in all circumstances. So, help me God. Wish you all a brave 2025 everyone!