448, 447

Today was nice. Went to meet a bunch of people in the Reader's Meet-up where we discussed some good books and all. Woke up really well. Connected with a friend and it was so happy-making! Said goodbye to another friend, maybe for good - and it pains now. But I feel lighter. So I expect it to be good later. I'll be meeting another friend tomorrow and we always have a good time.

If there's anyone reading this between the age-group 25 to 32 - how do you assess the personality of a potential partner? What do you ask? What do you do?

This is for an assignment I am working on, so please help me out?

 

450, 449

I think the whole point is to be okay with the uncertainty of the journey and the paradoxes you may find. And to be okay, one does whatever it takes for however long it takes.

451: The woe of the weary designer

The genteel battleground of a brainstorming session
Where possibility and feasibility routinely fight
Designers battle silently to regain their space
And, despite all tasteless demands, keep it white

452

Today has been good so far.

Out of the blue, I got a text from someone I knew a long time ago. Or it wasn't a really long time ago. But we'd gone our different ways and I think we both had seemingly changed far too much to be considered friends...because I wonder if were even the same people who started out.

Anyway, I'm in Bombay now and hope to be in Pune on Friday or Saturday morning. Need to pay my electricity bill. But Saturday night, I intend to go out some place nice.

I wonder if you can still be equally warm towards people who have shown you that they'll have a tough time accepting if good things happen in your life. I suppose it is possible. If the person has been good to you overall but then a situation in your life started to change, get better, and that's when they started resenting you for it. But how do you continue being frank and open with them?

I think maybe it's a part of the human experience - to offer encouragement and then to start feeling bad if the other person's situation starts to improve. And since it's part of the human experience, it's better to accept it.

But I don't know. My heart is not in it yet. I don't want the bad vibes or the speculation or the scrutiny. I also don't want to think ill of people I was fond of. So, maybe, in the interest of the love and fondness, I should stay away.

That's why perhaps the day was good. I figured something out.

a little something i thought of...

Chaos in the world around, 
Torn pieces of song and calm, 
And still we leave to return, perhaps, 
With a Neverland in the palm.

457, 456, 455, 454, 453: A train gets canceled and other events where you miss a sliding door (more points to you if you get the Gwyneth Paltrow reference here)

It's a hot afternoon.

I've just run home after having my nails freshly painted because I'm going away on a holiday to Delhi. I'll meet my friends there, walk around in Lodhi gardens until my purple sneakers get scuffed some more, and eat copiously with some favorite people at an assortment of fine places in Gurgaon.

The sky in Delhi has made a lover of the most cynical of hearts so I'm charging my camera to click away at the gorgeous sunsets and teal-pink sunrises and this crazy pallette of the afternoon sky where, if you are lucky, you see specks of green.

I stuff a notebook in my bag and shove some Pune namkeens in the suitcase (gifts they are) and hurry to Mumbai Central. All excited to be traveling in a train, I almost double over as I enter the station. Elbow a lady with an unwieldy suitcase and a coolie chewing paan.

I find out that the train has been canceled. That many trains have been canceled.

I could have met someone on the train who'd tell me about a buried treasure near Red Fort. I'd have taken a picnic basket with moong dal halwa and desi ghee parathas and located the treasure. That could have led me to assist William Darlymple to figure out which irresponsible Mughal king had committed that oversight.

In the metro, while getting off at Hauz Khas station, I could've tripped over a beautiful silver locket. I'd open it up and see the history of Delhi moving along in dulcet shades in miniature.


So many things could have happened. But the train got canceled and I'm back home and who knows what William Darlymple is up to!

458

It was a sweet film!

As with all the days so far, this one too came with it's own sweet surprise towards the evening. My friend called up and asked me if I wanted to watch a film. And I, who had not showered until that point in the night and had lounged around in paint-splattered pajamas all day, said yes. I had a bath and combed my hair and wore a really pretty red top and a brown skirt and smeared lip tint and got ready to go to the movies!

I love, love, love movie outings! Downloading and watching films at home is not my thing. I'll always clean up before going for a film whether I'm with someone or not. I've watched plenty of movies alone - after a really hard day at work...but I'll still wash my face and comb my hair and get my coffee all excitedly when I enter the cinema. I think I can only be really truly close to people who watch movies in cinema halls. I feel we are comrades in magic.

Anyway, we went for this film 'How to be single'. It started out with the stock of cliches (aerial view of New York City, girls in short, sequinned clothes downing tequila shots, casanova bartenders, etc.) But I started getting interested in the characters a few scenes into the film. The music is really nice as are the lovely shots of a girl's apartment. Also, there are lots of shots of people having casual sex. But I loved the lighting of those scenes. Very mellow, yelllow-orange-pink light that coats over the bare shoulders and necks and finger-tips. I really liked that. I have never understood why scenes of casual hook-ups always have to be grunts, grinds, and lots of darkness and hard shadows. Two people could still find this spontaneous intimacy very poetic, right? Just because it's not riding on some long tail of love or commitment doesn't mean it can't be sweet.

I missed New York then. I'd celebrated my birthday there once - Manhatan. It was so lovely!

Overall, I liked the film. But I think I'll like anything I watch in a movie hall. I may be disappointed if it's a really bad film but I'll still find some scenes to take away.

There are four girls in the movie and their lives intersect each others in some way or the other. One of them is really not okay with being single. Another one is slightly brittle and needs to be considered independent and capable at all times. The third one is having a party and is really very clear about not wanting commitments. The fourth one, the protagonist so to speak, wants to be single because she's never had that experience but she doesn't know how to go about it without panicking. They all find their way.

459: Happy Valentine's Day all!

There here is the sky under which I roamed around Bandra today.
Under a different kind of mucroscope,
I think and I hope, my heart looks like the Bandra sky.

The church at Mount Mary. It's a gorgeous little place.

The candles one burns at the grate. I love those luscious colours.

Mother Mary...she intrigues me. She looks like the kind of woman who would give birth to a son who would teach love.

I don't know if the boy and girl here are in love but I love the elements here:
the road, the sky, the backpack, the auto ready to ply..
love is sweet, ordinary, regular, everyday, in bluejeans and carries a backpack.

This gorgeousness here...like seriously.

Driving towards BKC.

Not sure if you can see it here but the red walls here have this jali-filigree' thing going on.

The 'Make in India' centre with the lion entering the 'jungle'? (of one tree!)

I love all things yellow!

This lion is on its way to meet Andy Warhol.

I bought lilies today from Khoja florist.
They're showcased here in my other home.

I love pink. I just love that colour.
Like I have always believed, pink is passion that turned kind.
Pink lilies! So awesome!

460

Wrote something here: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/work-love-balance-mukta-raut?trk=hp-feed-article-title-publish

Also, attended a Saraswati puja today for, I think, the very first time in my life. I'm so used to Durga and Kali pujas that seeing a goddess that wasn't mutilating someone was a bit of a cognitive dissonace. That may explain my current single status.

Happy Valentine's Day, all!

462, 461

I am going through a difficult time finishing an assignment right now. So I have just given myself two more days and informed the people I was doing the assignment for.

Procrastination is becoming a bit of a problem with me now. I'd really like to do something about it but I don't quite know where to begin. If anyone knows of a book or a resource on how I could tackle this, please let me know?

Thanks.

Edited to add: Came across some information on Timothy Pychyl who has researched procrastination for close to twenty years and has even written a book about it. The book is called 'How to solve the procrastination puzzle.'

What if you see it yet don't

Henna got her fourth cup of coffee and sat down. Eight tabs remained open on her laptop. The formatting on the proposal she was working on remained moodily erratic from page to page. She fidgeted with the pen and notepad.

Nothing helped.

Around her, colleagues handled client calls and purposeful correspondences and insistent managers. It was a regular Tuesday afternoon for the rest of them. It was a regular day for Henna too. Except that for Henna, today, regular wasn't good.

Some deep inhalation later, she tried to get back to work. But she couldn't for some practical reasons.  You see, she sat opposite her boss's cabin and unlike others, she could see her mildly attractive boss hanging from the ceiling. Everyone else, on the other hand, saw their mildly attractive boss polishing his fountain pens with a silk handkerchief.

There are some things people don't put on their resumes. The ability to see prospective death is one of them.
Henna shut down her computer and decided to head to the gym. She'd lost enough sleep in the past to bother about the inevitable now. Henna wouldn't be completing the proposal by the end of the day. She wouldn't be turning it in by the due date. However, tomorrow when everyone would turn up at work, they'd all see what Henna saw today.

And then missing the deadline wouldn't matter.

Posted on LinkedIn

Once upon a time
In a world that was wise
People went to work
And worked from nine to five

But we found that a bit too rigid
And a horrible type of crime
So as a remedy to the 9 to 5 illness
We now work all the time

465, 464, 463

I'm in Bombay now and it's superb! I think I'll spend the rest of the month here. Although I do have a set of really beautiful plants back home that I've left in the care of my cook.

But I have to finish some work and I'm just not getting focused. So I spoke with some pals from out of town and we are making plans for a getaway.

Let's see how things pan out. It's all good now.

466

Aunt is visiting and it's really nice. Mom was here some time ago and she bought me a fresh set of flowering plants. And my aunt gifted me this plant that has dark green leaves at the bottom but a deep red leaves towards the top.

Finished reading Anita Moorjani's 'Dying to Be Me'. Started on 'Life After Life' by Kate Atkinson. A pal had loaned me Alice Walker's 'Temples of my familiars'. I was supposed to pick this one up after I finished the earlier book but Atkinson's novel leapt out from a crowded bookshelf.

 

Whatevs

Okay. I just decided that I have to do some things about all the stuff I own in the house. So even though I am really tied, I am going to try to re-arrange the house somewhat. I am going to make some black coffee and lug the table back into the living room. Mum and my aunt are coming tomorrow and I'm really excited about that.

I want to go to learn tarot. Basically, here's someone I follow on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbZ1CH0DEww1k2rFGg_eYCA. He seems to be from Noida, a place I worked in many years ago. Also, the books on the table feel homey. So I feel a connect. I am still not sure whether anything is accurate or not but I feel a sense of connection.

I also like this guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7XzBASiXXs
(This link is an Aries forecast but you could look up your own. But his voice is so good!)

If anyone has links to other tarot card readers, please share?

Coffee, gosh! It would be so good to have coffee now. Strong, black, and lots.

Also, is January already over?! But it would be over, right? It would be over the way February will get over and then March and the rest of the year and the rest of the years. It feels funny.

Okay so maybe I am not going to get the dining table in today. I am so sleepy.

I will watch my forecasts and then have coffee and then sleep.

467

I am very exhausted.

There hasn't been water in one f my bathrooms for nearly 4 days now. It's so infuriating because the flat above me and the one below me get it. I asked the watchman to go and check up on the relevant valve but he is just so irritating (keeps staring at my friends and me all the time and rings the doorbell at midnight to ask some unnecessary, stupid thing. I dislike him immensely.)Anyway, the watchman didn't help me at all. I called a plumber who charged me a fair bit to change some pipes but it's fine now.

Went to Aundh for some treats with a pal. Then we stopped for some yogurt at a newly opened 'Menchies' at Cummins. The yogurt was okay but their plastic spoons were just so pretty!

Then I had to have a talk with my landlord regarding the renewal of my rent agreement and the painting of the house. But the stuff with the plumbers had me so tired. (They'd insisted on showing me some part of the broken pipe or whatever but I just kept nodding and didn't know what I was looking at. So in the middle of some great explanation I just yawned and went away to warm up food.)

And I was looking around the house and was wondering if there may be a way to clear clutter an I'd thought of bringing in the dining table from the balcony and removing some books but it's all quite crazy. And there's the dirty bathroom (where the plumbers worked) to clean up.

But a friend shared a link to an Ellen video where this absolutely cute, pudgy 5-year old uses the word 'apparently' a whole lot. I laughed so, so hard!

I am very exhausted.



 

468

Today I went for the movie, '500 days of summer' with a friend. We saw it at the rooftop of the Season's hotel. There were crumb-fried mushrooms and a nice fresh lime soda. We had coffee and cake later at Peter Donuts and because I spotted a spare five hundred rupees in my purse, I tanked up and we went for a drive.

I like our conversations when we go for a drive. It's like the darkness of the quiet universe of the car melts the walls around our deepest fears and we talk about that. Old age, insanity, depression, the weird possibility that if something happens and we don't die but we live forever...what happens then. The burden of this anxiety doesn't ease, does it? How do you keep going? What do you do?

What I like about these drives and these talks is that they happen so naturally. There's no liquor or smoking or smoking up. Although I am not wholly opposed to drinking (I have enjoyed it in the past but give t up for good now), the smoking and ingestion of substance just...I don't know...it alienates me in a very critical way. To me, it really is like the person just put up a sign saying 'Counter Closed'...that whatever conversation we may have had, whatever truth we may have shared, now will be funneled into this alter of the wine or cigarette or marijuana. So what I will be left with are dregs of the truth that I'll need to piece together correctly or incorrectly.

Some of the people I have felt closest to have drunk or smoked or smoked up. But now I feel that I appreciate people who can share and be themselves in sobriety. That perhaps is when people are simple and communication, if painful, is also simple. And when you keep things simple, I feel, is when you truly give peace a chance. And isn't that the whole point?

469

I had dinner with a friend from my earlier workplace tonight. We dined at the newly opened tap room at the Malaka Spice, Baner and it was just so much fun! The food was good. I had a nice soup and some vegetable dumplings. My friend some quail cutlets on a bed of mashed potatoes that were seasoned with wasabi flavors. She tells me those were good. Then we shared a steamed rice with a green Thai curry.

Over dinner we made up some crazy story which now seems really sweet and totally worth making a movie on. My friend is young and part of a generation that somehow is not interested in anything unless it comes in the form of sequels. So while I narrated this rather chaotic, crazy story, she very neatly sequestered the events into Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, etc.

We had a fine night.

February has just begun and I get the sense it's going to be about dinner with friends. 

470

I am very tired and cannot sleep. A couple of pals had come over. I just put out my dining table in the balcony and lit some candles and it was pretty.

Both my maids asked for a raise today and I turned down both of them. Told them that I am now not working.

Got some food from Salt, which was nice. At home, I roasted makhanas in mustard oil and made sevaiya kheer from an MTR packet. Both, I think, turned out well.

Anyway, I have with me a cup of black coffee and I am still not able to sleep. Or rather, I am feeling very very sleepy but I just can't bring myself to lie down. 

An approach

A weekend's over. It's dawn. Twilight fades graciously. It's a Monday morning. You switch on some music. You let the guitar strumming fill the rectangular space of cottony grey freshness that's your room. You let the song coat over you as you get off the bed. It's a Monday morning. And with the legacy of music, you begin work.