Chiffonesque

I am getting really exhausted and I want to sleep.  But we survived two days and here goes: 1. Papa is well and with me. In fact it was his birthday today.  2. I wore my new sequined top. 3. Had money today. 4. Got consulted for a new project. 5. Survived. Seriously.

 Does sunlight feel crowded for you? My mind is getting choked with a whole lot of things and I feel I am getting pulled in a lot of different directions. But I am scared. I am really scared about how things will turn out. I am just not being able to focus. There is something that I have to work on. There is something that I am trying to fill up. Here are the things that don't work for me - waiting for calls to happen, waiting for the shoe to drop, waiting for one more thing to break or go wrong.  But one breathes and stays curious. That is my jam right now. On second thoughts I didn't like Backyard Brew. Some of the staff members are liars and I think that there is something suspect in their kitchen.  When will all this be over?  Here's what I really wish for - 365 days of peace. No work. To just deeply reset and get my bearings right. I have to really focus and maybe even just start writing down what kind of a life I want.

 Am still working but we must be stubborn about gratitude. And consistent about it. So, here are the things that I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. He returned and was really tired. But he is home. 2. Cook had made really tasty poha. 3. Had electricity, water, and food. 4. Weather was nice. 5. Got through the day. Maybe with a little bit of surrender. That really is something I want to master in this lifetime.

 This was yesterday. It has ended but I thought I should write about this: 1. Papa is well. We went for a nice coffee to Ananda in Juhu. It was special. 2. I did a fair bit of work. 3. Both my help came. 4. I had money for an indulgence. 5. Weather was good. 6. There was water and food. 7. Ate healthy yesterday. 8. Quite enjoyed the masala chai at Ananda. 9. Had deep sleep last night. I love having my father here. It is special!

 Here are all the things that I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well and is in my house. 2. I met up with some friends this evening. It was good, good fun! 3. Both help came today. 4. Got implemented today by a stranger. Was wearing my dress from Nicobar. 5. Got lost on the way back home in the rick. But found my way. That's what I should remember. I got home. Safe.  6. I noticed that I was holding on to some anxiety. Did some stretching. Felt good.

 Here are a few things I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. Spoke to him today and will possibly see him soon. His voice is the most reassuring voice I have in my life now. 2. Ordered (and really enjoyed) the charred skewers from Earth Cafe. 3. Today I heard something said about me. It bothered me. And I just got thinking that I would like to get through the rest of my life not being this affected all the time. I just came to know that the rest of the year can be a little tough but also a great opportunity to overturn some of these lifelong patterns. Although I am a little disturbed, I still count this as a good thing. Maybe it will tenderize a hard hurt and at some point in the future, there will be freedom.  4. While returning from Mount Mary today, I saw a sign outside St. Peter's, "When you look to the past, thank God. When you look to the future, trust God." So sweet! Maybe that's the message I need to live by. 5. Got through the day. Am very very tired. But got t

 Here are all the things I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. 2. Weather was good. 3. Really enjoyed a rare packet of Maggi today. 4. Enjoyed half a croissant. Did not go overboard. So grateful for the restraint. 5. Wearing my mom's bangle. I dreamed of her today. A very deep true-to-life dream. 6. Both my help turned up today. 7. Went to deposit a cheque. Quite impressed with the SBI cheque deposit box. But let's see if it all goes well. 8. There was water and electricity, etc. 9. Was healthy. Could move about despite a slight knee pain. 10. Really enjoyed the Turkish coffee I brewed for myself.

 Here are all the things I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. 2. Met my cousin. 3. My cook made a really nice summer, paneer salad with blueberries cherry tomatoes, and roasted crushed peanuts. Had taken some sourdough bread and a rosemary and sea-salt loaf as accompaniment. It was nice! 4. I was looking nice today. Felt good. 5. Not too much traffic today. That is blessed!

 I am really not feeling like noting down the things I am grateful for today but I will. Why? Because we are stubborn. Because we want to lean into commitment. Because we must remember that even though times are/ were/ will be hard, there are things we can look back at and say, "Hmm. Wasn't so bad." Because we love Oscar Wilde and he said once, "We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking up at the stars." 1. Papa is well. 2. Met a friend at Mg. St. today. It was nice. We returned home and it was lovely chatting up. 3. Went to Vashi and met my cousin. 4. Got a cab back late night and returned, even though one of the cabs cancelled. 5. Had money for the treats and intra-city travels. 6. Had water and electricity. 7. Had a really nice head massage today. 8. Lost my temper pretty bad but still managed to go about the day.

 Things I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. 2. Had a really nice kombucha and mushroom hummus at Yari Road's Shelter. 3. Absolutely LOVED the mango ice-cream at Sancha. 4. Git home safe. 5. Had a great brainstorming session with some people at work. That's lovely!

 1. Papa is well. 2. I broke a bottle and ordered one. Got it today. Amazon is swift. 3. Managed to eat pretty clean today. 4. Feeling weak and really tapped out but managed to get through. 5. Help turned up, there was water and electricity, etc.  6. Some past dues got cleared.

 It has been a couple of days and I have been unwell. But still, one is living and one is typing. Here are all the things that I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. 2. I was able to get out of bed. 3. There was water and electricity. 4. My help came today. 5. Tried out Mag. St. The tofu scramble was creamy and yummy. The mushrooms were a tad salty. Coffee was not good. 6. Had a full belly sleep yesterday. 7. Weather has been scrumptious. 8. Came across an excellent humorous article by Douglas Adams. 9. Binged on a bunch of podcasts. 10. Some painful memories came to the surface. I am putting that down as something to be thankful for because I heard somewhere today that pain's only demand is to be felt.

 Quick entries. Here are the things I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. 2. I really enjoyed Mr. and Mrs. Mahi. It is such a sweet film! For a cricket movie, it is quiet and simple. Not rousing or ultra-dramatic. In fact, even with the lead couole - Rajkumar Rao and Janhavi don't share this crackling chemistry. Just a nice warmth that could (and does) grow over time. It's really nice.  3. I sketched quite a bit yesterday. Not sure if I can share those pics here. Let's see: 4. I cannot explain how happy I am! I got my large set of Ohuhu Watercolor Brush set! It is just so gorgeous! I love it so so much! It has 48 shades and I also got an adult coloring book and I love it. Couldn't wait to start painting so I started on something yesterday. 5. Got home safe. 

 Here are all the things that I am grateful for: Papa is well. Had a really nice massage this morning. Got some feedback on a storyboard and it was good. Met a friend for coffee at Magnolia. I am having a slightly rough feeling about it. But it was coffee. It was in Magnolia. And it was nice enough. Got a sizeable amount of money credited today. That was a bit of a relief

It has been very busy and I haven't had the time. But here are all the things I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well  2. Some amount of things got done. 3. Got paid back a loan. 4. A company needed to pay me money but they paid me a small amount of that. 5. Got through the last few days. 6. Bought a croissant and it was tasty. 7. Treated myself to the charred skewers from Earth Cafe. 8. Doing some stretching and it has been nice. 9. There's something I have promised to do everyday. To practice surrender. And so far I have been doing it. 10. Managed to stay away from rice for a bit.  11. Really enjoyed the Shroom burger from The Backyard Brew. 12. My friend's daughter's birthday. Spoke to her. 13. Safe.  14. Went ahead and did stuff. 15. Go away. 

 Tough days and they don't seem to be getting easy.  Anyway, there is always a clutch of things to be grateful for. So here they are: 1. Papa is well. 2. Had food, water, electricity (for the most parts). 3. Completed one batch of work. So that was okay. 4. Met a friend for coffee yesterday. It was a sudden plan and well, worked out. 5. Both the help turned up. That, it seems, is a huge deal! 6. Stayed away from rice for dinner. 7. Today the cook had made some really tasty vegan seekh kabab sabzi. 8. Slept well for a few hours. 9. Did some stretching. 10. Got through two days. 

 1. Papa is well. 2. Completed a storyboard. 3. Watched a nice debate on YouTube. 4. Stayed away from rice. 5. Had water, electricity and all that. 

 1. Papa is well. 2. Stayed away from rice and chips at night. 3. Got through the day. 4. Did a juicy teensy assignment. 5. Got some good feedback on work.