Day 10

 Today was a strange, magical day.

1. Papa is doing well. 

2. V took me for a ride to Gorai. The weather was good and the village is so pretty! There are ornate churches and villas decked like dollhouses. There are little lanes dotted with the shades of mango trees. Latge spacees with children with healthy biscuit brown complexion playing cricket. It was lovely! We even took a tiny ferry ride to Malad with the bike. I think the bike looked cheery too. It was such a lovely day - the backache was worth it. 

3. My cook made really yummy curd rice and besan omlette. I got a massage at home and slept off.

4. This was a kicker. This is so enchanting that I can't believe it. I had a dream in the afternoon. I dreamt that I was in a purple forest. There were silver birds and large golden blooms. I could hear the sound of water. And I smelled something. It was heady and lush. It was the mix of spicy, sweet rose and Oud. I don't remember much after that, except that I woke up with a strong desire to go get it. For some strange reason I thought I should go to Kurla. (By the by, if you cannot afford to go Muhammad Ali Road for iftar, Kurla is a worthy alternative. I love that the sweet shops are bedecked like jewelry stores.) I walked into this shop and asked if they had some sweetish, rose scent with Oud. This guy showed me a couple of options  The one I smelled first...it was EXACTLY the same as the one in my dream. Exactly! The second one, closer to my budget, was nice but...not this. Still, I was buying it because the one I wanted was four-five times my budget. I couldn't afford it but as the guy was ringing up the bill, I told him to give me my dream perfume instead. I just remember feeling that my heart would break if I left that other one behind. So I got it home and am wearing it now. It feels like an answered prayer.

5. Walked on Carter Road with a friend close to midnight. It was so bustling and happy! 

It was a good day! 

Day 9

 Things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well.

2. Had gone to Versova beach in the morning. I was feeling a crazed sense of restlessness. Just getting up, wiping off sleep from eyes, taking a rickshaw and heading out felt good. I quite like Versova. It's a little bit like a drunk uncle who tells awesome stories and has magic tricks. Maybe a lot of him is tough to take but you definitely need him around for stodgy dinner-time conversations.

3. Met V and we went to a mall. It was so much fun! Or at least I had fun. It's a little bit of a downer when I am rushed through a window shopping experience. But it was nice being out in the sun.

4. I made myself tea and it came out well.

5. I was sleeping fitfully for a while now. I woke up feeling sad and lost. A friend called and I had the most nourishing chat with her. That was scrumptious. 

Day 8

 It was a dull, slow day. Went by like molasses. But a few things I am thankful for today:

1. Papa is well.

2. I was stuck in traffic for a long time this morning. BKC looked like a collective automotive hold-up. No. Not hold-up. A hostage situation. So there we were. The cabbie and I, listening to the radio. And I had this moment of refjune. I made up this word. Refjune - a typical Mumbai moment where you look around the crowd and you turn benevolent because of some kind of magical reframing in your mind. 

There were so many people. Being patient. Maybe being defeated even before they reached their metaphorical battlefield. Some of them must be turning up for work where they will not be understood. Some may be headed to a hospital to care for a parent whose days are numbered. Some might be taking their child to a school they can barely afford. But still, here we all were. This traffic, more than anything, was a testimony to all of us just showing up. All of us who were dumb enough yo not call in and cancel. Or change their mind. Or hit the Snooze button. Sure, it is no basecamp. But it counts. Oh, it counts for a lot. This was my refjune. I made up a new word and I reframed my mind about traffic. It was massive.

3. I left office really late and my phone had conked off. So I had to take a regular rick. He got stopped by cops midway and he didn't have his license. Then I had to catch another rick. I got home safe and very relieved.

4. I was famished. And today of all days, my cook had made a pasta salad. SALAD!!!I nearly collapsed in the kitchen. So with the last few bucks left of my salary, I ordered katthal biryani (jackfruit biryani) from Charcoal Eats. Uff! It was phenomenal! May God bless them and their families for ever and ever. It was sublime.

5. I have my eyesight. 

Day 7

Got through one more day. What things am I grateful for?

1. Papa is well and I spoke with him today.

2.  I got through one more day. That really is a little bit of a miracle, considering how time just marches on - independent of mood. I wonder if time has a mood. It is behaving like a sulking teenager unwilling to go to a relative's function. So, yes - slow, sulking, reluctant - but it moves on.

3. Had water and electricity. 

4. I finished a couple of things on time.

5. Ate very tasty masala rice today. I love that.

Day 6

 Today I write simply because in the face of deep anguish, I have to be stubborn about gratitude. Like a school friend had told me in one of my darkest days, "Sabr Karo. Shukr Karo." (Be patient. Be grateful.)

So, today here are the things I am thankful for:

1. Papa is alive and well.

2. I met V after a fall out. Maybe we will fall out again. But going for bike ride with him and eating a Frankie just feels precious. Something I would like to do for as long as I am alive and in Bandra. He is extremely irritating. But he feels like home.

3. I got to and fro from work safe.

4. I had food on the table.

5. I had water in the taps.

It's painful. This day was painful. And tomorrow will be painful. But let the records show, we still noticed the joy and kept it aside.

Day 5

 Things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well and we went for a nice coffee/ smoothie/ Buddha bowl early dinner to TruFit Gourmet cafe at Hill Road. (Near Church street.)

2. Managed to avoid Holi colours.

3. Cooked a mixed vegetable rice. Turned out well.

4. Had a nice, quick visit to Mount Mary.

5. Made myself some tea. Tastes real good. 

Day 4

 Grateful for the following:

1. Papa is well. He is with me today.

2. Quite enjoyed Madgaon Express. I was sitting next to a group of 3 boys who seemed a little wary of sharing their space with some chic holding a book and a bottle of Raw orange juice. I liked the film but these boys were laughing really hard...like slapping thighs and laughing and doing the high-five. Young people!

3. Cook had made really tasty food today.

4. Got home safe 

5. Every night I light a diya at the altar. A friend had told me that it helps keep your space safe. I have followed that advice for several years now. Today I lit two. Last few weeks I have not been feeling good health-wise. My forearms have been hurting off and on. As far as I can tell, there are no triggers really. Anyway, the human body is such a fragile, temperamental thing anyway. If it is in reasonable good shape to take you through the day, it's as much as one can ask for I suppose. Anyway, I sat in the dark looking at two little flames. In my faith, fire is deemed to be a witness. Any major vows or solemn oaths are to be taken before a fire so that it counts as a witness for your word. It converts a strange empty phrase to a promise you will be held to. We also believe that a human is a microcosm of an immense consciousness. And a wee flame of a tealight wick is part of an element that can burn down vast forests, large metropolises, and even stars. So there we were - the two of us, tiny tears of majestic canvases - both in a Bandra flat, looking at each other. Knowing we could be so much more. But happy with what we were. 

Day 3

 I slept off yesterday so forgot to write this. Things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is fine.

2. Had a lovely time at Prithvi last night. It was a sweet little play on a work by Edgar Allan Poe by Qasar Shah. It was in a tiny little room called Prithvi adda. This is a space opposite the theatre.

3. Had really yummy food at Earth Cafe. I have been there several times now and it doesn't disappoint. The charred skewers and the tofu scramble were delectable!

4. Went to the beach. Had a nice walk there and Juhu, for all its crowd and bustle, is a gorgeous, gorgeous place.

5. Had a safe ride back home in my most favourite time of the night - 1:30 a.m. SV Road was bustling with people getting out of clubs or people having kulfi before they had to wake up later for the Sehri prayers. Got home, lit a Diya, and felt good that in a big, large world...I have a tiny little place. Sometimes, the world does feel cozy. 

Day 2

 One rough day. Rather one more rough day. 5 things I am grateful for today:

1. Papa is there.

2. Have a home to come to.

3. Reached home safe despite a driver who insisted on either driving with one hand or not handling the steering wheel at all.

4. Had clothes to wear.

5. Had food to eat. 

Day 1

 It is 11:39 p.m. I have returned after meeting my good friend, M, who helped me to sign up for Netflix. I have always ever used other people's accounts but this time, I got my own. It seems like a step in adulting. 

I feel that life is going to be a little rough going for a while. So, my go-to method to cope with stuff is to start a quick gratitude practice where I list 5 things that made me happy. (And I really should because my life philosophy - or at least I claim it to be, 'Amor Fati' - the Stoic philosophy of 'loving your fate'.) Here are the things I am grateful for:

1. Got to meet my friend in her office. It's very soothing to go to someone else's office for a change. I waited in the lobby. It has a dazzling chandelier and everything. That was fun.

2. I got a Netflix account and now I can't wait to watch Archies over the weekend.

3. My friend took me to a neighboring bar where she frequents with her colleagues. We had diet coke with ice and that's always such a delicious thing.

4. I loved the malai kulfi there - small creamy cubes of delectable, cool sweetness.

5. Spoke to Papa and he seemed fit and happy.

Thus far, this is it and enough for me to end the day with some sweetness and softness.