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 A long, full day in town. Woke up early to attend a class, then met a friend for a day in town. Brunched at Nutcracker Colaba, visited the Prince of Wales museum (which has been spruced up remarkably but remains cryptic with information and thematic organization as before), traipsed along Colaba and found ourselves at the Subko at Abode, ate at Gokul, found a few nice cheap shirts to buy, walked by the sea a bit, and then got home.

A ton was discussed and I need to maybe unpack a couple of things...Jungian archetypes being one of them.But for now, pictures of a day gone by, complete with pictures of a window with black gauze curtains from the museum.

I loved the eyes of this following bust. So detailed.

The museum is actually quite pretty. 

The following piece was a really cool installation of men hanging from a local train whilst blitzing across the city. This really was like a secret code for people who have lived and worked in Bombay during a certain period of time. So many people, includng kids growing up in Bombay today or those who have moved in here today, won't get the reference.

For some reason, the museum has a ton of mythological pieces from around teh country with very little from Maharashtra. This bit below is an interesting statue of a dog who resided with a saint in his cave for a while. When the saint died and he went to some intermediary plane, he was not able to stay away from his dog so he came back to Earth to keep the dog company. Finally, the dog led him to enlightenment. That was so sweet!

The following set is a crowd of cute little lamas! Such chubby cherubs!

It seems as if Bhairava, the rudra or fierce avatar of Lord Shiva is gaining traction in today's times. This one bust is actually quite beautoful when you observe the various other heads and eyes in sculpted in his mukut (crown).

Mountain figurines are so beautiful and delicate. I am always drawn in by the long tapering fingers and eyes closed with attention and rapture. It's a common motif in all of these mountain art. 

I loved this little windo with black gauze curtains. It lended a touch of old world mystery to the place.

The museum is quite random. Out of nowhere there's some peacock-oriented art from Rajasthan. Why? Who knows?

I loved this clay bust of an elephant! It looks so peaceful and happy.

Some wheel of life art painted on fabric.

The following bust is that of Buddha. Such a handsome face! Watching a lot of Buddha statues together, it is fascinating to see his features change from lotus-eyed, long-nosed prince to Oriental-featured spiritual master. 

Jain statue - this is the 22nd Tirthankara.

There is a variation of this in Elephanta.

Oh, this is such a sweet, sweet picture! This is also Buddha - in the form of a prince. Some people consider him to be an Emperor of the world, apart from being the Enlightened One. This is a representation of that. I think he looks a little like Lord Krishna here with a peacock feather on his crown. His expression is so serene, kind, and joyful.

We then walked out of the museum and found ourselves at Subko where I had cold water. COLD water. Such a precious luxury.

It's quite a cute Subko! Small teensy place but with the trademark community table and I liked the rajnigandha here.

This Subko is in an old heritage building. I was quite taken in with the chandelier here. 

We walked around, shopped a few things, and then went to Gokul. Finally we left and saw a tiny patch of lights and bulbs threaded aross a small patch at Bade Miya. A sweet little spot of joy. Always Bombay. 

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(Pic. reference: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-lawn-graveyard-19783590/)

Childhood as canvas.

Subconscious as a child.

A wound as inception.

A scab as an eternity.

Sunlight for the weeping.

Sunshine for the dead.

Moonlight for the grieving.

Darkness for the unsaid.

Pain as palette.

Heavy heart as a muse.

Tristesse and songs as snacks.

And art as abuse.

Pastel is the denouement.

Lurid is the surprise.

Guitar splotches for the spilled tears.

Piano welts for the reprise.

A moody kaleidoscope spinning

Churning so much and this haze

Hides all the cheers from long ago.

Wipes out the glasses we had raised. 

 

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(Pic. courtesy: Photo by Sebastian Voortman.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/body-of-water-during-golden-hour-189349/)

DWorked through the night to get an early start to the stuff that was shared earlier. I also

went for a class at 6 a.m. It is a 3-day workshop on something.

It is a 2-hour workshop and in the middle of it, I got so sleepy that I slept.

Anyway, I did what I could. I started work and finished late - but one thing off my

my list. Tired to write anything now.

 

Not tired really - just depleted. 

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 Today was also not great but I think I may be getting a sense of how to proceed. Early days but let's see. It was my father's birthday and I had taken leave today to go meet him. Didn't work out. So went to my favourite Subko in the morning, had black coffee and an amazing sourdough toast with almond butter, bananas, honey, and cinnamon. It is expensive but it is really really worth it.

The new cleaning lady did not turn up today. Someone in her house is unwell. So I told her she is out of the job and I will pay her for the days worked. 

I have seen a very strong connection that if you are spending money on medicines, legal cases, etc., it means that somewhere the energy with which you are earning money is not honest. It needn't be smuggling or killing people. It could be shortchanging the extent of work you do, being unfocused, or one of those who want to spend "quality time" with your family by palming off work to others. That is exactly the sort of wages generated that will get spent on nurses, medicines, etc. And the fact that this is more common today than ever just goes to show how badly we have approached work. 

Earn but not give to charity, take leave but not finish tasks, not take care of your health do you go simpering about burnout...why have men become so weak? Instead of so much focus on female hormonal profile, we should study the rate of testosterone drop, I think. No grit. This cleaning lady's 26 year old son who was unemployed for ever went to a job for 2 days and fell so sick that he had to be hospitalized. Tomorrow there will be a large song and dance recitation of how he ate something, how he drank something, etc. But this is laziness. When you get so lazy that it becomes your identity, especially in your youth, it can only destroy you.

Everybody wants to marry rich...the men want to marry rich, the women want to marry rich...and no one wants to work or think.  

Heard about this horrible incident in Etawah. Brahmins accosted men of a lower caste and shaved their hair and sprinkled urine on them. These were men. I wonder if there's a problem with the water and grain of this land now that men are getting this pusillanimus and cowardly. 

And these useless men are married to hapless selfish women who will stick on to the marriage because they are secure. And their children will go to some paper-tiger International School where they will be ashamed of living in the country and slavishly eat Korean food. That's the state of the modern day Hindu - weak, lost, incapable, useless.

It's amazing how much corruption has happened with the Upanishads. But no. Let's not read that. Let's eat Ramen and stay caste-ist. (And people from other faiths - their extent of interest in Hinduism is whatever the BJP says. Everybody wants to be a dunce.)

I think we should have a Uniform Civil Code now. It really is time. 

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 It was a very painful day. I don't think I have felt this much heartbreak in a long time. It is amazing how I got through the day. But now I don't know how I will get through the night. Warmed up the tea and it is sickeningly sweet. I actually put sugar now and not the stupid Stevia. But I want to make coffee now with Sugar-free. My mind is really numb and I am quite surprised that my hands are not trembling. Sometimes the capacity of the body to manage and regulate itself is fabulous. 

I have still a lot of client feedback to incorporate. I should quieten down the mind and heart and carry on. 

But it has to be said. I feel defeated. Maybe I am.

Maybe that means that the war is over.

Maybe that means that I'm still not ready for the battle that continues.

Still - 100 more days remaining. We will 'soldier' on. 

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 It was a sledge ride at work. There was tumultuous news. Then there was peace. Then there was rocky news again. Then some calls, marginal work, and that's that. One day ended.

Woke up a tad late today. I have hired new help and I don't really want her now. But she just started and it's not going too well. As in, I am not feeling too good about it. The other one is also not getting into the groove. Some people at work are making silly errors and you have to answer for them. That's not too shabby though. Mistakes get made, rectified, and moved past. In fact, the learning from a mistake is the mental kintsugi.

Didn't work out today. Not because there was a lot of work but because it was sporadic. 

I don't like losers. I can't quite explain what I mean by that - it is not the person who has actually lost. But people who I suppose put up a facade of pretend to be winners in some alternative game when they're not. Like...people who don't have sufficient means but support charity and keep talking about that to guilt others into thinking that they are living a hollow life. It's not people who actually do charity. It's people who seemingly support charities when their own life is running around. They can't take care of their families or their own children or parents but they want to donate to some organization. Again, this is not what I want to say. It is possible to love a penguin more than a sister. But...I suppose what I am trying to say is that I notice a certain two-facedness in trying to cover up one's own lack of self-worth with altruism.

It is the worst - self-delusion is I think the very worst sort of mental and emotional state. There was a friend's brother who had come over. He explained nearly 5 times how his sister (my friend) was taking care of his parent that he was paying for. The fact that he needed to say it so many times made it so clear that he was feeling guilty. Because no amount of dollars or Euros in the world could make it up for the fact that his sister was there to help his mum to the toilet and change her diapers when he wasn't. It's not easy examining your motives and owning up to the truth, for sure. But living in delusion is equally painful and infinitely more dangerous I think. You start cultivating within you a cunning coward that will keep robbing you of the sun.

I bought another Gita today, I don't know why. I have so many variations. I think buying books, especially wisdom literature, is just cloak and dagger stuff from sitting in one place and feeling one with the knot in the stomach.

Anyway this is it for today. Will change, make coffee, and see if I can do some more work. Requiem for tedium. 

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Zig Zag Road...a house that Dickens would write about.

The bend of the road where you see, don't see, almost see - what comes later... that's what life is. 

Carter Road - the sort of unexpected clearing you spot when stars align.

Joggers Park - rainy, stormy, drenched with nostalgia. Plenty beat up now...but something about this sings.

What makes and will always make Pali Hill special - the unexpected splendour it will hide in plain sight. This place is such a sonnet.

Woke up really early in the morning. The weather was lovely. Went for a walk and it was so luscious and cool that it felt as if Monday had started off on a weekend.  When you walk up Pali Hill and you first see Carter's, it looks like a mirage at certain times of the day - early morning in the rains or around 4:30 pm in the winters or just as the sun is setting during summers. It looks like fallen gold coins that glint through thick foliage. 

I often feel that Carter's is for the love of the sun and Bandstand is for the mood of the moon. And when you walk or travel from one part to the other, you are skirting along the curves of the yin and yang. 

I saw a couple of really sweet birds - a black and white bird with cobalt-blue arrow smudge on its tail, a brown bird with a widish beak that gurgled like a water bird. 

Returned home and began the day. Some tumult at work. Didn't get as much done as I would have liked. Will work longer tomorrow. 

Saw an interesting video by Sid Warrier, a neurologist I had started following because of a project - but now follow him routinely. He has an interesting video on why scrolling actually exhaust us in the long run and how it causes brain rot. (Scrolling aimlessly results in a dopamine loop and demands an emotional investment that we may not even be aware we are making.) He recommended a couple of interesting ways one could tackle this. One of them is to seek out information out of curiosity instead of consuming whatever the algorithm throws your way. The other method is something I had tried out (not knowing it is neurologist-recommended)- that you create something out of the material you have watched or consumed. So if you binged a Netflix series, write an Instagram post about it or create a podcast out of it. He said something interesting - that when you create something, it is a rebellion against this conditioning of a dopamine quick-fix quagmire. (When I had an Instagram account, I used to at least write a short paragraph on the Netflix series that I watched.) Now I write about it on my blog.

Actually, this blog has helped me in so many ways. I have written it solo for nearly two decades. I've written it in defiance of a couple of notions - that I can't do anything long-term, that you only write something when there's something big or interesting to write about, that I can only be motivated to write when I am getting paid for it. (To be honest, I have gotten some non e-learning work because of the blog but that wasn't the intention.)

Anyway, maybe I will make myself some tea and see if I can work a little. 

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(Steps cafe, Mount Mary)

I have so much to write about today. Don't know where to begin.

I had a really bad dream. I dreamt that the roof of my bedroom was leaking and the walls were bloated with sewage. I was trying to protect myself but couldn't. (Many days ago, I'd had a dream where there was a downpour and the roof had crashed or was crashing on me. I was flailing about to protect myself but I couldn't. At the entry of the bedroom door, I saw my mum and dad standing and watching me.) These dreams have felt very vivid. In fact, the first time I saw this dream, I was paralyzed with fear.

I used to be very interested in and also good at dream interpretation. When you dream of walls of your home becoming weak or the roof crashing down, it means that one is generally feeling exposed and vulnerable and defenceless. Water represents emotions, so it is likely that I am feeling defenceless against processing large waves of emotion. It could mean that my usual protocol for protecting myself against feelings is failing.

 Seeing my parents at the doorway loking at me and not intervening could be indicating a situation where I do not feel supported or protected by my parents. Mom is no more. And things are tight and tough with Dad. So yes, the feeling of overwhelm could be true. Work is also giddying at times in terms of volume and expectation of time and energy. 

Anyway, I am quite good at interpreting dreams. I used to do that quite accurately in college and later on when I started working. But stopped. Still, if anyone wants their dream interpreted, I could do that. You can write to me at mukta.raut@gmail,com.

I woke up upset and burning with a desire to do something. I took a rick and went to Iskcon. I have no idea why. It could be because I'd gone to Juhu yesterday - but I just felt the need to be in Juhu again - in Inskcon where I'd see fresh pink lotuses and deep yellow-orange marigolds carefully being strewn like necklaces. It was early - around 6:30 or so. I caught a rick and Juhu beach - empty and laced with powerful rolling waves looking full and mighty - like a mighty tigress pacing in a jungle. There are very few things that can rival the open heart fortitude of an empty beach and a dancing ocean.

Iskcon, as I had anticipated, was an experience. I am still so moved by it that I don't want to write about it yet. But suffice to say that I left with a smile. Returned, warmed up some upma from yesterday for breakfast, ate and slept - a nice, dreamless sleep.

Evening went for a head massage because I woke up with a heavy head. Then later in the evening, went to Mount Mary with a friend. We tried to locate Steps - a charming teeny cafe at the stop of steps opposite St. Stephen's church - not the steps with the mosaic bits at the end of the road. (Pointing out that difference in case you want to visit.) It's built around a thick tree trunk, got a Faraway Tree feel to it. I loved the place - and aim to go there for some journaling. It's the kind of place you can take a diary and a stop-watch and just write your heart out for the time. There's a sated vibe to the place. Anyway, we had a couple of beverages and when we were leaving, the patron(ess) told us to try their hot chocolate next time - it is apparently made with 55% pure chocolate and no sugar. 

Maybe I'll dream about that tonight. 

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 Today was a luscious and full day. It began with a lot of trepidation. Every Saturday I go to meet Papa and I have to face a few struggles, conflict, and pain internally. Some days I think of canceling my plans and asking him to come to Bandra - but I know that he is in pain now and cannot undertake the travel. I don't think I pray as much during the week as much as I pray on Friday night and Saturday morning to help me get through the day. 

Anyway, we went to the temple as usual, but the temple was closed. But they gate the sanctum sanctorium so we can still see Ma Kali through the grills. She is so beautiful and happy. Ever since my childhood, I have associated Ma Kali with joy. I see a little girl instead of a warrior goddess. This Ma Kali though, is particularly cheery. She brings a smile to my face.

Papa and I sat after darshan. I love Kali Ma temples - they are quiet and serene, unlike Mahalakshmi, Krshn, and Ganpati temples. There was a little boy cycling in the compound. Papa watched him a little, and then I took him to the Seawoods mall, where I wanted to buy him Birkenstocks but he said no. His feet are swelling up, and his shoes are tight. And his back is also acting up. Today he went to the loo in the mall and I waited outside. He was taking a long time, and I didn't have my phone with me. I died a thousand deaths waiting out. I went into a store and asked them to use a landline to call Papa. Then he came out, and it was the sweetest sight - him in a faded red shirt. We had coffee and an avocado salsa sandwich at Starbucks. My current project is technical - so I discussed that with him and I saw him get so excited about engineering things.

After home booked a rickshaw and returned to Bandra. Nowadays I loved the rickshaw rides from Vashi to Bandra. It is so exciting and much better than returning in a cab. The rick guy was really sweet and he showed me a couple of shortcuts. One - skirting Vashi gaon I think - around the Shiv temple. Another shortcut was the back lanes of the airport.

Went to the neighboring parlor. It's not the best parlour but sometimes they have happy people there. There's a lady there who does the eyebrows and stuff who has the gentlest touch - like an angle's whisper. I like getting my eyebrows waxed because it is quicker and you avoid that whole production of tugging your eyelids, etc. 

Then went to Juhu beach with a friend. I just love Juhu beach! It has such a carnival vibe throughout the year. It was a high-tide when we reached so no one was allowed on the beach. But gosh! we sat on the sandy steps, had pani puri and enjoyed those strong gusts of sea breeze that unknot the tension in your shoulders and soothe out the migraine. That was lovely!

We went to Third Waves for an iced tea and walnut cake thereafter. 

And got home. 

(Those are the pictures of the flyover when you get into Bandra. I can't explain just how much joy erupts in my heart when I enter Bandra. I feel glad and grateful and blessed and blissful - and just complete. Something somewhere is looking out for me that I get to return here. I really feel as if I am hugging my Ma.)

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It was a good day. A rather large part of a project got done. This is what always makes me feel good - when you look back and decide the project got done by people who showed up...despite lack of talent, lack of personality, despite lack of luck, despite lack of time, despite lack of focus, despite lack of energy. Just show up. There is a might to that kind of attendance.

I think people get possessive about their pain...it is interesting how we can go about methodically painting ourselves into a corner...and then sit hunched enjoying that shade. 

Papa had come over and looks like the next few months is going to be precious and expensive. But...no matter. It will only work out for the best.

Lot to complete over the weekend and it would have been nice to sleep off now. But the mind is an overdrive. 

Managed to go for a workout today. Feels good. 

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 It's a funky kind of mood. I ended the day early, went for a quick workout, and then met up with a friend. We rode to Bandstand. 

The weather was luscious. Sitting by the sea in light that artists paint on canvasses in their loft studios and then gift to strangers who they'll never meet again....The night just quenched a thirst of the soul you didn't know one had. 

Bandstand was lovely as usual. The promenade had sweet little flowers jangling like tinsel in the breeze. The sea rolled. I had a small cup of coffee - sweet and strong. Returned home to some simple chhole-chaawal H had prepared. It was simple and so, so tasty! The kind you get in langar.

Some days in Bandra pass like this - like a chant on a prayer bead. 

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Had a strange conversation with my neighbour. A little annoyed with her but there are other issues I need to resolve. So can't focus on that. 

Well, did not do any workout today. So not happy about that. But if it's any consolation, did not order anything from outside. 

Work weeks really need to have an off in the middle of the week. The incessant pinging, the painful and abrupt departure by some people so that the load falls on other people, the weather, the sheer exhaustion of having too many open tabs, etc. - one needs recovery from that. 

I think this weekend I will give myself a break - not work on any editing or anything. The exhaustion is deep.

I think I will clear stuff in the kitchen, warm up my coffee, and see if I can work some more or just let it be.

The more I think the more I realise that the ability to concentrate and deconcentrate needs to be mastered. 

If I got a boon to do anything today, I would wish for focus. 

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This late night walk after a tough, rough unending day at work. I am so, so exhausted. But this...sweet chutney of wind, lane littered with peach blossoms, jasmines and hibiscus, a teasing monsoon breeze, sky smudged with grey and deep longing, emptiness of a world, fullness of a soul...this is the Bandra I love. And the one that loves me back. 

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It was Father's Day today but I did not celebrate it. In fact, I don't think I would have remembered to call Papa and talk to him until he called to ask me about some bank papers. 

Did only a few push-ups at home today. Wanted to go to the gym or go out. Didn't happen.

Feeling a silent rage for some reason. That can't be good. 

Here are a few things if you are doing instructional design work on a technical project:

1. Understand the germ and essence of the domain and discipline. For law, it is justice and equality in representation. For medicine, it is physical and anatomical health primarily. For research, it is gaining knowledge through systematic investigation. Basically, for every discipline, there is an essence that you will need to know so that you can use it as a compass to guide all your learning design. This especially becomes your North Star for designing assessment, interactivities, stories or scenarios, checklists or performance support, and other learning interventions.

2. Use GenAI to understand the basic tenets of a discipline - what it is, what its not, major inventions in the last few years, whether it is a pure discipline or an applied one, major thinkers in the field, real-world applications, etc. Get the lay of the land. Sit in that information for a while.

3. When writing assessments for technical subjects (any subject, actually), only focusing on Blooms taxonomy is not enough. It is also important to factor in DOK - Depth of Knowledge. DOK like Blooms is a framework that maps out the cognitive processes outlined in learning. But DOK also covers the complexity with which a learner has to engage with the content. When you plot out both these things, the intersection will help you create a rich, deep assessment question.

4. Nowadays to understand a complex technical subject, I check out YouTube channels set up for IAS aspirants. I find those really good. For some ideas for interactivities, etc. I also use the 'Google + Reddit' prompt to get some fresh inputs. That's the interesting part of user-generated content. If you go to a credible source, then the ideas are not just by the content creator. They are also contributed by other people. That actually gives you a pulse of what kind of content on the subject will resonate and connect with your target audience.

5. Infuse joy. That just is the baseline for all good learning design. Make space for the smiles. 

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A Charles Bukowski postcard. A Charles Dickens evening. A Charlotte Bronte worldview. All the things that make a Sunday a classic send-off to a week that was.

Serendipity

 I was just looking at my Mummy's photo and I couldn't explain what kind of love and melancholy pervades my heart. A minute later, a friend from Pune, Anant, shares this with me. It's like the air is filled with poetry - and beautiful whiff of dandelion dust will be sent your way by a pal. 

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Headache today and a lot of eating has happened. But let's go over the day. Went to the Kali temple in the morning without completing my sleep. Going back home always feels painful nowadays. Still went by to do that. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do it. 

Anyway my head was not screwed on properly I think. I left my keys inside the house. What a horrid, horrid way to get stuck. Called H, my cleaning lady and in many ways my saviour. 

Later a friend came. We went to Subko - so crazily jam-packed.

Head hurts but it is okay. Life is good. A few bottles of kombucha in the fridge and so much stationery in the house that I won't run out 25 years later. Enough money to get through the day with plenty creature comforts. And that's nice.

Okay. Head really hurts.

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 Friday the thirteenth. We got through. The aircrash was a horrible, scary things. There's a photo doing the rounds on Facebook of a family where the father is clicking a self-portrait of him, wife, and adorable sons and daughter. They were apparently moving to London to start a new life. God bless them - all of them who passed on and their families. Apparently, there is one survivor. 

I heard or read somewhere ages ago that because of climate change, aircrafts will have a tough time staying in the air. They will come crashing down more. 

In all this, just inhaling and exhaling one slim moment at a time gets us through. 

Sometimes I think it was good of the Egyptians to think so deeply of death, to see it as something to prepare for and maybe infuse with decadence. I hope that after I die, in the interim period that I wait in the ether until I find another body, I use my instructional design skills to design my curriculum more systematically than how I have set up this life. 

I am really enjoying working on this technology course at present. It involves engineering and although it is a subject I had never thought I'd take to, it is quite fascinating. I have always been interested in First Principles thinking and would love to learn more of it but also now am exploring things like system logic, qualitative and quantitative reasoning, etc. And designing the curricula for this is especially beautiful. There's a concept in curriculum design called interleaving - where you take the basic framework and intersperse courses strategically with other concepts. This makes your whole course cogent and cohesive. (In higher education - especially US - it is related to the standards crosswalk. Not the same but related.) In the current project, just the potential of what can be covered and the ways in which they can be covered is so lush. You can introduce spatial decision-making with calculations or analytical interpretation with troubleshooting or growth mindset with engine design. Engineering is quite a creative farm. (I think it's more 'farm' than 'field'.) 

Anyway, the book I had ordered 'Attached' arrived today. Maybe will skim through it for a while.

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 Today was a precious day. I lugged my burden to the first hurdle in an obstacle race. Now remains to be seen how it goes.

Let my cook go today. I think it was time. It is a hassle to figure out one more person to come and cook and all that. But enough time has been spent getting hassled over this. I will take it for one month and see how it goes. I think it's a chance for me to finally break free from this resistance to the kitchen. Who knows? Maybe I will become so evolved that I will get over food all together. How liberated would that be?!

But for now ate a yummy bambolini - with creamy custard filling. There's a place called Cremure and this is a delectable find! The bambolini is flecked with powdered sugar and the inside is now oozing with cool custard - the delicate wholesome taste of a happy sunshiney childhood. One of the absolutely decadent luscious treats I have had in a while.

Had a run-in with someone at work. Not altogether unexpected - wasn't a complete run-in. But...a case of mismatched expectations. Will get resolved soon. None of us are shirkers in this equation - so we will work this out.

Although this project is difficult, I am quite enjoying it now. It's really stretching my ID skills. So grateful for that.

Anyway, will wind down now and sleep off or play some Candy Crush or listen to Bekhayali. The nights not yet over and the day's already begun. 

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Today was a very very tiring day. Still made some headway and got a few things done. I don't know why we don't register the exhaustion of reviewers. 

One of the reasons that is overlooked is that some people do not take accountability of the work they create. The starting point is of course a wide skill gap and a foundational baseline that people can't meet. But with focus and directed effort (and feedback based in grounding, etc.), you can still get to some level. But people who just don't take any responsibility for their work just break down a system in many ways. I worked with a piece of human turd once who took the whole day to do an incomplete job and then says that his system does not have Power Point. And what got in the way of his work was his grand delusion that he was right and justified. I think people like that should be blacklisted and not be allowed to work anywhere. They are the reason that rates of burnout can be high. These people remain bad at their job, sabotaging project grade and quality, so they never get to lead teams etc. They get old and experienced because management does not tell them to leave. Or if they are let go, they don't get told the real reason - that not just their performance was bad, their performance will always remain bad if something in their mindset and skill set does not change. 

This is painful and exhausting. And if you happen to review the work of someone like that, you have less time and mental energy to actually focus on someone else and help them develop. Someone who may be less 'smart' today but will be really good in a couple of months because they take responsibility for the work they put out.

Anyway, it's already 3 a.m. Will start work in sometime. This is when it gets exhausting - when you take on the responsibility of someone who didn't pull their weight but felt entitled to be let off. In their personal lives, they will still be those types of parasites who will likely have lots of friends. We live in an age where people have such low self-esteem that if someone is popular you can make out that they must be feeding some gnome-level void in a collective heart. 

Anyway, that's how the world turns. They will be there and we will be here.

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Today was a tough day. Looks like it will be a series of tough ones. I think one way to avoid burnout is to avoid passing it on to someone else. So burn out is prevented by skilling up.

Anyway, things are tight now and it looks as if the requirement for crazy, heavy-duty focus is going to be tight. 

Anyway, what else? Have decided to let go of my cook. It's time. Her priorities have changed whether she knows it or not. In fact she doesn't know it. 

I have been thinking about how much we change when we are sticking on to something. That's when the lack of self-awareness really bogs you down.

A book club is also such a space where do much high-handedness happens. This is what I have been studying in my Vedanta classes - how do you stop the inner rot that parades in the form of self-righteousness? 

Worked out today. Not too much or too hard. But still, it was the best thing to do today. 

I want to start on another endeavour as a personal experiment and see how it goes. I had barely started it yesterday but missed it today. Need to buckle down and do it for a month without missing. That feels good - a goal.

Anyway, will get changed, make chai, and maybe work some more so it will be an easier morning. 

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 It was a l-o-o-o-n-g day with a lot of meetings. This obviously meant that a 20 minute job took 3 hours. I still want to finish a review and have it all ready before the 11 o'clock meeting. There is also a 10 o'clock meeting that I am hoping to get out of. Won't happen. So will get through it.

Tough and tiring days bring their own respite. I went for pani puri with a friend to a guy opposite Kanti apartments on Mount Mary. He is from a village near Varanasi, one of my favourite cities - although I have only been there once. Anyway, we are and I prayed at the Basilica for a friend's pet who is unwell. Then we sat at Bandstand. It was hot yet breezy and open and fresh...some parts of Bandra do feel innocent.

It was a beautiful evening today. In between the panics of deliveries and sudden scary things that crop up on a work day in the service industry, the view outside the window looked like a dream...gauzy, gentle drizzle like the first formulation of a sonnet, swaying treetops, and the flight of parrots. 

Anyway, back to work.

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Not exactly an easy day but several good things happened. Made some strong headway in the editing work. Didn't go to Subko but had good sleep and some nice chats with a few people in the online book club. To avoid mental clutter, I made a couple of swift decisions. I had to explore some option for work but with the editing assignment over the weekends and the volume of other regular work, there isn't time to take on any more. So I said no. That could be a sign of maturity. Because I want to keep some time away for reading and other reflective writing. Now, I am observing some patterns in the type of talent existing in the industry. 

I am getting the sense that while the baseline has dropped considerably - in terms of skill, foundational education, and maybe even attitude, geography could play some part in the scouting and location of talent. Tier 1 cities are near useless. But smaller towns and tier 2 cities at least have people with ambition. There is a sense of kinship with the work that can be nurtured. But location and age aside, the one big thing that makes a difference is whether people read in their free time or not. 

I had suspected this correlation a while ago but I could have been biased. But it is more and more clear now - people who read for pleasure can get aligned with a project expectations quicker. So, of course, all of us instructional designers read. But transactional reading does not give you that same mental limberness as reading for pleasure. Because for pleasure there is an expansiveness of cognitive faculty - you pick up one book because you liked the cover, you picked another book because the story or plot appealed, a third because you were interested to try out a genre - that dipping and sipping of uncertainty with reading is what you need in complex, sticky projects. I would say that is what you need in any project if you are responsible for written communication but one can get by in some types of assignments by only being a transactional reader. For others, you need a certain juice that comes from reading without an agenda.

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In other news, I have been thinking about China. Something about that country inspires deep respect in me.I understand that they are our enemy neighbors but compare to the other enemy neighbor that is a nuisance and a horrid, petty one at that, China at least is a worthy detractor. I was thinking about this huge cultural emblem of beauty and finesse that Japan has - all ikigai and tea ceremony and beauty and wabi-sabi and what not. But it's as if the world has forgotten about the Nanking rape - that ghastly brutal rapes and killings by Japanese soldiers of Chinese people - women, children, and men - in the most foul ways possible. Women's and men's genitals were chopped and cooked and dined on even as they lived. What kind of ugliness and brutality lives within us? And all this and now when book clubs recommend Japanese literature, it's about the trageies of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki variant. Those were brutal too - but it's as if Japan gets to tell its story and show its wound because of who its enemies were. They were taken on by America and if you have America as your enemy, you at least get the media to record and tell your story. But what about the Nanking rapes? Was that documented in pop-culture or fiction or plays or Hollywood movies? I often wonder how did China rise? I don't know too much besides the reel highlights of Mao Tse Tung and the Great Leap Forward and all that - but how did that country which had one whole generation wiped off - how did they rise? India supplied opium to China in the 17th or 18th century I think. And one whole generation got drugged and addicted and useless - one whole generation of a country of that size! How did they get back on track? How are they winning Olympics and setting up education policies like the 2035 education policy that is centered around AI and the human mind's ability to focus. How? In some of the companies I have freelanced with or worked on extended projects on, we can't even follow file naming conventions or checklists? How did that company overcome a nationwide addiction, dismantle ideologies and philosopies to accomodate Buddhism, Confuscionism, Taoism to Abrahamic religions like Islam and Christainity to Communism, etc. It is...immense...I would like to study more about this. 

I did not know how complicit India was in the opium trade. It is very painful to know that we did that to another country - addiction destroys families in ways that generations can't recover from. Better to go and break a house or something. 

But the Nanking rapes - how do we reconcile belonging to a specie that can do that - to its own?

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Anyway, as the line by D.H. Lawrence goes: 'We've got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen.'

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It was an okay day. Actually ended on a tough note. I think it will take a long time for some damage to get undone but let's wait and watch. Had to look at some work. As usual, I spent twice the amount on it as I had expected. It is frustrating and exhausting. But it does look like this is how it will be.

I went to the Kali temple with Papa today. Then went to visit a friend on Palm Beach. There was some sad news and overall today brought with it some pain. That too feels like a tough and tight situation for the foreseeable future. Anyway, this is the way it is. 

I went to a Bank of Baroda ATM today. It is the slowest ATM ever. I feel like going to Subko tomorrow but I generally don't like going out on Sunday morning because it's a huge day on Monday. Also it's 2:30 a.m. and I have not slept yet. Sundays it will get really busy unless I go really early. Maybe I will go to another coffee shop - the Barista on Versova. I need to do some editing work and I want to go somewhere nice to do it. Let's see. Or Vanilla Miel. But the heart is set on Subko.

Okay. Will make some tea and get to some personal work for a bit. Make a to-do list for tomorrow and then maybe see what needs to be done.

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 All I did today was the bare minimum to push some major work off to Monday. Still got one major portion completed and that, at least, was okay. 

Had to review a few things today and I realise that there is a disconnect somewhere. The disconnect is deeper than people not knowing what to do or not understanding what needs to be done. I think people don't see anymore. They don't see to observe and understand. They see only to focus on display, not emergence. And it is not work pressure or lack of time alone. With all the time and all the resources, some gap in professional understanding will remain because intellectually, some synapse is not firing together. I think we are all just tackling scattered minds and juicy pain-points.

Managed to go to the gym today. Not exceptional workout but some order in life is important. It is my friend's daughters birthday today so I wished her Happy Birthday! Had sent her a doll house and a science kit. Science is a juicy, exceptionally beautiful discipline. In fact, the respect and affection it has for the observable world is quite spectacular. My friends daughter is really intelligent. She's only 11 but has demonstrated the mind to grasp and incorporate First Principles thinking so soundly. I think all children have that but she is really sharp. No sparkly nailpolish and stuff for her. She is too talented for that. But I did want her to make a world of her own with the doll house. With the science kit, maybe she makes her own energy pipeline and makes it a self-sustaining unit.

Or she's a child. I wish her deep joy and play. 

I was thinking of ordering a few other things but now am not so sure. There are a lot of books to go through. But heck, it's tempting.

Well, a work day has officially ended. Will roll around for a bit, have a bath, and plan the weekdays. Or watch Vijay Mallaya's interview. He's back apparently. 

As the Chinese curse goes, "May you live in interesting times."

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 Beyond tired and not feeling too good. 

Looks like it will be a long and sick weekend to recover. Or maybe more. Hope not. There's just so much to finish. It is exhausting. Sometimes even I am amazed by the amount of reserve I have used to get through a day. 

Just to make myself feel better, read this children's book 'The Day the Crayons Quit' by Drew Daywalt. It is just so sweet! A little boy Duncan's box of crayons have written letters of protest to him. Blue has complained that he is overused. Pink is upset that it is underused. Yellow and orange are fighting to be nominated as the official colours of the sun. The illustration is so cheeky!

That was uplifting. 

Anyway, back to work. Need to finish up a whole lot now.

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It was an okay day. Some things I erred in. Maybe will make up for it tomorrow if I remember or have the energy for it. Can't commit. 

Went to the gym even though I didn't feel like it. So something good there.

Came to know if a few things today. From an instructional design perspective, this piece was juicy. Am designing an interesting technical interactivity. It's heavy-duty technical with math, calculations, equipment etc. involved. I sketched out a couple of mock-ups. One piece of feedback was that in these types of intensive interactives, the design must be such that it is meaningful even in grayscale. So we cannot count on using red and green or yellow and purple as indicators.

That was a fresh perspective to learn about.

After a long time, went to Mount Mary. That was special. It was around 11 pm and I just got a rick and headed out.  This is what I love about my day to day existence - the life and space to enjoy a certain expansiveness in the moment. 

Okay. Exhausted now. Will end this here.

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 A lot happened today. Made some strong headway in my work. Heard some rough news about a colleague. Prayed for her. I had ordered some earplugs but because I ordered them without my specs, had sent them to some other address. Strange how luck moves.

Got really angry with my cook. Sometimes she behaves very entitled. But it was okay a few minutes later. People who work are easy to forgive.

Today I received some feedback on my work that taught me something - how to think holistically in terms of experience. It is easy to do that for some types of learning that one is used to - like e-learning, in-person training sessions, videos, game-based quizzes, etc. However, it is easy to slip up on when the assets are different - like podcasts, e-zines, newsletters for drip learning, etc. So, such things you need to approach in terms of levels. In the first level, you sketch out the whole solution on paper. In the second level, you look at the operations of that solution - from beginning to end, from middle to beginning and end, from end to beginning, from anywhere to anywhere. This sort of hop, skip, and jump analysis helps to stress test the logic of your design. And the logic of the design is the nook where deep and solid learning experience rest.

But I really am exhausted and tired. So many meetings about the same thing. 

I think everybody should answer s question, "How did I become better today?" as part of their status report. It needn't be something they share with anyone. But something we do and keep for ourselves and then at the end of the week, learn how much we have improved and how much we have stagnated.

Well...this is good. Ordered for charred skewers from Earth Cafe. I love, love, love that place! I think people who shun vegan food miss out on so much fine eats!

Just returned from the gym. Will wash up, have dinner, warm coffee and see if I can get some work done.

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I am so exhausted and exasperated. It's strange and weird how things have come to be. With all the tools, etc., the capacity for human indifference is astounding.

Anyway, no sense in being a tinder-box.

I am so behind in the work now, that I dont know what to do about it. I get the sense in layoffs. I think a big part of burnout is because there is a lot of ineptitude that is being absorbed in the name of wokism and people who actually can do the work are carrying the weight of those who can't. Or don't. Or won't.

I see now a need for industry-wide certification. My field is too diffused. In a nutshell, what would make someone a good instructional designer is many things. But what makes someone competent are maybe 5 things:

1. Ability to chunk and present content.

2. Acumen to align material with lesson objective and learning outcome. (Needless to say, it is important to know the difference between the two. It's the same stage but the spotlight is on different things. For lesson objective, the spotlight is on the material. For learning outcome, the spotlight is on how the material is put to use. It's a crude and basic distinction but something to begin.)

3. Ability to design, create, and test assessments. 

4. Ability to write with some elasticity. For example, you may need to stretch a 5-sentence into an hour long learning or surmise the essence of a 100-hour program into 85 words.

5. Pulse for the narrative of teaching - which means ability to think clear and hard on how to prune material to pick details that teach. Steady, simple, systematic and seamless - what the approach should be. 

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It was a tiring day and I just got home. It was a good day but a tad exasperated because I cannot find the AC remote and it is funny. No matter. Stay calm and get used to the heat: she tells herself.

Met up with a couple of friends from Bangalore at my favourite, Subko Mary Lodge early morning. It was lovely! We had a leisurely breakfast and then headed home. Here we chatted and then my trusted H came and made tea for all of us. She ups her game when she sees people.

Then we strolled in and took in Art and Charlie. It is a small place but charming. Very narrow steps though. A couple of art pieces were very interesting. These pieces had a group of people that looked like they were made of layers of onions. One element in each painting - a drape in one and a carpet in the other - had a real life representation outside the painting too. That was an interesting touch. It gave the feeling of uncovering layers of dimensions such that you see the unison and spill of perception. 

Then we ambled on to Soul Fry and had a good solid lunch there. I had forgotten how good this spot was. After being vegetarian I have not visited this spot so was really happy with how lovely the salted paneer starter was. Enjoyed the white rice and the creamy Goan veg curry. 

Then my friends carried on and I returned home. That afternoon sunshine dappled on the lane, the cool breeze, an open fresh sky and an easy laidback Sunday vibe - I fell in Bandra again. It's just such a beautiful, beautiful place! It's the smile of a child, the hug of a parent, the wand of a magician! 

Then I went to meet another friend at Ghatkopar. When I crossed Kalina, I had this strange lump in my throat. My Mummy's best friends stayed in Mulund and Ghatkopar. My mummy is no more and neither is my Mummy's friend. But the roads remain that take me to another friend's home. Life is so strange.

It was a lovely evening - we chatted about a lot of things, had tea and coffee, watched the building swimming pool turn into an enchanting watering hole. Then returned in an auto. 

And like that, the day ends.

This much is true. That we will always have shade and sunshine. And somedays they will map out our world perfectly. 

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 What a day. Quite strong and heavy in spaces with some eureka-moments through around like confetti!

I had to clean the storage space in my bed today and it was dusty as hell. The cleaning lady, H, and I did it in turns and I'm glad I have kept up the push-up routine. Because otherwise, flipping the mattress would have thrown off my back. We cleaned and because it's an old bed, the hydraulic gear of the bed got jammed. It wouldn't come down no matter what I tried. I have to meet friends tomorrow and I think a few others would be coming over next week. So the bed was important. Having a bed frame that looked like an obtuse angle was quite unsettling. After a few tries, I told H to chuck it. I do have a roll-out sofa that is quite sweet actually. Then there's the other spartan one in the second bedroom. It is actually better for the back. But...the obtuse bed frame is what the heart wants. I asked H to make a second cup of tea for both of us. (She is really good at it - much better than my cook actually.)Then I watched some YouTube videos to locate something that might help me. And sure enough, there was. 

I found a video where a guy explained that we need to press down on the hinge area systematically, jiggle it to loosen the jammed areas, and then, if we add the mattress on top (for added weight), we can get the frame down. I tried it again and it worked.

It got me thinking about the efficacy of a really good technical video. Instructional designers are paid so much to write instructional videos, and honestly, sometimes - many times, it is not deserved at all. This guy was a cook. His explanation, walk-through of the problem, acknowledgment of variations where his solution may not apply- was so beautiful, that it helped me immediately. I understood what he was saying, he addressed the problem directly, any basic explanation he needed to give about nuts and bolts was given in context, and there was flow. Yes, I had strong intrinsic motivation to try it out immediately - but even otherwise, everything was simple, direct, helpful, free of jargon, targeted to a use-case, and relevant. 

I am working on a set of instructional technical videos now and I see how easy it is for the material to get clunky. So this video was very helpful. I think good technical video scripts are written on the basis of the following:

1. An orientation and emphasis of First Principles. It is important for an instructional designer to know what First Principles thinking is. (Understand what parts of the system are absolutely true. How would the components come together if you had to do it all over again. Avoid all fluff and jargon.)

2. Fidelity to the process in reality. So the ID needs to be acutely aware of whether the 3 steps listed are steps 1, 2, and 3 or 1, 2, and 2a. 

3. Provide a walk-through in a systematic fashion - Problem in original form and a couple of its common variations, why it is a problem (in case it is not obvious), steps for solution - main channel and variations, explanation why it is a solution (so you need to show the transformation from problem state to solution state), and tips on how to confirm that the problem has been solved for good or whether it needs follow-up, etc. Of course, several other details could be added. But this could be a robust enough skeleton for keeping the tech video crisp and relevant.

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It was lovely seeing Papa. Sometimes when I see him eating a mango or just sitting and talking on the phone, I think that he is so innocent - not clued into the slimy ways of the world. 

Had gone to the Kali mandir today. There were so many people. Got bhog - halwaa. I love it!

Survived a couple of reckless car rides with Ola drivers. So all in all, good to have survived. 

I reached out to a friend for some advice. I got it. I mulled over it a long while - mainly wrestling in my head that I couldn't do that - what he was asking of me. But - because of the resistance I felt, I think it is worth a good, solid, brave shot. If I fail, I would have failed at something worthy. If I succeed, I would have transformed.