Here are the things that I am grateful for:
1. Papa is well and I spoke to him. He seemed happy.
2. Spoke to a friend who I was worried about but they are well.
3. Water, electricity, food, wifi - it was all good today.
4. Stayed calm today.
5. Managed to finish the handover.
I forgot to post yesterday so here are all the things that I was grateful for yesterday:
1. Papa is well. I did not speak to him yesterday but there was no alarming phone call. So that's fine.
2. Had a big, superb lunch with my cousin. There was pokhalo (cooked rice fermented in water and then mixed with rice, etc.) It comes with a lot of accompaniments like crisps, saag, and karela bharta.
3. Had a nice, nourishing nap after the meal.
4. Came home by bus.
5. Shopped at Linking Road and gosh - the stuff i got! Awesome!
Forgot to write yesterday. Here are all the things that I am grateful for:
1. Papa is well.
2. I painted something yesterday.
3. Went for a nice long walk.
4. Had a good breakfast with my friend at Jamjar, Yari Road.
5. Cook had made really tasty daal yesterday.
Wow, I forgot to enter details for day 37. I don't think I remember a whole lot but maybe I will just list the usual suspects:
1. Papa was well
2. Had the basics.
3. The help came.
4. Finished some work.
5. There was ice in the fridge.
Here are the things that I am grateful for:
1. Papa is well.
2. Cook made really nice chutney today.
3. Had a friend over and we went to Ritual. It is an expensive place I realise.
4. Finished a few things for work.
5. Made plans to meet a friend tomorrow.
Here are all the things I was grateful for yesterday:
1. Papa is well. Spoke to him and it was good.
2. Watched Crew with some friends. It was good fun.
3. Cook had made very tasty upma yesterday.
4. Got home safe.
5. Water in the taps, the AC was working well, etc.
It was a nice, relaxing day.
Sometimes there is just a compulsive urge to type. I wonder if I am confronted with pain and weirdness. Need coffee but am also sleepy.
The AC is on and it makes a strange whirring sound. Things can just soothe down.
Here are all the things that I am grateful for:
1. Papa is well. Spoke to him today.
2. Got the AC cleaned. The living room is practically Arctic now.
3. Got my eyebrows done at Geetanjali. They are pricey but such lovely service. They give you a small, satin pillow to lean against, the lighting is mellow, people say "Hello" in plush, quiet tones. And it is one of the few places where they wax your brows instead of threading them. So it's cleaner, quicker and less painful. I think it was worth every penny because imagine the skill you need to have to bring such hot wax close to your eyelids. I'm looking pretty good now.
4. Had a good chat.
5. Someone gave me a call and said that they were from DHL. They also said that the Customs department was after me because I had sent something illegal to China. For a moment I was flummoxed. But soon I asked them about the mode of payment etc. and they hung up. It was a hoax call. Got saved but I should be careful.
6. Got superb sweet lassi from Shalimar. Really enjoyed it!
7. Got through the day keeping my calm without smoking, doing pot, drinking, taking pills, or indulging in a vice. Really grateful for the strength that enables me to do that.
8. Water in the taps, food in the kitchen, roof over head, and working wifi.
It is 5:21 a.m. I can hear birds chirping. I wonder if I stayed silent, I would hear flowers blooming or my Tulsi plant growing.
An hour ago I had a slightly scary memory of a horror film I had seen ages ago. It was La Jolla or something like that...of a spirit who cried in her wedding dress and took over children. Or if I remember correctly, she would possess the mother who would kill her own babies.
Life is gentle and sweet. Sleep is gentle and sweet. Death must also be gentle and sweet.
I might be meeting someone else today...a friend who told me of one of her travels in the flight. She saw a young girl waiting to settle into her seat, buckle up, and get back to the book she was reading.
I want to do that as well. From May onwards.
Let's see. It was a sweet, nice day. Here are the few things I am grateful for:
1. Papa is well. Spoke to him today.
2. He bought a new fridge and that's working well. (I realise it is new but one cannot really take this for granted.)
3. Went for dinner to a friend's home. It was really nice. She gave me some excellent coffee after dinner.
4. Reached home safe.
5. I felt good and peaceful after reciting the Hanuman Chalisa this morning.
6. I liked my outfits today. Had worn an orange tee with shoulder pads and a cobalt blue skirt in the morning. In the evening, I changed into a thin cotton blue top with a cowl neck.
7. A morning meeting got cancelled.
8. Quite liked a couple of storyboards I did today.
Things I am grateful for:
1. Papa is well.
2, Had a lovely matcha latte at Mokai.
3. Enjoyed the veggie burger, mashed potatoes, and iced Diet Coke at Gondola's.
4. There was water in the taps.
5. The electricity outage did not disrupt too much.
6. Some plans may be brewing with a friend.
These are the things that I am grateful for today:
1. Survived the day.
2. Papa is well.
3. My cousin had made me some besan curry. It was very tasty. Had it with khichdi.
4. She also gifted me this book - Mind Full to Mindful by Om Swami. Started reading it. It's gentle and soothing - exactly the kind of reading I would like.
5. Found some sketch pens and squiggled on a single chopstick. For some reason, it is exactly the kind of release I needed.
There was a lot that happened yesterday so could not post. Here are a few things that I am grateful for:
1. Despite a non-working fridge, the dinner went off well.
2. Food was good.
3. Slept well.
4. Everyone I invited, came.
5. House was tidy.
Tiring and emotionally exhausting day.
Things I am grateful for:
1. A friend called and I spoke with her daughter. She lives in a different city and as I was explaining my room to the little girl, I happened to see a moon outside my house. I asked her to look at the moon too. It was magical - that we were in such different cities and we were looking up at the same thing.
2. Another friend just called me up and we had a good laugh.
3. I finally came to know that the AC bus from Bandra to Belapur has been cancelled.
4. While waiting for the bus, met a woman who is a cook. She gave me her number. Will come in handy some day.
5.Reached home late by cab but safe. Sweet cab guy.
These are the things I am grateful for:
1. Papa is well and I spoke to him today.
2. Went to Veronica's and had their 'Not Rachel's Trifle Cake'. Yummy!
3. Had a good chat with a friend.
4. A book on 64 Yoginis arrived.
5. A neighbour came over to borrow books.
6. Have water in the taps and food on the plate.
7. I have a home to return to.
8. Another friend called in the morning but I could not talk to her.
Something big is coming. I feel it.
Survived the day. So here are the few things I am grateful for:
1. Papa is well. He started reading a Bengali book I had got for him.
2. I made myself a good cup of tea.
3. An sent me gulab jamun, nolen sandesh, and watermelon and feta cheese salad.
4. Spoke to another friend who was a little worried that her cats had not returned. They finally did. She was happy.
5. Spoke to another friend. Made her little girl laugh.
Edited to add:
Read about 'Knife', Salman Rushdie"s latest to be published.
Oh man, it IS hot! My insomnia has gotten more acute because I want to hold on to the coolness of the night more. But the green of my money plants and the Tulsi leaves are deeper and stronger. It's amazing just what all the sun can draw out. It's lovely.
Today was a difficult day. Not feeling good about how it went down. But I made a promise to myself today - that no matter how angry I feel, etc., I will let myself off the hook. Even if I have blood on my hands, in my head and heart, I will do away with the guilt. But self-forgiveness is not easy. Especially if you are not doping or drinking yourself to stupor or hooking up randomly to repress your emotions.
Anyway, here are a few things I am grateful for:
1. Papa is okay - not too well. But I spoke to him.
2. Managed to get the two refrigerators repaired in Vashi. Unexpected expenses but grateful that I had the funds to take care of them.
3. Water in the taps, food on plate, and roof over my head.
4. Had a really nice double-scoop of ice-cream in a waffle cone at Snowbite. I had coffee walnut and malai. (I quite like Snowbite. The ice-creams are large and value for money. In the evenings, you see large families with children. The scoops are not as tasty as Naturals. But Naturals now uses tablespoons of ice-cream and not even a full scoop. It's also quite expensive. So Snowbite is a worthy alternative.)
5. My heart was not in going to Mount Mary. But I went. Once there, it was nice. That's a rick ride I enjoy - especially around Mehboob studio.
6. Made myself some coffee earlier today and man! Was it good!
7. I had misplaced by expensive perfume from Oud Arabia. Found it. Sprayed it bountifully before stepping out. It feels so lovely!
Here are all the things that I am grateful for today:
1. Papa is well and I went to meet him.
2. Managed to catch a late night bus to Bandra station from Vashi. The late night ride was luscious! Just zipping across Mankhurd and then skimming by Lucky junction at night was so soothing! At Sion, a group of kids and men and women got in, laughing and cheering! That was fun. I think they were returning from a wedding. The lady was wearing a bouquet of orchids in her hair studded with pearls. It looked so fresh and festive in a bus
3. Got an auto from Bandra station past midnight. I think the auto guy just took pity on me.
4. Grateful that I had enough money to take a cab if I wanted. Also grateful that when I reached Bandra, I had enough cash to take a rick home. I remember that earlier when I would travel from work, this is exactly what I used to be grateful for - that I could afford to ease up for one part of my journey. But a lot of people who got off the bus had to wait for another bus or a share rickshaw to get home.
5. Had a nice, cold bath.
6. Bedroom is nice and cool with the AC.
7. Had a nice chat with a colleague.
8. Had tasty potol fry in Vashi.
9. There was water in the taps and electricity in the house.
10. Had a yummy coffee and Kouign Amann from the bakery downstairs.
11. I have a home to return to.
A juicy day indeed. Here's what I am grateful for:
1. Papa is well and happy. Met him today.
2. Traveled to Belapur from Bandra by bus. It cost only 20 bucks. Took a bus from Belapur to Bashi. It was 10 bucks. That made me feel so good.
3. There was no traffic on the way so I reached Belapur. Had a cup of excellent tea at Hotel Vishwanand or something near the Belapur depot.
4. There was cute little toddler watching me very keenly as I sipped my tea.
5. While coming, the lights on Worli sea-link light up in the image of Dr. Ambedkar. It was so lovely!
6. On the way back, I took an Ola rick from Vashi to Bandra. Rick guy was quite nice. He told me of the metro and how he likes traveling in it.
7. Had a great breakfast with my friend. It was lovely chatting with her.
These are all the things that I am grateful for today:
1. Papa is well and I spoke to him today.
2. Had enough money to do what I wanted to do today, including have a yummy plate of pani puri at Khar.
3. It was lovely at Versova beach. Breezy and plush cool.
4. A friend gave me two gifts. That was a nice surprise!
5. The sweet potato fries at The Leaping Window were tasty.
6. Reached home safe!
Here are the things that I am grateful for today:
1. Papa is well. I did not talk to him today but no panic phone calls. So that is good.
2. There was a luscious, cool breeze today. It was late evening when I stepped out (around 10 p.m.) and the breeze felt like a light, sweet summer souffle.
3. Got through a workday one way or another.
4. Cook had made a very tasty palak dish.
5. There was water in the taps, food on the plate, and money for the basics.
6. Saw a beautiful crystal rosary near Mount Mary - it was a pink and purple crystal rosary. It was very pretty.
7. Saw an ebony black cat sitting royally in the middle of the road. I don't like cats but this one was a picture of empress-dom.
Today was a good day. These are all the things that I am grateful for:
1. Papa is well. Met him for brunch. It was good fun. He told me some stories of his college days and it got me thinking about a few things. These thoughts are still percolating, so I will probably write about these later.
2. Met a friend at TruFit cafe near Hill Road. It was lovely. We had a beautiful cinnamon cappuccino with almond milk. It was a smoky, silken delight! Gorgeous!
3. I went to the Sukho Thai spa in Versova and got an upper body massage. I cannot explain the degree of bliss I felt! If I ever want money, it is to have that kind of massage every day! There was a part in the massage where the lady places a small satin cushion on my chest and slowly pushes it. It was so nourishing! Women never realise how much tension and tightness breasts carry. And the only time they are squeezed is assault or sex. But I had read somewhere that according to Chinese healing traditions, breasts are considered to be inverted hearts. So the more gently they are massaged, the more pain your heart releases and the more open it gets. It was a lovely session.
4. Spoke to another friend after very long.
5. Reached home safe.
6. Have money for these luxuries and cab fares. There's a lovely home to return to. There's water in the taps and electricity and food in the fridge.
These are the things that I am grateful for today:
1. Papa is well and I spoke to him today.
2. A certain event progressed.
3. Had food on the table.
4. There was water in the taps.
5. Had a nice walk up Pali Hill.
These are the things I am grateful for today:
1. Papa is well and I spoke to him today.
2. Got through the work day without any blow-ups. It was actually a pleasant day.
3. Went to An's place for her husband's birthday party. It was good fun with people playing the piano and all!
4. Wore a brown ombre dress from Zara. Felt nice in that.
5. The road to Malad was surprisingly empty!
6. I had my cook made lauki koftas for the party. They were so, so tasty! Everyone loved them! She is good!
7. Cab ride home was good. The driver was rash but I reached safe.
8. There was food in the fridge, roof over my head, water in the taps, and a clean bed to lie on.
9. I still have my memory.
10. There was electricity today.
It is important to be safe. To know that your gut is always on your side. To know that history does repeat itself, and sometimes it is not even subtle. To know that you see the shades and degrees of cowardice in men who raise their hand and play it off as a drunk escapade or a joke. To know that if someone cannot even face a day sober without drinking, smoking, or getting stoned, he will never have the balls to do much else. To know that, with people, safety gets compromised when respect does. And when that happens, important to write off an equation as a bad debt. And move on. Without extending the courtesy of a goodbye.
Things I am grateful for:
1. Papa is well. I spoke to him and he sounded cheery.
2. Got my periods on time. Big relief.
3. Had curd rice.
4. Managed to get through the day without crisis.
5. Came to know that LSD 2 is releasing. I had LOVED part 1.
I am really tired now but here are the highlights of what I am grateful for:
1. Papa is well.
2. Attended the Red Lorry Festival in BKC Jio Drive and the Cultural Centre. Oh! It was a fabulous fabulous experience! The INOX in the Cultural Centre is #tunning!
3. Wore a cotton saree today. It felt so cool and nice.
4. Although I was returning around 1:30 am, got ricks easily. The Lucky signal at that time of the night was just the right amount of happy crowded, what with Ramzaan and upcoming Eid preparations.
5. Tiffany has opened in the Cultural Centre. Also Pottery Barn etc.
6. I spent an afternoon waiting for M in a park in the Parsi Colony. It is such a serene, beautiful spot!
7. Watched some really nice movies and brilliant performances! It was such a gorgeous experience. Amal, Hesitation Wound, The Chapel, and Perfect Days will always be special!
8. Had a great salad at Nonna's.
9. Have health.
10. There's money in the bank.
Things I am grateful for:
1. Papa is well. Very well and happy in Vashi. I now see why he does not want to come to Bandra.
2. Ate such tasty Bengali food! We have a Bengali cook who is sweet and temperamental. But she cooks really well.
3. Call with a client went reasonably well.
4. Got through the day.
5. Had a nice cab ride from Bandra to Vashi. Yes, Lucky signal was the hell hole as always. But I passed via Bandra station and it's lit up so bright and beautiful!
6. Spending the night in my Mummy's room. Today woke up feeling sad but the mood seems to have shifted now.
It's my birthday today and it was a magical, surreal, beautiful, sad, and sweet day. Here are the things I am grateful for today:
1. Papa is well and he came over today. I spoke to him on the phone last night and did not hear from him this morning. So I thought that I would not meet him today. But he came. It's the sweetest face in the world.
2. V and An came with flowers. They are so gorgeous! I love them! They are on my study table and my desk looks like a fabulous, fabulous garden!
3. Papa brought me a plant with red red leaves! It gives the sort of vibes that it grew on the moons of Jupiter.
4. An also got me a stunning purse and a vanilla candle!
5. My leave for today had not been approved. So I started work slightly glum. It was nice to get wishes from a few colleagues but I wanted to sleep in, etc. But my boss approved my leave later so I had the rest of the day to myself. That was a yay moment.
6. An and I were having a coffee in the tony little bakery below my building. First a beggar lady came with a little girl, stood outside the door of the cafe and gestured for alms. I had already bought some stuff for my friend's daughters. And it's hard not to see them in another child. So I went out and gave her some money. The little girl was too cute. I stroked her tiny cheeks and she smiled.
An and I continued to talk. Then I saw another beggar lady approach this shop from across the road. She had no hands. Her feet were twisted. Her hip was broken so she walked lopsided. She was wearing a loose black kurta and black salwar. Her eyes were wide and shone with a dark storm. Her hair was dusty and matted. She pulled herself up the steps, used her stumps to open the door, and demand money. I was mesmerized. She stood there, inside the bakery and demanded money. The staff tried to ask her to leave but she didn't. Finally she left when she felt that WE were not worthy enough of her time. I wish I could have given her something. But I was rooted in awe. I didn't have change but the truth is...I didn't have courage. To face up to a force like that. After An left, I tried looking for her on the road but could not find her. Later, on the way to Matunga, I saw an old man who resembled her, also with no limbs. I gave him money, hoping it reached her. (I cannot get that woman out of my head. There was such truth about her. She had this aura that people in the bakery were afraid to touch her. It was fear. It wasn't the squeamishness of handling someone unwashed. It was fear. That even without hands, without physicality, etc. she could protect her boundaries better than any of us.
My father had once told me about an incident that occurred during the Bengal famine. People had started losing their lives on account of the food shortage. Of course the food shortage was only for the poor people. Meanwhile elaborate tea parties were being held in The Park hotel. People stormed to the gates of The Park but did not enter. Why? Because they were angry but still deeply conditioned to know their place. In the end, they all died. This woman at the bakery seemed like the kind of soul that was born to break that cycle. Truly. Salute.)
7. I woke up this morning with a plan to meet P in Matunga. But I was getting this odd heaviness in the heart area, strange closeness in the chest, etc. It happens when I eat too much or work out too little. And both of these conditions have been satisfied now. So I cancelled. Deep down I had wanted to meet P because she has such a fine, fine lens to view the world. And if one has to explore Mumbai, she's the person to go with. But as it turns out, she got free in the evening. Coincidentally she was in Matunga. So we had a scrumptious meal at Cafe Madras. I had pesaruttu and podi idli. P had paper dosa. We both had this lip-smacking ginger and lemon drink. Then I walked around for a bit and returned.
8. I was telling P that I feel a tiny sadness, like leaving one rented house to go to another one. It's like every age is like a rented space for your soul. You inhabit it and then on your birthday, your lease gets over. Then you move on to the next house. Who knows how the indoor plumbing will be? What will the neighborhood be like? But however it is, we must live there and call it home. P liked this analogy and told me to write it down. She sounded stern like a teacher giving me homework. But I did it, like a good student.
9. Ay had called and I also spoke to her two bright, precious daughters. They are so lovely! The elder one is so kind and thoughtful. We spoke at length on how I would take her around to different places if they all come to Mumbai. Gosh! I miss them and I hope I see them soon.
10. My aunt and cousin had called and I had a great time talking to them. My cousin and I were whingeing about how banks are making it increasingly difficult to withdraw money. He said that soon they would require a DNA test! That was funny!
One more year older. One more step closer to making eye-contact with eternity. Nothing to say other than thank you. For Life that gave much. For Death that stayed in the shadows for now.
I am grateful for the following:
1. Papa is well.
2. I survived the day without a meltdown.
3. The entrance to the Basilica was closing up but the man allowed me to quickly go up and keep my card.
4. I spoke to V without having a fight.
5. Today there is money in the bank.
Here are a few things I am grateful for today:
1. Papa is well.
2. Went to A's place to check on her because she was unwell. But we planned the children's birthdays instead and I had pizza. That was lovely!
3. I thought of taking her some attars as well. The Ajmal store on Linking Road is a happy place. Yes, the attendants are mostly young men who would rather be chilling in a cave than be selling stuff (which is the attitude of all salespeople in the shops in Linking Road now). But the cloud of scents is awesome. A customer tried out a scent called Raindrops and I immediate wanted to befriend her and tell her that my birthday is coming up.
4. I wore a fluffy snow white cotton dress from Zara. So comfortable!
5. Came across this poem and I think it's just lovely:
Before the Big Bang
there was no up
there was no down
there was no side to side
there was no light
there was no dark
nor shape of any kind
there were no stars or planet Mars
or protons to collide
there was no up
there was no down
there was no side to side
and furthermore to underscore this total lacking state
there was no here
there was no there
because there was no space
and in this endless void which can’t be thought of as a place
there was no time
and so no passing minutes, hours, days
of all the paradoxes
that belabour common sense
I think this one’s the greatest
this time before events
because how did we go from nothing
to infinitely dense?
from immeasurably small
to inconceivably immense?
but before we get unmoored from the question at the start
let’s take a breath and marvel
at when math becomes an art
because we don’t have to understand it
to know there was a time
when there was no up
there was no down
there was no side to side
~ Reina del Cid
