That kind of a day, that kind of a thought

 It was Eid and Ekadashi today. Thus far, I have managed to keep the fast for Ekadashi. But we still have 2 hours to go so...let's see.

I had this urge to go to a temple. There is a small one near my house. Today it was filled with people singing keertans. So I went to the  Iskcon. I like the temple. It's so big and bustling. It's organised and musical. 

But today was very crowded. Usually I go to temples and do a quick pranaam without offering flowers or fruits. But I felt like buying a thali. I got one with some fruits, tulsi leaves and a single marigold flower that lay there like a fully energized petaled sun. There was a long queue and I was already feeling stressed in the pit of my stomach. But the line kept moving and just like that, I had my darshan and I got done. 

I came out and thought of getting a flower for the pooja room in my home. I bought a lotus. The florist fluffed out the petals and it looked like a sweet little bird. 

I caught an auto back and as is my nature, I thought.

The trip to Iskcon was an impulse...a strong, deep tug in my stomach. But the road had a few unpleasant skirmishes - the auto-fellow whose meter was galloping away. When I confronted him about it, he got defensive and started arguing. The security lady at the temple shoved me a little bit. Inside, another lady was flapping her elbows to twist her way ahead of the queue, and the florist overcharged me for the lotus saying that it was a special day. 

Earlier I would have thought that religion or these kinds of rituals make people dishonest and bad. But the fact that all that happened, yet I had my darshan properly and returned home without getting wet...that says something. There is a man, a tantric called Rajarshi Nandy, who says that the purpose of all the rituals etc. is not for the gods or goddesses. They will be perfectly fine without it. They are for the person who has to live out his or her life here, being constantly distorted with the corruption of daily living. 

I saw that today. This trip, I thought, was like my life. There seem to be many things and people in the path who really do put me off my larger goal. The path itself is too crowded and the goal feels unwieldy. But I expect that someday, for a short while, the crowds will thin and I will grasp my goal like dandelion fluff in my palms.

It will be a simple, sweet miracle that I will forget about the next second. 

And that will be a life lived the way it should be. 

One more day

 Today began with so much tumult. But I managed to finish one set of work, have a couple of strong work-related calls, and a lot of other things that induced panic. But I had a massage and spoke to my father.

Some days, talking to Dad is the most special thing that happens.

I have started reading another article and it seems interesting. It's on the nature of persuasion. Have not been able to find the book on Shiva Sutras now. That was quite mind-bending. But I am trying to explore this process of detaching yourself from your body first and mind second.

I had a scary dream in the afternoon/ early evening. In the dream, I was talking to a friend. I was telling her that I wanted to go to the base of the Worli sea link but people discouraged me. My friend repliesd that she had wanted to go there too. But people, especially her father, said not to go because a lot of tigers were killed there. He held her back physically and said,"Kabhi nahin bhoolti." (She never forgets.) I think he was referring to the sea.

The sea stands for emotions, sub-conscious, and I think the mother. I think maybe my friend (or me, projecting) wanted to get closer to my mother's pain. And a father figure held us back. Tigers in dreams could stand for problems. In Hindu mythology, they are interpreted as standing for ego. My friend had recently been to a safari and had spotted tigers. 

The sea link stands for connection, actually a fast connection between the older part of a city to the newer part of a city. That could be that maybe the link between the mother's past pain and the chaos of today have a connection. 

And it's twilight. It's dark. 

I think it's Ma Kali saying hello. 

A nice walk and for the next 140 days...

 Had a really nice walk today. I woke up a little upset because the cleaning lady had taken an off today. It is getting very irritating now. But I must be patient. 

Then I read an article in the Harvard Business Review compendium (the HBR'S Ten Best Must Read books). It was called 'Telling Tales' by Stephen Denning. The article had an interesting reference to an 'International Storytelling Center" in Tennessee. I just looked it up. It seems like a really nice place- an NGO dediicated to improving the world through stories. (Link: https://www.storytellingcenter.net/)

Should research it some more.

In this article, there was a segment called 'The Story Catalog'. It was so cogently written. This is the thing with good writing - the work shows and also does not show. It's like looking into a goodlooking face - it may be without make-up except for that slight dewy tint that looks loke your face emerged like a pearl from an oyster. But it has good features and eyes that will not let you turn away. 

Anyway I started with reading that and then I finished one article because over the weekend I have a lot of other stuff to do. As in - other work. I thought that I am working really hard so I bought an expensive kaftaan dress from Nicobar. 

The walk was scrumptious. Just a good breeze. But it really must rain now. This teasing has gone on long enough.

Sleepy now. 

Awake for a while

 There's a lot to finish but I started my day early. Really early. I am getting a little tired of the cleaning lady who comes to my house. There's something about her that's innately unpleasant. But jobs are important. I should suck it up until things reach a point of no return.

Really sleepy now. 

One more day

 Today was a little scary. Some guy pretending to be from the gas agency entered the house and poked around the house, etc. I should not have allowed him in but the day began on a high stress note anyway. So I was distracted. I really ought to be more careful.

It's getting really hot and I wish it rains now. Like right now. 

I have to finish a few more things. But I am so tired now. Maybe tomorrow.

 

What's been up...

 I just finished some work and informed the client that I may need more time. Before I retire for the day, I decided to restart the blog. A lot of things have been on my mind lately. Most of them are about religion. Rather my religion. Actually not so much my religion but the narrative around it. I have recently come across this author, J Sai Deepak, a copyright lawyer tackling IPR. He practices in the Supreme Court. He has written a trilogy about the Indic civilization's decline through invasion, proselytization, and subsequent usurping of collective pain by an alien paradigm of secularism. I got the last book of the trilogy, "India, Bharat, and Pakistan - the constitutional journey of a sandwiched civilization." The book traces the constitutional founding of the two nations and how that has marginalized Hindus. I have not started reading the book, but I got it because I think it's time for me to read and tackle complex text.

Managing an onslaught of work and some home repairs has been challenging at home. But yesterday I went to visit a friend. She took me to a spot where she walks her dog, and I saw many flamingoes. It was such a postcard of avian magic. Their silhouettes are gorgeous, and their shades are like poetry mixed with cool rose water. I had a great time. 

I have eaten a lot now. I mean, I eat a lot every day now. But it's okay. I am thinking a lot. There's a lot to process. The other day I had gone to another friend's house for dinner. It was her twin's birthday, and that was fun too. But lately, I find myself getting uncomfortable in places where non-veg is cooked. After the flamingo spotting, my friend and I went to a restaurant called Gracias Granny in Nerul. Very charming eatery and tasty Mexican food. But I felt a little uncomfortable after that too.

I may need to record my outings more closely to check if the cooking of the non-veg food is making me uncomfortable or not.

Anyway, this is it for now.

Hope to be more regular here.