Chiffonesque

 What the title says...

 I am a bad patient. I don't fall sick often but when I do, i imagine it to be excruciatingly terminal. I have fever now and when i first went down, i spent a day with my father. It was so nice and comforting but the body ache was/ is killer. Can you imagine eyeballs hurting? They are.  My throat feels like there is a slab of rough granite lodged in there.  But i just had to get back to Bandra. I understand now why my father wouldn't leave Vashi when he himself was down with fever a few weeks ago. In a weird way the house takes care of you. And there are spaces where one is more comforted than others. Fever and all that notwithstanding, being here just soothes me. It feels as if i have put my head in my mom's lap.

 Today was a good day. Finished some stuff on time and learned a little more about human behavior. That human being me. And of course the way I learned about that is through a client's response to an email. Sometimes it is strange how much of a person's behavior mirrors one's own unpleasant side.  With that great little lesson under my belt, I decided to head to Vashi. It was a gorgeous night. It snowed and it was ever so gentle. I had worn my new pink, fleece-lined boots that looked quite funky. But it made waiting for the cab really fun. I was standing on Linking Road outside the Champagne Bar. Little specs of snowflakes floated down like tiny ballerinas gliding to plaintive piano music. The snow gently started dusting the neem and peepal trees. Shop windows started frosting slowly. It was all so very soft. My cab pulled up and I got in. It's nice that cabs are serving liquor now. I helped myself to some peach schnapps from the mini-bar, settled to watch a Dulquer Sal

 I woke up early to finish something. Finished it. Then still shitstorm. Anxiety. Rise of temper. Pain.  Looked around.  There's no other life. This is it.

Am torn between writing about the two things that pissed me off. And also writing about what sweetened my day. Deep breaths. Hot tea on the table. A large storyboard to finish. So will pick the sweet thing. Met up with my aunt. We went to Greenr, which is fast becoming a happy cafe for me. Had a couple of vegan options. Had a glass of lavender kombucha at home.  It felt good. Real good. A lot of things seem to be up in the air now.  So if I have to conserve energy, its the sweet spot I must focus on.

 Looking for a flatmate for a few months, until end of April to be precise.  Must be a non-smoker and okay with not having a TV. Must also not be an arsehole but if you are self-aware enough to know that you are one, then I suppose we can make it work. Building's a no-pet zone. But if you have fish, I guess, it's okay. (I will need to check though.) Most importantly this is for a really short while, from now until April end only. I stay in Bandra West overlooking treetops that shiver in the wind and clutch on to stars, flowers, and birds. If you need more details, please write to me at mukta.raut@gmail.com. 

This year my posts are going to be targeted towards something specific. My writings will fall in one of these three categories: 1. What I learned today  2. What I remembered today 3. What I wish I would have said Nowadays whenever a month begins, I get the feeling that someone in my family will die by the time the month is over. This makes me nervous but not as much as usual. I mean there's not much I can do about it. Unless I die. Then I will not need to do anything. (Am guessing.) I just burned something in the kitchen.  Anyway the point of this post is that I will write something in the aforementioned three categories. The readership has grown quite a lot. This is neither the reason for the new direction nor the outcome of the old one.  I just needed an anchor today. 

 Have come back to Bandra with a heavy heart. It's not easy leaving Papa there. I am working on a simple but complex project now. There's a lot to do in that one. Some portion I completed. Much remains. But no matter. Will take it up tomorrow. Had to fill out a timesheet for work. It always feels strange to do this. It feels as if one is taking a large block of infinity and fitting it all into neat little Excel cells. Makes me an odd type of Gulliver. I had a fitful nap. I woke up to feeling something warm and salty in my mouth. Turned out my gums were bleeding. My heart feels really heavy today. I had read this in a Louise Hay's book a long time ago that bleeding gums indicate a sense of joy oozing away from life. I suppose I should be mindful of penciling in little notches of joy in my days. Anyway, will be collaborating with a friend or at least chatting with her in a while. But for now, it's all good. 

 A new year has begun. I went on a short trip with M and her pet to a cave where Pandavas are rumored to have lived. We came to a clearing at the cave where there was a lovely, cold pond. We'd gone in the afternoon, so we were properly hot and dusty. We just swum around and floated on our backs, looking up at the open sky rimmed with treetops and cliff edges and lush leaves. Then we sunned ourselves on rocks and had juice and sandwiches. Then splashed around some more, lounged around some more, and headed back. It was perhaps the plunging into peace that I really needed to get into the year because... ...my phone broke into several pieces. I got a new one and the SIM card isn't working. So I have to get that sorted out and I really have to get going on a couple of projects. So taking time out to go hang around at a mobile shop is not what I had in mind. But just as peace this morning came to me unbeckoned, so did chaos.  My intention for this year (and the rest of this life) is