Nowhere to go... that's the thing to remember...

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 That there's nowhere to go.

Dad left today with the cook and I am feeling a little relieved. He will be taken care of for a bit. Which leaves me to...

I have a very dark, sinking feeling in my heart. I feel that something drastic will happen. I'll refrain from calling it 'bad' because, really, labels like good and bad don't make sense since we don't really know what is good and bad for us. But it does feel heavy. In fact, it felt so heavy in the afternoon that I slept clutching my stomach. I felt a dark knot in my tummy. A strange, hidden fear that was waking up.

J called today. That's always such a cheery thing. V came over. That's a lot of fun too. The feeling didn't pass though. Tried to make a few plans with them. But my heart is feeling choked now. 

Maybe it knows something the rest of me is not ready to see. I think I will close out for the day and close my eyes for a while. 

Nothing is going anywhere - me or whatever is inside of me. May as well get to know each other. 

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