Strange

 Last night we may have had a fire in one of the distant buildings in the neighborhood. Can't say for sure. I was feeling nauseous so I slept fitfully. Nervousness seemed to be balled up like a solid nugget inside my stomach. 

I had a dream. I felt very creeped out. Felt that someone was outside my window looking in. I woke up sweating pretty heavily. There wasn't anyone outside...well, obviously, since I live on the 8th floor. But I sensed being watched. As if someone with binoculars was peering. I also sensed that the person who was peering in was no stranger. We had met before. And he had done that before.

And then I turned towards my bedroom door where I felt something else. There was fire. My room was on fire. I opened the window, climbed onto the ledge and jumped down. 

Then I woke up. I thought I was screaming. But I wasn't. It's as if the solid nugget of nervousness was responsible fory silence.

Woke up. Made tea and put out brekker for the cleaning lady. She askede where my cook from Orissa was. I told her I had sent her to Vashi. Then she laughed and said, "So you are all alone here." I laughed and said, "Yes!" Felt good to laugh off the nervousness.

Worked a little bit. 

Felt nauseous. Slept. J called. She sent me a link of a YouTube video. We talked about that for a while. Felt dizzy again. Slept.

Woke up. For some reason, I remembered that I had to get garbage bags. So walked down Linking Road. Almost got run over by car. Got two earrings. Looked at cotton shirts. They are beautiful...that collection. But I knew that I was trying to get away from this nervousness in the pit of my stomach. Didn't help. 

Came home with garbage bags and a Diet Coke. Put it in the fridge to chill. Started feeling very sick and suffocated. Felt like weeping or punching something. Didn't. Saw the full moon.

Went out.

Walked to Bandstand.

As I stepped on the promenade, it hit me...why I preferred Carter Road to Bandstand. I was being followed. And from past experience, I know that Bandstand can be dicey. 

But I was feeling too sick to care or confront. I walked. He walked behind me. I stopped and sat to have the little cup of coffee. He sat on the ledge behind me. I picked up a ball to give it to a child. He hung back. I stopped at the amphitheatre setup there. He waited. 

Then I finished my walk. I didn't rush. Couldn't really. Was feeling too dizzy. Then tried hailing an auto. No luck. So I crossed the road and started walking. He did the same.

Then I stopped suddenly and turned and looked at him. He continued to walk past me, not looking. Then he walked in the front and stood outside a cigarette shop. He turned and looked back. He was tall, thin, wore a green cap, wore a kerchief around his face like a mask, and had a backpack. 

I hailed an auto and came home.

It has been a while since I feel I am being watched. Or followed. And now, if all this nervousness, bad dreams, and nausea in my body is any indication, this is not random. 

Walked up 8 floors to my flat... something I do everyday. Was wondering if I should go to Vashi. I would get a good night's sleep there. But no. Decided to stay.

Went to the bathroom. Threw up. 

That's when I noticed.

The blood on my dress.