Chiffonesque

A heavy-set night with sleep bloated with sad thoughts They squelch in the mind softly Each set of them chosen in weird lots Somewhere the heavy sleep thins away And trickles down the cheek and chin Tears, they call it - manifestations of tristesse, Known to bring out the dirt and hurt within A sponge-like darkness outside Absorbs and holds on strongly to this diluted pain Holds on, even, with a sort of terrifying might And that's how tears, instead of dreams, come to us in a heavy-set night

I just sent off a final batch of articles I had to finish by today. Not too much time left - a couple of hours to wash up, withdraw cash, pack a few things and go to CST to catch the train to Goa. I was wondering if I should also maybe start work on a couple of things, but my Tata Photon has slowed down considerably. Everything, but everything, just gets into the Goa mood. So, yay!

A lot has been happening. Wild luscious capriciousness of life and friendships. I have just returned from a real quick trip to Goa and am going on another real quick trip to Goa tomorrow again. Work is piling up but  I can only think of getting hold of a chalice to store the amazing greyness of the skies. Of course, in time I have to get down and work off each assignment solidly. Maybe later. What comes to mind, though, is the new development on Juhu beach. Every monsoon, Mumbai rains leave behind a monumental emblem. This time, it seems to be a ship stranded near Juhu beach. The other day, I was stuck in front of the beach for nearly four hours. The entire populace of Maharashtra seems to have descended upon that spot. There was police bandobast everywhere and people looked happy and crazed. The beach looked as if a large jar of colourful pills had smashed open and the pills were rolling out all over the place. Beyond the milling crowds, though, was the mighty s...

Bad things happen. How one responds makes the difference. Long time ago, a woman was accosted in a local train and thrown off while 3 other female passengers watched. The CM at that time gave a statement that this was a one-off incident and that Mumbai was still safe for women. Another time, a woman was mauled badly near Gateway during New Years. The Police said that the girl and her friends were warned against going to that spot. Yet another time, a girl was molested badly on New Year's eve by a bunch of rowdy drunkards. The Commissioner of Police, at the time, gave a statement that nothing more could have been done to prevent this incident. Adequate police force were deployed all over the city. Recently, a journalist was shot dead in broad daylight by two people on a motorcycle in the city. BUT this time...this time it was different. The Police took a stand. They acknowledged that they had let down the citizens of the city. That they had been lax and careless. The Commiss...

Several years ago, I decided to fast one day a week. I had heard that when you fasted one day, ate nothing, drank nothing - your body became sharper. Your mind could clear through unnecessary clutter easily. Slowly, over time, you became a more focused, vigilant person. You knew what you wanted and you could get directly in the most focused way possible. And what I wanted then, as what I want now, is a fantastic body and supreme peace of mind. Of course, now, I have made my peace with my body. It's a good body. I don't cringe too much when I look at it, unless I see myself in some clinging lycra or something. But overall, I am pleased. Peace of mind, on the other hand, is a tough story to tell. There are spells when I do experience a stillness, a calmness - a suspension of everything that is cracked, unfulfilled or hard. But these are brief. Many times, I lose that feeling on account of an external event. Sometimes the reasons are flimsy - an incorrectly made ...

I'm back from an impromptu trip to Goa. My cousin arranged this holiday with his family and I tagged along. Goa has such a pulchritude of lazy, indolent, gut-wrenching prettiness. It's a joy to share it with just about anyone - your family, your friends, an ex-lover you just made peace with, your dark inner cynic, your impoverished romantic heart that seems to have a windfall when it sees a wild fortress sea at Candolim. This trip was quite an adventure. You haven't really seen rains unless you have seen them on the ghats. We stayed back a night at Amboli because we couldn't proceed to Goa. And in Goa, we did a million things in a couple of days. We took a cruise in the middle of a blazing storm, got drenched at the Calangute beach, supped on parathas and xacutis and luxuriated in the opulence of churches. The best part was smelting in the joys of my niece and nephew. That feeling of walking into huge walls of waves with kids in tow - the exhilaration is unbeatable. ...

It has been a good day today. Cheeriness came in spasms, mainly due to the lovely, cool, grey rains. I sat reading the latest Vogue edition on the terrace. The magazine spoke of a trend called Sicilian White - which is head-to-toe white dressing with gold accents. I like that theme but looking around me, I figure it is probably better suited to Sicily. Sicilian white in Mumbai is hard to wear. In monsoons, it is nearly impossible unless one wants a delicate fringing pattern of splattered mud. I am really at a loss. I have no clue what I need to do from this point on. It's a very strange, unsettling, dark feeling. It's like somewhere I have lost the plot. So, I have to stop everything that I am doing and take care of unfinished business: My divorce - which has been pending for so long now. My writing. My book or movie script. My yoga practice where I can do the shirshasan and halasan and thousand suryanamaskars a day. My first long meditation retreat. My first experienc...

I had the most slurpacious, delicious nap this evening.  A full two hours luxurious tour of snoozeland. I think a full, great dinner had something to do with that. There was some Lebanese pilaf made with broken wheat. My mother uses an amazing Lebanese spice that makes the entire house smell good. It's got a nice, spicy fragrance. Okay, so there was that Luscious Lebanenon-spiced pilaf. There was also rajma - just the way I like it, very soft with a slightly thick gravy. Wheat rotis - unevenly baked and hot from the tava. And the piece de resistance was the taal gud someone got us from Kolkata. Hot rotis or puris with slightly warm and runny taal gud is one the finest combinations I have ever, ever, ever come across. I don't like rotis too much. But with taal gud , I can eat a dozen. As I systematically moved through my plate (heaped as it was), there was another kind of delectable drama happening in the sky. Grey clouds gathered. They got passionate and turned black. ...

I came acrross this passage by Mark Twain. It was part of his speech to St. Nicholas Society in New York, 1900, December 6. It's about New York but could very well have been about my super city. " The foreigner coming to these shores is more impressed at first by our sky-scrapers. They are new to him. He has not done anything of the sort since he built the tower of Babel. The foreigner is shocked by them. In the daylight, they are ugly. They are - well, too chimneyfied and too snaggy - like a mouth that needs attention from a dentist, like a cemetery that is all monuments and no gravestones. But at night, seen from the river where they are columns towering against the sky, all sparkling with light, they are fairy-like; they are beauty more satisfactory to the soul than anything man has dreamed of since the Arabian nights."

It is the first of June and I find myself in my father's office. I have to wrap up some work urgently and then head to a meeting at Worli Naka in the afternoon. So, of course, there is no reason why I should be blogging. However, like I said, it is   the first of the month and there is always a fresh, crisp feeling when one does something on the first. Like my little nephew. He managed to be born on the first of June five years ago. In his short, checquered life, he has learnt to make life simple for those around him. Therefore, when I asked him, "What do you want for your birthday?", he said, "Anything...make it big but." These are exactly the sort of guidelines one looks for in life. My neighbor from Vashi has shifted to Mahalakshmi. A very sweet girl with stormy moods. She's a great cook and loves feeding people, which is why my deep affection. In Vashi, for the longest time, she was feeling restless. Today, from her new home, she texts me in the morn...