Day 17 of 108

 It is my birthday today. Had come to meet Papa. He was not at home. I waited. Had Maggi. Then he came with flowers and had his dinner. He has gone off to sleep now. 

Every year my birthday, especially the years after Ma passed away, have always been laden with sadness. I don't think I can escape it. A long time ago, someone I knew had once told me that I have the destiny to always be sad. I think that might be true but now as years go by, I don't think it's a bad thing. Sorrow keeps you deep and on the path to investigating the Truth...the one path that will lead to liberation. 

I woke up and remembered that I needed to complete some pending work before I go on leave. I still don't know when my last day is. But maybe soon. In any case I didn't want to leave any loose ends. So I completed the set of tasks. That was a big relief. 

I also picked up John Steinbeck's short story, "The Pearl". Because it's my birthday read. My name is Mukta and Mukta means pearl. It also means freedom. Last year when I had gone to Rishikesh, by the Ganga, I fell in love with my name. I think it's a sweet, soft name...like a blessing. My personality doesn't currently suit the name. But I have faith. Maybe in time it will.

There are a few resolutions I am thinking of making. Let's see how it goes. I don't want to share them because I feel silence actually fuels journeys involving great depths and great heights. 

Here are all the things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. When I did not find him at home, I was a little worried. But I paced and controlled myself. He returned a few hour later, tired but well.

2. Am healthy.

3. Had money to come by auto.

4. Settled the bill with the dhobi today. He is quite an erratic and shifty character. I think he increased the cost of ironing bedsheets randomly. But given what is going on in the world who can blame him?

5. Started reading a new book on my birthday. Steinbeck no less. Feels like self-love.

6. Am safe. 

7. A few sweet people wished me Happy Birthday. 

8. I feel my mum's blessings and love as I lie on her bed.