Yesterday

 It was a rough day yesterday. I asked someone to leave the house. She was in the middle of tea and she said something that irked me so badly that I asked her to go. I stood up and said, "You should leave." 

She looked a little confused as to what to do with the cup and the book she had picked up to borrow. I told her she could leave both those items and go. 

It has been a while since I have done that. I still wondet what got over me. But actually nothing. I felt it was too unpleasant to just stew in my own resentment of her. 

But I felt bad and scared. Whenever this almost demonic possession of anger gets over me. And now slowly I am finding that it is hard to shake off from my system.

I don't know. I have been feeling quite defeated lately. I would say it was yesterday but it has been longer than that.

Maybe it is time to give nihilism a chance.