Sodden

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Today was not much easier than yesterday. A cheery happenstance was getting my Zara packet with a light, floaty nurse-white cotton dress and a slightly cloudy tank-dress. Burst into tears quite randomly alarming my father. I think sometimes I feel scared that I will not be able to protect him from harm...and I mean random vague harm in the world. Or maybe people taking advantage of him or something. And he doesn't understand why any of that is triggered with him going to SBI. Anyway, since he loves phirni so much and usually has one as a midnight snack (and I inhale several of them when I am stressed), we were out and I wanted to get them for him. Now, so far, V had been getting me phirni and he had shown me the shop once, given me directions a dozen times, and I still couldn't follow. The thing is I can't get orientation unless things are arranged at right angles. Anyway, V will also be going away. I say 'also' because my father will want to leave for Vashi soon (he is getting restless here). And everyone leaving all at once just makes me feel helpless and anxious. So to get some sense of control, to feel a little anchored (and not some lame drifting leaf in the wind), I decided that I will go find that phirni place. Yesterday V gave me another set of directions that was even easier. It really was two right-angles from my house to that place. This kind of directions I understand. I wonder why he hadn't given it to me earlier. He can be sadistic like that. 

But the moment I got the simpler directions, I ventured into the more complex one. It's not 'complex' really. It's really not...just slightly twisted compared to the other route. That shop is so close that I reached it before one song on YouTube got over. But maybe I was avoiding it because I had always thought that as long as I was in Bandra, V would always be there to get it for me. 

But nobody's always there. And I always forget. 

Still, that phirni shop kinda looked permanent for a while. We'll take that for today.

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