I had planned to finish work today and yet again it didn't happen. It's beginning to feel chronic. It's quite difficult to get some of my father's medicines. Went to 4 medical shops here today and managed to get 40 percent of his prescription.
I think I am losing a lot of energy feeling resentful. If I need anything stocked in the house, I have to do it. If my father's medicines are going out of stock, I have to arrange for it. If I want coffee, then I must get the coffee powder, the sugar and milk...and make it myself. Because I can see my cook getting overworked, I wash the dishes sometimes and make her toast and chai. I really feel as if my brother doesn't do anything. And it's not as if I have anything less to do with managing Bandra. It's one thing to have to take care of everything when you are by yourself. And quite another when you are living with someone and still somehow it is ALWAYS your responsibility.
This is what sucks my energy. If you don't have a husband, children, pets, or a job then you apparently have ALL the time and cash in the world to invest in whichever household you find yourself in. This is getting really exhausting...to have to constantly earn your place in an environment.
You can't afford to take a day off, make a lapse in judgement, afford to spend a little extra cash somewhere else...all because you have to get the groceries, pay the bills, arrange for help, and tend to a VERY stubborn patient. Why? Because I am not married and I don't have kids and I freelance. So clearly, I don't have 'obligations'.
It's so frustrating that as an act of defiance, I bought a lot of shoes online.
At this rate, I am not going to have any energy to finish my projects and lose whatever good client base I am building now.
Anyway, I have to figure out some way to tackle this. Otherwise I am going to fall sick. And it is very apparent that I am really low in the social hierarchy to warrant any medical intervention on priority.
Deep breaths. Really deep breaths.
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