Walk around the neighborhood

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I went for a short walk around the neighborhood. I had to buy a few kgs of rice but all the shops were shut by the time I reached them it was around 6:45 in the evening and the sky was a rose potion pink. It was beautiful. I had just opened a suitcase full of clothes that had come from Bangalore. Found a snug black tee from Nike with bright pink and white stones studded on it. I like stuff like that - things that make black cheery. Wore that with a pair of joggers (such a useless style of pants) and a plain old mask. 

The parks in Vashi are outrageously beautiful now! The green is pure and grass gleam like shards of jewels. Sure, the parks haven't been mowed but the trees have grown and gotten stronger and so many vines and creepers seem to have taken over neighborhood walls. It was quite a sight! I felt like I was walking through the Metropolitan Museum of Leaves. There should be such a thing.

I have been journaling a fair bit today and I can honestly say that it is not just saving my own sanity, but my personal scribing is helping my family. I realised that a lot of my emotional reactions are just forces of habits. And like a habit, an emotional reaction can change. But it is important to understand the full landscape of that habit, as it were. It was formed for a reason, in a context, and it served me well then. It's not serving me well now. But I go back to it simply because it is familiar territory. And anything unfamiliar, even if benign, seems to risky for survival. When I feel triggered, I first write down a set of basic tenets that help me formulate my thoughts. The first foundational tenet that I write to keep reminding myself is that whatever is happening in my heart or stomach or throat or head...it is still happening inside me. And as long as it's in me, I can tend to it. The other thing I realised while writing is that when I use the phrase, "I will tend to my anger or anxiety or frustration...", it soothes me instantly. Instead if I write (or think) the words, "I can control it...", I can see a stubborn little territory in me raise a tiny black flag in response and declare war. Not what we want.

Also, I have decided to tackle one issue a month. This way I can do justice to exploring  what exactly the entanglements are. Sixteen years as an instructional designer has taught me something...that the stated problem is very rarely the actual problem.

Now the blog post is done, I will have some coffee and pick out happy ex-Bangalore clothes for tomorrow. 


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