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Today has comprised of the following things:
1. Wore the new black and white dress from Limeroad. It looked pretty.
2. Made plans to go to watch Aladdin with a friend. Did not work out. Felt bummed.
3. Went for a walk this morning. Felt really good. So many beautiful lakes have now come near the marsh/ lake/ waterbody. The water itself is so gorgeous - a kind grey with ripples looking like folds in silk.
4. Broke a nail and my finger bled.
5. So tired - FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING tired of having to work on weekends. I DO NOT want to work over the weekends anymore. It is now stifling me. An acquaintance. long ago, had told me that performance of our machines and gadgets are closely linked to our mental and emotional state. (He had also pegged it to horoscope. So since my Mercury is weak, apparently, I have a problem with electronic devices.) Forget the horoscope. But I feel like my computer and phone definitely mirror my mental state. They are never charged enough. Even if I put them on charge, the wire gets loose or I forget to turn the switch on. Then time goes by. I still use the phone and computer and they are not adequately charged. Or I use them while they are still on charge so they aren't getting charged properly. I think that is what is happening with me. Just lining everything up over the weekend and I can't enjoy anything. Spend time at home, work on the projects, tend to a headache, get chores done, etc. The main thing is attending to my mother. I want to be my cheeriest and strongest when I am around her. But I am not always that way. So I have to prepare by doing some strong breathing exercises and meditation and work-out before I hand out with my mum - so that I don't lose patience, feel guilty, let the guilt immobilize me so that I can't work, go and make amends with mom - by which time she is already asleep. While love may make things easy, I think it needs a certain strength and preparation to actually DO the loving. And all this work over the weekends is just getting in the way.
6. Tomorrow, I WILL NOT change my plans. I am going to Bandra to meet a friend. And unless he cancels, I am not cancelling. I WILL NOT.
7. It's okay. Nothing is insurmountable. I have a home, I have food on the plate, enough money to pay rent for a house in Bangalore I am not staying in - but I hope that the money is helping the landlord enjoy his life in some way, enough cash and health to take a cab, go for coffee, dress up and go to the movies. Granted - it's no vacation to Europe. But man! What newfound respect and appreciation for I have for mobility. To be able to take a break - physically - even if the mind does not let on - is a huge thing.
8. My mum is still there. And everyday, even if it is for a few minutes, I see her smile. For that alone, and with that alone, much can be withstood.
1. Wore the new black and white dress from Limeroad. It looked pretty.
2. Made plans to go to watch Aladdin with a friend. Did not work out. Felt bummed.
3. Went for a walk this morning. Felt really good. So many beautiful lakes have now come near the marsh/ lake/ waterbody. The water itself is so gorgeous - a kind grey with ripples looking like folds in silk.
4. Broke a nail and my finger bled.
5. So tired - FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING tired of having to work on weekends. I DO NOT want to work over the weekends anymore. It is now stifling me. An acquaintance. long ago, had told me that performance of our machines and gadgets are closely linked to our mental and emotional state. (He had also pegged it to horoscope. So since my Mercury is weak, apparently, I have a problem with electronic devices.) Forget the horoscope. But I feel like my computer and phone definitely mirror my mental state. They are never charged enough. Even if I put them on charge, the wire gets loose or I forget to turn the switch on. Then time goes by. I still use the phone and computer and they are not adequately charged. Or I use them while they are still on charge so they aren't getting charged properly. I think that is what is happening with me. Just lining everything up over the weekend and I can't enjoy anything. Spend time at home, work on the projects, tend to a headache, get chores done, etc. The main thing is attending to my mother. I want to be my cheeriest and strongest when I am around her. But I am not always that way. So I have to prepare by doing some strong breathing exercises and meditation and work-out before I hand out with my mum - so that I don't lose patience, feel guilty, let the guilt immobilize me so that I can't work, go and make amends with mom - by which time she is already asleep. While love may make things easy, I think it needs a certain strength and preparation to actually DO the loving. And all this work over the weekends is just getting in the way.
6. Tomorrow, I WILL NOT change my plans. I am going to Bandra to meet a friend. And unless he cancels, I am not cancelling. I WILL NOT.
7. It's okay. Nothing is insurmountable. I have a home, I have food on the plate, enough money to pay rent for a house in Bangalore I am not staying in - but I hope that the money is helping the landlord enjoy his life in some way, enough cash and health to take a cab, go for coffee, dress up and go to the movies. Granted - it's no vacation to Europe. But man! What newfound respect and appreciation for I have for mobility. To be able to take a break - physically - even if the mind does not let on - is a huge thing.
8. My mum is still there. And everyday, even if it is for a few minutes, I see her smile. For that alone, and with that alone, much can be withstood.
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