Chiffonesque

Very tired. Had gone running near the pond last night. City lights melted into the dark waters. Reminded me of my head. Earlier this week, had thought of coloring my hair but decided against it. I like to imagine my hair as the tapestry that would hold the memory of a place - a pond today, monsoon skies seen on a hill-top, white curls of a river you raft through... Anyway, the other day I had gone to my friend's house and I collected a few of her college notes. Can't imagine someone throwing them away. My mother's health is still delicate. I wish she got better very very quickly.

Two books I am curious to read: https://youtu.be/FLrQHjY53ko Really need to take some time out to figure out important plans. I think we really always get what we want. Today learned of something that really made me mad. But I stopped myself and asked, "Is this a kind thought?" It wasn't. I think that's what I will do from now. Think kind thoughts only.

I am feeling quite unsettled so I don't think I will write in paragraphs or sentences today. List is the preferred format for today: 1. Spoke with someone from a long time ago. I found myself blushing. Felt weird and very very good. 2. Had a massive migraine headache. Don't know what's going on there. I never used to get them and now I get them a lot. My friend recommended the Mahasir mudra, which really has helped me. I intend to make it part of my routine soon. 3. Mum's health is improving but still remains dodgy. I find myself in very dark moods for getting impatient with her, feeling so helpless with myself...Everyday I resolve to never lose my cool or have my heart harden. Every day I fail at some point. But hopefully, my fight is getting stronger and my return to the arena, more confident. 4. Just feel like buying lots of new clothes. 5. Cleared the fridge this morning. So much stuff was past the expiry date. Immediately, when I trashed the stuff, I fel...

I don't understand why non-vegetarian people have to ask vegetarian people in a restaurant whether the latter is okay if they order meat. As a vegetarian, I am not asking your permission to abstain from meat, am I? I think courtesy must be extended both ways or else, preferably, neither. Get what you want. It stays on the table It does not get on the plate. Simple. Otherwise, I suppose, if you have never eaten meat, you may be squeamish about seeing meat or flesh and bones on the table. In which case, perhaps, not choosing a non-vegetarian restaurant may be optimal. No point in going to a place that serves meat but then people can't order it because you don't like it. Of course, if one is the kind of non-vegetarian that likes boneless stuff and only filets and all, it's really time to consider vegetarianism. If you can't handle bones, you aren't enjoying the meat anyway. (I did have caveperson tendencies when I ate meat.) Yesterday I stayed the night at a fri...

When you were growing inside of me, All the hibiscuses tuned gold, The silver stream in our backyard, Was where all our stories were told. You ate what I was eating, You thrilled in the songs I heard, And with the liquid-music you lived in, I felt you flutter like a water-bird. One hot day, you came out, All bold and red and crying, And while you felt tight with life, Our sweet little stream was drying. Days passed on and I sketched for you The happy silver stream You loved it all so much but you Didn't think it was more than a dream. And then one day, as I painted Some silver lines again, The skies had turned plump and kind, And then it started to rain. When you no longer grew inside of me, And we painted as two, as us , You reached out on your own and Painted me a gilded hibiscus.

Was working on a slightly complex storyboard. There is a moon out that looks like a half-eaten rasgulla. It was past midnight and the leaves shone. A cat was moving somewhere. I had a chilled Diet Coke. And I lit the joint that you'd given. It felt sweet and good...like I'd gone window-shopping for timelessness. I liked the one that felt like silk and was the colour of skin and grey like dark circles. I still have work to get back to and I still have to keep to the clock. But in that pause that I took to smoke up, I could afford the silky eternity. Thank you for the delusion. 

I was shocked when I actually had to read a book of fiction the other day. It was for pleasure. It was for no agenda other than to simply read it. And I could not do it. It felt like trying to walk after a really bad accident. I have to read and write for a living. So I do a lot of it. Most days I work upwards of 10 hours. Much of that time is reading, researching, writing, and talking to people over the phone (conversations that are preceded with reading a number of emails and that are followed by sending out lots of emails as well.) So, of course, there is the matter of not having time to read for pleasure. But there was something else that I had not quite anticipated - a bleeding of joy around an activity that I had enjoyed a lot as a kid. In fact, I had enjoyed reading so much that a lot of my major life decisions - such as what to study, what job/s to take up, what to spend money on, what kind of structures to have to my days - all of them centred around the fact that I enjoyed...