Saturday, July 14, 2012

It really is quite a marvel...

...this innate mechanism of the human mind or heart to forget - at least for the time being. I woke up with a heavy heart today. Yet, as I watered the plants, I felt excited because I'd get to work on an exciting project this week. The weather was cool and it's a Friday. So even though I tried to fight back tears as I listened to my maid's chatter, I wondered what I'd wear to work. I'd got a cute black tee from Sarojini Nagar yesterday. It's got the Friends logo in it. I wore that with a wrap-around skirt.

Usually when I am really sad, I start feeling nauseous. It was the same today. When I stepped out of the house, my tummy seemed to squelch with unset jelly. I reached office with a really heavy heart. Yet I smiled and had a conversation - and it wasn't fake either. I genuinely was interested in a colleague's weekend plans and her mother-in-law's recipe of upma with carrots. I emailed someone else and quoted a little from Hemingway's 'Old Man and the Sea'.

Work came my way. I was deep into it for a while. Then something else came up and although, welts of pain seemed to mark my mind, I remember getting exasperated with MS Word. I attended a friend's call, planned a few things, made a promise to eat less (when I caught a reflection in the mirror).

I stayed back late in office and then came back home. Ma is here for the weekend and when I reached, she excitedly told me of a new recipe for aloo-gobi. It was pretty fabulous and I ate a lot of rice and daal. And then I got on to Facebook and laughed at somebody's update.

It's really a pretty awesome thing - this framework of existence. It seems to be so interconnected and all, yet...when I am going through possibly the crappiest time of my life, my 'life' so to speak doesn't quite know it.

I get the feeling that to actually tackle one day at a time - it's not really important to be positive or feel greatly uplifted. I think it's sufficient to stay curious, to just ask, "How will this turn out?"

And then sit back and wait for the answer.

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