Monday, July 23, 2007

For now

For now, it seems that my marriage of five months is over. I head back to Mumbai tonight. I do and do not know whether it was my fault. I also do and do not know what went wrong.

This knowing-unknowing is the very worst part of heartbreak.

It is unfortunate that I did not get to celebrate my first anniversary in poetic, tingly Delhi winter. And that my marriage ended just when the clouds got lyrical and gauzy.

But there are many things I learnt in and from Delhi. And most times, when I say, Delhi, I mean my soon-to-be-ex-husband.

I learnt to drive. Maybe a couple more failed marriages and I will learn to park and reverse and then I’ll be set for life.

I learnt to marvel at the intrepid guts of workers who trudge along in heat. The perspicacity is humbling.

I learnt to steel my fragile ego from the withering looks of auto-people.

I learnt the shayraana of clouds against ruins.

I learnt to love simple generosities of simple folk in a Noida bus.

I learnt that I embody the bard’s pithy truism - that I love too much but not too well.

I learnt that intuition is not necessarily gas in the tummy.

I learnt that when the promise of the mountain tops fade away, the aegis of the sea beckons.

I hope Bombay wants me back.


AB said...

Aww mukta :( , is it really true ?
Bombay I hear looks best in the rainy season :) , dont worry , and this too shall pass:)
And all the very best :)

Puneet said...

I don't know you personally, but I am a regular at your blog site, and I love reading them.
So even though I have never met you, I feel a connection :), i don't think i am making any sense.
But anyways.
I really hope that this article is an extract from some novel u read and not a reality.
I am praying.

doubtinggaurav said...

Like puneet I am assuming it is some extract, if not, will wish best anyway

Altoid said...


Ran into your blog from your great post "Save the male child" and have been a regular. I, too, hope that this is some kind of imaginary situation- the eternal optimist I am not, though this time I am hoping for the positive. Best wishes and take care


Anonymous said...

just a month back you were writing poetry while ur husband was sleeping on your lap... and now this? What happened? just the regular quarrel beween the newly-weds?

Anonymous said...

hey guyz..

I just spoke to her, and things are fine. It was just a small zagda between husband n wife..nothing serious.


Ashish Shakya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ashish Shakya said...

I'm just a regular reader here, and yet your post hit hard...can't imagine what it felt like for you. Hope what Pravin says is true. All the best.

Blythe said...

I'm sorry Mukta...Bbay definitely would love to have you back, must have been missing you. I missed those Bombay posts. All the best, whatever you decide to do. Hugs.

The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts said...

I learnt that when the promise of the mountain tops fade away, the aegis of the sea beckons.

I'm sorry to comment for the first time on this blog at such a time.. but I have sailed in the same waters as you..
Courage and Fortitude will help and yes family too..
This is a nice blog..
Hope things improve.

Mellowdrama said...

Fishing for sympathy frm strangers is an excellent way to work on your marriage:) If you really did love, you would be wrking twrds it, not whining about it.

Anonymous said...

To, mellowdrama above,

You must be the most callous monster to comment the way you have. While Mukta has the right to bare or conceal what she chooses to, it doesn't give you the right to be judgemental. This is the pitfall of blogging - insensitive people like you commenting.

asuph said...

I rarely comment here, and more than ever, I don't know what to say.

Just take care.


the mad momma said...

all the best seems so trite in the face of what you are going through. i hope things work out because i remember you as a very excited young bride... fingers crossed and a prayer going up for you...

Brett said...


Some things are worth fighting for no matter what any one else says. The world is full of advice good and not so good. At the end of the day one only has oneself to face. Life was never meant to be easy, was it? real happiness is well ;) you know how to find that you cant buy it its for free.
Chin up stiff upper lip cherrio and tut tut