Thoughts and bread (Warm, freshly baked, and whole wheat.)

1. People look at a girl in a short-skirt longer than at a girl in shorts.
   
2. Places that are known for cheap booze will always serve batter-fried appetizers. Not too many hors-d’ouvres will be sautéed or braised or steamed.
   
3. Spelling mistakes in menus indicate unclean drinking water.
   
4. Spelling mistakes on toilet doors indicate management with very strong patriarchal background. (I went to a restaurant in Lonavla where one door said ‘Men’ and another said ‘Laddies’. Women were perhaps expected to go in the garden.)
   
5. Alarm clocks work better than alarms in mobiles.
   
6. If there is nothing good on T.V., it must be a weekend.
   
7. Smokers don’t giggle.
   
8. People who eat only egg whites with a tea-spoon are bad swimmers.
   
9. Women who use ‘lotions’ instead of ‘creams’ tend to be mothers of sons and are more judgmental of other women.
   
10. Men who bob their heads for no reason while having Coke wish they were women.
    
11. Most people working in ‘Barista’ don’t know what it means. (They also don’t know the meanings of the following words/phrases: ‘Please’, ‘Thank You’, ‘Sorry, I did not mean to make you feel like an imbecile parrot because you want your coffee sweet.’, ‘We charge EXTRA for the chocolate sauce I am currently offering you like a friendly pat on the shoulder.’)
    
12. Salads with descriptions that have ‘-esque’ in them come in very, very small portions.
    
13. What is wrong with spandex?
    
14. Khadi silk makes nice cushion covers.
    
15. Sprouts grown in baby shoes look very kitschy and adorable.
    
16. Scowling people always have change.
    
17. Jobs are easy to find when you are not looking for one.
    
18. Just because something is public doesn’t mean it is honest. Namely opinions.
    
19. Small dogs are mean and want to see me run over. Large dogs are more amicable. Medium-sized dogs are just small dogs, only a little bigger. (They ARE NOT large dogs, only a little smaller.) Therefore, if I am run over, they, like the small dogs, will be happy.
    
20. Hot dogs are tasty.
    
21. People who talk about ‘Dijon’ mustard are show-offs. They don’t know about any other kind of mustard.
    
22. Is there any kind of mustard?
    
23. I have a nice thumb. I shall paint it mauve. The whole thumb.
    
24. I have some cute ideas. Like a search engine for babies. It will be called ‘Gurgle’.
    
25. My ideas may never spin money.
    
    I don’t even like bread.