Friday, July 15, 2005

Pent Up - Vent Out

I am now tired. I am also fed up. I am irritated and grouchy and snappy and scowling. People are behaving unreasonably. They are coming in loud, kitschy droves to restaurants that can only seat half of them. ‘Why don’t you join some tables?’, they ask in grating high-pitched voices. If the hotel intended to join every table in the room, it would have, gung-head! Go and book the terrace if you want to entertain the population of Homer Simpsons you share your sad office space with.

There are others too.

You go up to someone. You tap them on the back. They turn, they look, and then nod and say, ‘Tell me.’ Yeah! Thanks for the permission, sweetheart. I just wanted to flash my badge and scoot. But now that you’ve mouthed those magic words, I will indeedy ‘tell you.’

And yes, ‘anywayz’ IS NOT a word. It’s a sloppy, lazy emblem of the vacuously inarticulate.

Then there are those artsy-fartsy (more fartsy) women who dress up in Fab-India uniforms. So, same fish-block print kurtas; same onion-pink dupattas, same faded vermillion stained shirts, same, same. And they dare to turn up their odd-shaped blackheaded noses on poor (refreshingly unjudgmental) misfits dressed in synthetic. I mean, sure – you got your style and all. But it’s no-one’s fault you can’t fit into a Lee Cooper (made in Thailand)..and for all the Fab-India chic you swear by, those clothes do look frumpy and dowdy after a while. And a little lycra didn’t hurt anyone.

And let's hear it for those Rockerfellers who travel by train. A little kid is selling kerchiefs. He’ll sell you three kerchiefs for ten bucks. These millionaires go – Gimme 4 for eight. Way to go, big spender! I’ll see some of those bargains when you own your private railway line.

And sure, it’s real snazzy that some people have the latest-schmatest rap jingle as their ring tone..and isn’t it cocklewarming that they share the ‘musique’ with the rest of world before they answer the phone?

There is a reason ticket timings are printed on movie tickets. It’s absolutely foul to have these tardy imbeciles leave a Hansel and Gretel trail of coke and popcorn while they trample over toes to get to their seats. (If the lights are off and the movie’s on, sit on the steps.)

And for the thousandth time – a salwar kameez is not a ‘dress.’ When I say I bought a dress, I mean a (Lord help me!) frock.

Why is every friggin' thing in Mumbai a lounge bar? And who ‘lounges’ in mind-numbingly high decibel levels?

I’m a little sad now. This verbal outburst didn’t do any good. It had felt good to have all that vitriol swilling inside my black, hollow heart this week. Anyway (see, 'any' and 'way' - simple!), now it’s gone.


Kafka on the Shore said...

lol. that was funny shit.

Kahini said...

Any more vitriol in there?

That was hysterical.

Rabin said...

Hey the grouchy you isn't so bad! Infact you were on a roll there! :)

Ever get somebody who answers their phone with a 'Talk to me!'? lol That gets me laffing everytime

Nagesh Pai said...

Kiwi Drainex?? Purgolax?? Isabgol??...

Well Relief at last finally! Has the gift of sweet slumber arrived after the dam burst??

No wonder i have been seeing a couple of sleep-devoid very grouchy faces in a nearby restaurant during lunch Hehe! Just pulling your leg, Mukta.

Good to know that even frustration has a nice sweet rhythm!


Pradeep said...

Holy christ this was funny. Was just talking to a friend of mine n she also referred to salwaar kammez or whatever as a 'dress':)

d-Snob said...

Look who's talking now!

"These millionaires go – Gimme 4 for eight. Way to go, big spender! "

And when was the last time you donated something to the less priviledge section of our society?

"And who ‘lounges’ in mind-numbingly high decibel levels"

Don't you go to these so called "LOUNGE bars"???

I am dead sure that you do.

"cocklewarming that they share the ‘musique’ with the rest of world before they answer the phone"
My dear friend, there are reasons behind that, 1st being, should you lose your mobile that's on vibrator mode, in your house or office, it would be very difficult to trace the mobile, so having a 'musique' ringtone helps!

"There is a reason ticket timings are printed on movie tickets."
Well, there are so many reason that one could get late in Mumbai and I don't think I need to talk about that much, but my friend, were you NEVER late for any show???
I don't think so...

My friend, stop being a hypocrite!

Mukta said...

Hi Kafka, kahini, r, nagesh, q and d-snob:

there's plenny more vitriol from where that came.

and d-snob - 'hypocrite?' why? by the way, u sure seem to have some tension inside you i think.

and how are you 'dead sure' that i go to lounge bars? Curious now - mightily curious.

d-Snob said...

"Was at a club last nite. There was a glass partition that separated the dance floor from the lounge area."

err...this is a snip from your latest, now would you admit that you go to these lounge bars? :-)

Rabin said...

umm..d-snob, i think what you have is a mild case of gettingyourundiesinaknotitis, which seems to be quite a common problem in the fringes of the blog world. I suggest you consult a doctor :)

d-Snob said...

r dot - thanks for your suggestion, but no thanks! I don't know what was so wrong about my comment? I think that Mukta was critizing things that she would have done herself at some point in time, and I thought that it wasn't right on her part to say bad about those things just because they don't appeal to her anymore. Like the 'lounge' thing, she goes to such lounge bars and here she is bad mouthing them, which is just so not done! Bad mouthing the rich people of the society, again, I asked her if she has done anything for the under priviledge section of our society? If she had, she would have said yes in her response to my comment, well, it turns out she hasn't.

My whole point is that don't go on bad mouthing things / people unless you have been there and done that. It is very easy for people like us to talk (bitch rather)about the society that we live in, but we don't really care to bring some change in it by doing something with whatever little resources we have.

No offence meant to anyone, sorry if I hurt anybody's feeling in here, but I just wanted to say that I couldn't disagree more with what the author of the post had to say.

Mukta said...

I don't think my earlier comment got posted. So here I go again.

R - Thank you.

Dsnob - You are entitled to your opinion. I am entitled to mine. By the way, have you ever criticized a movie or a book without directing one or writing one yourself? So if you don't ever write a book or make a movie, does it disentitle you from having an opinion?

Additionally here's a response to what you've said: 'I asked her if she has done anything for the under priviledge section of our society? If she had, she would have said yes in her response to my comment, well, it turns out she hasn't.'

Here's the thing: You can contsrue my reticence any which way you choose. I answer a yes or no when I owe an explanation to someone. I don't. A post may put me under scrutiny but definitely not on trial.

You know, in my experience we criticize in others what we don't like about ourselves. You didn't like the 'hypocritical selfrighteousness' on my post. Yet I think you employ the same trait in your comments. But hey! That's just my observation.

Now, I think we have all said what we had to say. *Deep breath all around.* Thank you for visitng my blog. And I do mean it.

jaygee said...

Will think three times before I get another fab india kurta.. forget actually wearing it anywhere :)

Mukta said...

Hi Jay,

I like you better in your cool, cotton shirts and jeans and the pretty saris anyday.

Sushma said...

Thank you!! Someone NEEDS to spread the word - or in this case, not spread the word - "anywayz" is NOT a word! Thank you!