Days 92 and 93 of 108

It rained this morning for a little while with thunder and lightning. 

That was yesterday. Today I attended the funeral of a 24 year old girl who I didn't know. She passed away in a car crash and while I had gone to her place before the burial service (was accompanying a friend), I was just thinking how honest Death is. At that age, you have a first job, maybe a first solo trip to Amsterdam, fights with parents where they finally see you as an equal...you have so much ahead. But you have lived so much already. And with that one twist of fate, you now are unreachable. You have done what those living cannot do.

It is my father's birthday month. And in the past, before my mum passed away, I used to get news of mothers passing away etc. The future comes to you...

This girl's casket was there in the centre, people were singing some prayers, someone was arranging for water, etc. It reminded me of my mom's dead body on pyre. She used to hate heat and dust. But on the pyre where it was so hot and we were cremating her...that is when it occurred to me that she really was gone. 

I prayed for this girl and even illogically asked my mum to take care of her. But now, my mom is actually not my mom anymore. And that girl too is in her journey. 

Now of course I got scared about my father. And that's why I fought with him. As with all arguments they are all one-sided. Papa is so peaceful. He is so sweet. But also insanely exasperating.

Anyway it is okay. For today he is around. I am around. We will work with that. 

Here are all the things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well.

2. I finished some work by slogging through last night.

3. Got some more work today. It is little but I am grateful for it. I think it will pick up in time.

4. Managed to go to the gym and work out. 

5. Am safe.

6. Have food and water and electricity and wi-fi.