Day 48 of 108

 Today was a strange day and I learned or rather relearned a lesson. - when it is really dark and tough, take the first step.

I did not go to Vashi because I had to wrap up something. Have been feeling quite low on energy. Today was just so hard. I have been feeling really stuck lately and I just want to sail away somewhere - little suitcase with some books, some money, cotton clothes, sturdy shoes, a few bottles of attar, Mum's jewellery that I am wearing now, and take on a new name. With a fresh new identity, I will make new friends, have new hobbies,, learn music, maybe help out at a daycare center by the beach, feed little kids jam and butter sandwiches, and just sit by the shore and keep watching the sun go down. 

I was really feeling the burn to head out somewhere. I tried getting in touch with a few friends and they were either out of town or they didn't respond. It is unreasonable but I was just feeling that it is steadily getting heavy and cumbersome to get in touch with people, make plans, then have them decide whether they want to meet you, etc. etc. But that's a mental spiral I did not want to go down. So I had been sketching a fair bit at night. So I slept off. When I woke up, my neighbor who I had messaged. So we went to a little cafe below my building for a coffee and cookies. I had a ginger biscuit and she had an oatmeal cookie.

Then we got back and he burn to just go away started flaming up again. What I have learned so far in life is that when things start feeling overwhelming, one must begin with the body - either movement or massage. I hadn't worked out for a while so I went to the gym. Did a bit of cross-trainer. That's when another friend messaged and we headed out. I was so grateful for that - we checked out Banng, Toto's, Doolally, and Therapy. It was just so crowded! Then we went to one of my favorite places to hang out in Bombay - Juhu. I love Juhu! We went to Bora Bora, got a place to sit (Hallelujah!), and could even see Juhu beach from where we were sitting. Had herbed onion rings, French fries, a Bora Bora Disaster and Guava Spice mocktails, listened to 90s and early 2000s music, watched music videos of 50 cent and Pitbull from ages ago, and headed back. Bombay is just perfect nowadays. I was a little worried that the security in y building would be asleep and it would be a hassle getting someone to open the gates - but thankfully, the dude was awake. 

I hope I remember the lesson from today - that whenever things feel walled in, something or the other opens up and some joy creeps in.

Here are all the things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. He sounded good.

2. Both help came today.

3. Had a couple of interesting outings today.

4. Managed a stint at the gym, even if it was for a short time.

5. Had the resources to go out and get myself out of a slump.

(All pic. references - Pinterest)