Enough carping for today

 Lord knows we are not done with the circus yet. But...still...even in the worst days, there's always something to be grateful for:

1. Papa is well. Not completely but is okay.

2. Brother's birthday and he is doing okay.

3. Asserted myself today. Not always easy and there will be repurcussions. But you do what you gotta do. This was a very painful thing. It involves the breakdown of a very old friendship. And it was hurtful to realize that one was only been taken advantage of. But I suppose even that much is progress...that when I saw the truth, I ended the exploitation. It's amazing how much freedom one can summon up when you realize that you can do without someone.

4. This is not something I am grateful for. Or maybe I am grateful for the lessons, if not the actual fact. There is a way women have used me. I never saw it before but a call from a friend to go and hang out with her made it clear. Women who just want you as a stop-gap until their husbands or boyfriends or lovers become available. Women who want to examine your life and living ways to compare their life to yours and feel good about their own choice. Women who want to hang out with you because, whether you know it or not, you exude a certain degree of self-sufficiency even though you may not have as much as others. Women who want to hang out with you because of your address or some other association and they want their husbands to know that they have a 'cool' (in their opinion) friend. Yes. The way women can use you is very sneaky. And actually very lethal. For me at least it has been. Anyway I hope the lesson is learned for good. (This reminds me how grateful I am for deep and sudden epiphanies. It's like...I got the call, my friend was acting all sweet and asking me to hang out with her, and suddenly it clicked...it just all clicked and I could see through exactly what she wanted...a safe escape and someone to dump the emotional emptiness on.)

5. The paneer cutlets were nice.

6. Got a home to say in. No hurricanes or Tsunamis. No problem with water or electricity. Today we will live through.