347, 348

 I am feeling very scattered and so many things have come my way. The last few days have not been exceptionally good. Or even good. But I have just not been able to sleep properly and every day, there is just so much frustration on all fronts. I think there should be an asylum for people over 50. Get out of the workforce for a little bit - with government aid so that your home and family are taken care of - and just think of whether you are really adding value to your work. Some truth serum should be administered so you know whether you are any good anymore or just seeking relevance through dubious means and coasting on some glimmer of expertise you had shown when you started out. (Like Mahesh Bhatt. His later movies somehow don't seem to tally with his initial aptitude. The man who made Saaransh and Arth could not have also made Sadak 2.) And if you are found to not be any good anymore, then I think that maybe you remove yourself from the workforce and then the Government takes care of you. Things can't go on like this everywhere at all times - at some point, accept that you are mediocre. At one point, your mediocrity could be offset with your ability to work. But now, you neither have the skill nor the stamina. This slavish animalistic desperation to get to a Friday is vulgar. I should write a story about it. And make a strong plan on how to not become like these people I am writing about. Unless I am like them already. But no - I don't think so. But still who knows? In those zombie apocalypses, sometimes those people who get bitten by the zombies don't know that they have turned into zombies.

Anyway, one trusts Nature to do what it does in time.

Here are all the things that I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. Did not speak to him but no urgent or frantic calls so am assuming all is well.

2. A friend messaged me today. I am going to meet her tomorrow.

3. Did a little work today. There are a couple of extensive documents that I need to create and that will take a lot of time. But I started with some reading today so I feel that I may have made some headstart.

4. Had really tasty hot crispy dosa today.

5. Had a good workout.