Chiffonesque

 All the things I am grateful for; 1. Papa is well. I didn't speak to him but no painful matter.  2. Finished one piece of work that I needed to submit. 3. I have to review a bunch of things, Started with one. 4. Had a good conversation with my boss. 5. Had sufficient health to at least do a workout.

 These are the strange funny ways of time. It soldiers on and you don't notice or you don't care until things happen. Here are the things that I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. I met him and I am just filled with such sweet solace when I talk to him. My stomach and gut have been an issue. So we went to an Ayurvedic doctor. She gave some cream that I don't know will help or not.  2. I watched the movie "All we imagine as light". It's a Malayalam movie tracking the lives of a few nurses who comes from Kerala to Mumbai and work in a small, local hospital. Part of this sorority is a Maharashtrian lady who cooks in the hospital canteen. Everyone has a rough past and a bleak future. But in that, too, a couple of young people are foolish and brave to fall in love. I loved the way the movie ends. I think the deepest dignity is to retain the capacity to feel happy for another person even if that kind of joy hasn't come your way. 3. There was enough food, water, e...

 Really want to heal my gut quickly. Still a few things I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. Spoke to him today. 2. Had a good call with the client. 3. Day was reasonably pleasant. 4. Managed a 1 hour walk. Not too shabby. 5. Wi-fi went off but could manage the workday calls with mobile internet. That was good. Did not cause a disruption. Wi-fi is back on.

 Today was a tiring day but it is over now. So let me recap all the things I am grateful for. 1. Papa is well. I spoke to him and he sounded a little tired. I think I will go and visit him over the weekend. 2. My cook and cleaning lady came a little early today and I got the house cleaned earlier than usual. That was good. 3. A friend called out of the blue to discuss something I had shared earlier. That was sweet. 4. I finished a pre-sales document that I needed to complete. That was good fun. 5. Some things have been bothering me for a while. Today I sat and wrote about it in my book. It felt good. I think some health issues are related to the fact that I am harbouring old crusty pain. Maybe after I start putting things on paper, some pattern will emerge. 6. Have basic necessities in place. There's a home, water, electricity and a posh city skyline outside my window. Excellent. 7. I enjoyed the besan chilla with a little curd earlier today. It was tasty. 8. I made a cup of tea fo...

 Not very happy about the work done in my house but I suppose discipline is about doing the thing you have mentally committed to, whatever is going on. 1. Papa is well. 2. Managed to complete an extensive task today at work.  3. Managed to go for a 1 hour walk. 4. Ate reasonably clean today. 5. Stomach pain subsided a little bit.

 My stomach is paining but I think I can write about a few happy things today. Here are a few things I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. I did not speak with him today but there were untoward or distress phone calls. So I assume he is well. 2. Went to Malad to meet a couple of friends. It's my friend's birthday today. I found myself in her house at the end of the evening and stayed over past midnight to wish her happy birthday. Her family had put together such a sweet, moving set of memory pieces for her. It was lovely! 3. Had a nice, safe ride back home. 4. Found a last can of Diet Coke which I will have as I finish some work. 5. Woke up with a luscious massage by Urban Clap. Worth every penny.

 Okay, the kitchen renovation is underway. I was quite distracted and have been all over the place. But there really is a lot going on in my mind, my head, my heart. Here are all the things that I am grateful for today: 1. Papa is well. He came over today and had sandwich. He looked well. 2. Was safe and health was good. 3. Found the workout a little tedious but still managed to complete the workout.  4. Liked wearing my stiped cheesecotton shurt kurta from H&M. 5. Really enjoyed a few episodes of the Good Place on Netflix. It's a super show!

 It was a day that was not very easy. It began with a lot of power struggles, etc. But it's okay. We got through it by doing one task at a time. Actually, it began with a rather long and relaxing massage. I find that if I start days with a massage, instead of ending with them, it gives me a sense of luscious peace and calm that I quite love and relish. It's worth doing that - beginning each day with a massage. Anyway, here are all the things that I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. 2. Had a good workout. I pushed myself a bit, and that was good. 3. Resisted my temptation to go to Starbucks and spend a fortune. 4. Got some good feedback on work. It's a tiny step. But it's a step forward. 5. I had water, electricity, a roof over my head, and also some time to just close my eyes and sink into my anxiety. 6. Was safe today.  

Need to make a cup of strong, sweet coffee and sit down to work. But before that, a few things that I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. 2. Am safe. 3. Had a nice basic meal of soft rice, rock salt and chilly-garlic chutney. 4. Squeezed in a workout. 5. Had work. Got notified about some new tasks coming up. Looking forward.

 My sink has collapsed so that's a problem now. I am really feeling harassed. But deep breaths. A few things that I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. Spoke to him today. 2. Connected with the contractor. He said that he might be willing to start work in a few days. 3. I can still use the kitchen sink if I am careful. I hope this gets sorted out soon. 4. Had a good workout today. 5. Enjoyed the paneer, cucumber, cheese sandwich today.

It was a rough and tough day. But it began and got done. I haven't exactly gotten done with this day yet and I have a few things to get through. But here we are: 1. Papa is well. Woke him up from sleep and spoke to him. 2. Started a day with a massage because I was having a bad headache. It was delicious! 3. Enjoyed a cucumber cheese sandwich so much! Also had the restraint to only eat one. (Would have loved to have two.) 4. Had to review a candidate's test today and I didn't think I could finish it but I did.  5. Really enjoying Amir Khan and Kiran Rao's interview in the Hollywood Reporter.

Headache. A really bad headache. But in the spirit of an ongoing tradition, here are all the things that I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well and he sent me a text today. 2. Met a friend for tea at Taj Tea Villà on St. Baptist Road. It's such a pretty place! I had a white rose mojito tea blend which was tasty. 3. Talked to another friend on the phone. That was nice.  4. Had food, water, wi-fi, and uninterrupted time in the house. 5. Am safe. 

 I am feeling heavy now. That same heavy cloud of darkness that I had felt a few days ago. I need to do a few things that will make me feel safe. To that end, this gratitude list is important. Helps me remember that even on those that were difficult, some things brought me peace and joy: 1. Papa is well. I spoke with him today. 2. Went to Fables, Juhu will my brother. That interaction is what has resulted in the heaviness but Fables is always lovely.  3. Met a friend after a long time. He had cut my hair and now I think he is moving on to bigger things. That's always fascinating...how locks can open. 4. I read the Hanuman Chalisa after very long. That always gives me peace. 5. Have a home to stay, money to buy food and take care of Dad, and lots of books to keep me company. That's sweet.

 Well, a lot has been packed into the last few days. It has been chaotic and hectic. But it is a luscious and lovely time. Mainly because of point number 2 of this list that I am ever so grateful for: 1. Papa is well. 2. The ban on Rushdie's novel has been lifted in India. He is a precious, precious soul. The immenseness of his intellectual and literary heft is what has actually kept me afloat in dark times. 3. I had traveled to Pune for some work - a gathering of people I work with. It was nice. There were moments when it felt a tad surreal - how much of congregation and aggregation of purpose. Then it will dissipate. At some point, everybody leaves and goes. Then somewhere else and at some other time, they come and meet again.  4. My trip back with a couple of colleagues was fun. 5. I look at my bookshelf and I feel happy. I feel happy when I see Rushdie on the shelves. It's just amazing to have been alive and lived through the times when he was alive and he was writing. It ...

 I was dreading today and it's 5 past midnight. So got done. 1. Papa is well. I didn't get a chance to talk to him today but no urgent or frantic calls. So safe to assume that he is well. 2. The house really stunk up with the food that went bad because of the fridge getting spoiled. It took me many frustrated hours in the morning to catch hold of an electrician to come sort this out. Then the other day some socket had blown up. So got another election to sort that out too. Strangely on Urban Company, I kept getting the message that in Bandra, they didn't have any electricians servicing the area. It cost me a lot of money. But really grateful that I got through the day and sorted out the electrical issue. 3. Had money to buy food. 4. Now this is not something I am happy about but am grateful that I allowed a little bit of destiny to show me what it wanted. I really think that I will not be meeting a couple of friends again in life. Those days are done. It's a sad thing b...

Fridge conked off. And I have to travel dayafter. Just perfect - all that food will go waste. And then there was a client call which has now translated into lots of hours of rework.    Maybe I should live without a fridge. Or maybe I should live without cooked food. Or maybe I should live with a cook who only makes fresh food for me. Anyway I should stop whining and spot the good things. 1. Papa is well. Spoke to him. 2. I have work. 3. Controlled my temper for some time. 4. Pali Hill was so pretty! It's decorated so well! It looks like prom night for the fairies. 5. I have a home and have mobility. That is good...and it is enough to tackle other stuff later. So help me God!

 Well, the day had its ups and downs. But here are a few things that I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. He is thankful for. 2. I had a nice Americano at Starbucks, per my late night ritual. 3. Finished a book, " We used to live here " by Marcus Kliewer. Wrote about it here: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/book-4-we-used-live-here-marcus-kliewer-mukta-raut-cuvof. There are a few things that I have actually not written about my experience of having read that book. It was a surreal experience. I had strange occurrences and some coincidences that made me feel as if the story was oozing out from the book and affecting everything around me. 4. Had electricity and water. 5. Am safe and I have a house. I am so so grateful that I love my place where I can be myself, relax...After reading that book, that's what I became particularly sensitive to - that I am safe in my house. It's not haunted or occupied with people who suffocate me.  This much is good. 

 I am sitting in a Starbucks and I have finished my glasses of water and iced tea. Will make this quick. Here are all the things that I am grateful for: 1. Papa is well. I didn't speak to him today but there were no emergency calls. So that was good. 2. I went to the gym today. Did some basic treadmill stuff but I liked the feeling. 3. I came across a lovely listicle with some interesting books. Ordered a bunch of them. I realise that I am becoming a hoarder. But next year, I do intend to take some proper reading holidays. 4. Had poha after very long. It was so good. 5. Am wearing my Kermit-green linen shirt that I got from Linking Road. I like the way it looks. I do feel that the days ahead seem heavy and dark. This is why my commitment to keeping this gratitude list going is stronger than before. It is an important reminder that no matter what, there's always something the heart can give thanks for. 

 It was not a very good day. Made some unwise choices and I don't think I will be making wiser ones anytime soon. But a couple of soothing pockets did emerge. Here they are: 1. Papa is well. I spoke to him today. 2. Found a silk kaftan that I wore today. 3. A friend came over for tea. 4. Enjoyed my lunch. The daal was nice. 5. Had water and electricity. 

Yesterday I wrote a little bit during the morning hours. So that cleared the head and heart space a little. Some heaviness lifted. In the evening I met a friend in Aram Nagar. We tried out a new cafe, Silk Road Coffee Company. That was nice enough. They brought us the dishes in the wrong order. But the Mediterranean sandwich was still nice I feel.  Went back to my friend's house and we chatted awhile. There's some huge pain that I am sensing around me. I am confused about whether it is there now or whether it is a foreboding of sorts.  Last night was Kali Puja. I had to do something but I didn't do. There are so many things that I think I should do but I don't. This is painful.  The cleaning lady has come. She lets herself in.  Time for chai but she tells me that there's no milk. Oh well.  One more day in Paradise.