Dassera

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 Papa got me a very beautiful white and red saree for Dassera. 

I was quite overwhelmed. Had started feeling very fragile and tense since a few weeks ago. Had a massive bodyache the night before. Had visited a friend's house for Navami. It was nice. I stayed over and the next day got a really lush massage from Urban Clap. But my energy was so low.

I went to Vashi, almost trembling with so much anxiety that as soon as I reached and saw my father, I had a meltdown.

I wonder why that is...I feel like he has become so fragile that I want to protect him from everything. And then I feel helpless that I can't. And I get pissed off with myself and then get short with him only. It is so twisted.

We have some new neighbours who are really inconsiderate. And...well...it is what it is.

This business of not being able to handle one's love for someone can be quite a painful task. So easily it can veer towards wanting control. I don't think being or staying easy with this is going to be 'natural' for me. I will have to work on this properly, with a regimen in place.

Will make some tea now and think about this. 



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