Haven't posted in a while. It has been heavy, sad and busy since the last few days or weeks. Or months or years or lifetimes. Who knows? Sometimes I feel as if the world around me is wobbly...like jelly that has not set. Parts of this jelly world lead you to another dimension. Friends who are no longer part of my life, a childhood that dissipated, dreams that I plotted for but lost, a body that for a brief moment held joy and abandon before fortressing it to prevent shame and rage, my mom, and two little babies.
Two little babies died today. I didn't know them. But I got the message and couldn't get out of bed. Little tiny babies. I was looking out the window and saw lots of things...cars, people, a flute seller, a fruit vendor arguing with a rickshaw guy who bumped him, kites, etc. But no babies. No one held in the arms of a grown up. No one in a pram.
It was a bad idea to talk to family or meet a friend in this mood. Obviously didn't go down well. Maybe it will sort itself out. Maybe it won't.
What does it matter? Two little babies died.
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