Going once, going twice, going soft

This cupboard here is an indication of just how much my life has changed over the years. And in this cupboard, the bottom shelf is now seeming to be a cause for concern.

That's my laptop bag.

For much of my work life and certainly for my freelance years (up until I moved to Bandra), my laptop bag was an extension of me. I would have this bag and a small carry-on always on the ready. If I had to shuttle between Mumbai and Pune, I would stuff this with books or files, some cash, a Red Bull (always a Red Bull), and move.

Then I moved to Noida. Trips became inter-state. A smaller carry-on so I could move quicker. I was traveling to Mumbai at least once a month. 

Then I moved to Bangalore. Trips to Bombay became more frequent and more expensive. So there was only my handbag and my laptop bag, so I could take the bus from Electronic City to the airport instead of a cab. And move to the hospital directly from the airport once Ma was in the hospital.

Then I moved to Bandra. That's when I set up my laptop on my father's 150 year old study desk, unpacked my laptop bag, took out the plane stubs, the scarves for traveling in cold cabs or planes, the stationery, the books, the rolled up dresses for a quick change...and I put it away. Along with a couple of winter coats that will perhaps never see the light of day in Mumbai.

Now the days in Bandra are cushy. There's a little bit of savings I am ploughing through to make my space here. Eating way too much. Working way too little. Thinking a colossal amount. My laptop bag, the symbol of my hustle, my struggle, my frustration, and in a sense, my vigour, lies in a closet.

When I saw it today after months, o felt a tender loving restlessness. Keeping my laptop away in a sense for me was like dropping anchor or laying down roots. 

And yet...