In an attempt to remove this suffocating pain and anger, I have tried to paint it out. This is what I came up with:
It's a dead still-born inside an angry womb. But it is growing more coarse and black with every passing second. It's tentacles are reaching inside everywhere and soon they will reach my head and my heart. And then I will turn into a beast. The only way to get that out is to soften the dark knot by seeping it in something pleasant. That's when the knot will soften as well as the tentacles. They will dissolve into a dark sea of meaningless fury and hurt. But they will not have reached the heart and the brain.
I might be saved yet.
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