That day in office

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It was a slow day at work. Around that time, a lot of people had been resigning from their jobs so the office floor was emptyish.

I had started getting along with a colleague of mine. She was a stylish, witty, and an all-round interesting person to hang out with. She had great taste in music and she was from the fancy part of Pune. When I had just come to know her, I used to make fun of her. I'd tell her that Baner (where we worked) was a good area too. We too had indoor plumbing. She'd nod and say, "Okay but does it work?"

Anyway, I introduced her to Peter Donuts in Aundh. Really great donuts and very good coffee, run by a Korean guy. She approved of the place and we'd drive there often, park somewhere under the trees, have our coffees, listen to some intelligent podcast on her phone, and get back.

One day I asked her what her tombstone would read. For some reason, I was really worried that I couldn't think of anything for mine.

I don't know if my friend was having a rough day that day or had been having a rough day for a while. But as soon as I finished my question, she turned to me and said, "I fucking tried." And then she laughed and turned to work again.

I really liked her tombstone inscription, so nice and succinct. I didn't quite understand it, though.

For a year or so now, I have been trying to act from a place of kindness. And the day I decided that is when certain kinds of personalities have been crawling out of the woodwork. It had been hard but I thought I managed.


Today, interacting with such people feels like lifting something heavy with a torn ligament or touching something very hot with a bruised finger. Today, the first thing that happened in the morning was that my buttons got pushed so hard that I acted unkindly.

And now I don't.even.care.

That part of me that wanted to get through today being generally nice to people just died. Maybe it will resurrect later. Can't say. But for now I have it buried.

And on an imaginary tombstone are the words,"She fucking tried."

She most certainly did.

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