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Today was fairly shitty but I suppose it could have gone worse.

It was really good to talk to my father and brother. Looking forward to going home soon.

I feel that my parents shielded me from so much. I suppose I always knew that but now, without my mother, it's getting clearer and clearer. Mostly I suppose it was the men in this country. It's just past midnight. So many times, I called Mum at this time to generally call her and talk about a ride remark or a hurt comment or stuff like that. She would always always answer. I suppose I got this trait of staying up late from her. My mom always felt that if she weren't around, people would take advantage of me because I couldn't say no. Slowly I thought I had given her the confidence that I could handle stuff on my own. Now I suppose I can. But today, speaking to my mom would have helped. A lot.

And today, yet again for the sake of Ma, I am trying to keep my heart open. Whenever I used to get into fights and arguments or lose my cool, and if I wanted to punch someone in the face or just leave everything and go, my mom would tell me to, "be kind, if you can."

It is so unbearably difficult some days. Like today. But I think if you've had the privilege of being so loved and treasured by your parents, you can try to pay it forward.

So, time to breathe and make compassion a priority. Even when it's difficult. Especially when it's difficult.




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