Chiffonesque

You can't see the pink flowers At this time of the night But they were there In plain view and out of sight. They'll stay on that branch Until it's time to go Till then there's wind, a moon And taking it slow These flowers bloom under A singer's bright green home She plays the guitar in company And sometimes alone There are other pink flowers Growing on different trees Not all of them know, though, How to go flirting with the breeze. They'll die and maybe grow again elsewhere But let's be frank An unlined beginning is the dream But the canvas is seldom blank. #poem

The other day a friend very proudly summoned that she was better off than most because 'she had found her goal and path' - a spiritual one since a very young age. She believes that it provides a distinct advantage. Today I came across a book in another friend's home on 'The Persistence of caste' by Anand Teltumbde. The blurb on the book says that every eighteen minutes a crime is committed on a Dalit. People committing the crime believe that it is their goal and that is their right. They are on a path. These two are very extreme opposites. I doubt if my friend on a spiritual path will ever commit these kinds of crimes. But the two profiles struck me as similar because I think there is some kind of mental scoreboard being maintained in both areas. I have known my friend for a long time and I have know her to always compare things, people, experiences. That is her way of processing information. However, comparison means that you are either looking at yourself as ...

Bangalore and breathing - a tough situation.

I went running last night, close to 11:00. And I think I have had it with eating out. Since I don't have a kitchen set up yet (all my stuff is in Mumbai), I have been Swiggying it so far. And now I think it needs to change. Apart from spending so much, I had started feeling too bloated. Usually I order really late at night and a couple of times, the food that has arrived has been stale. So yesterday I got a packet of thin poha, a carton of curd, puliogere powder, and some mustard oil. I soaked a little poha in water heated in a kettle, added the powder generously and quite a bit f mustard oil. I really liked it. 

Usually I write a post at the end of every day. Today I am writing it in the morning. (Since I did not finish it then, I am writing it the next day in the evening.) Sometimes I get confused about why I am writing this blog every single day. I know that it was to build a discipline but a discipline for what? Record things every day or write every day? Earlier, my motivation was the former - to record things every day. I was very impressed with something a friend had told me a couple of years ago. Rather, what two friends had told me.  One of them had quoted Virginia Woolf in the context of marriage or having a partner. She (Woolf) had said, "We need a witness to our lives." Another friend had told me about this man called Jonathan Harris who had started this website called www.cowbird.com. The website is described as a public library of human experiences. But just before he started this website, he had taken a year off. Every single day, he would take a photograph and put...

Saturday is over.

Today was an interesting day. I finished more work than I thought I would. Had left my purse in CCD last night. Got it today. Went out for dinner to a place called Echoes in Koramangala. Talked to someone. It felt so strange... I don't think I can get over how mystical this experience it is - that how much of your life and memories you dribble on to someone else in a conversation.

Jane Fonda is dressed in a Razer sharp suit. She eyes Lily Tomlin who is wearing a Tweed cape over a polo neck, earrings, and lipstick. Lily has just come back after catching up with Jacob.(Jacob is Lily Tomlin's supplier of yams because she makes vaginal lubricants made of yams.) Jane Fonda says, "Are you dressed for a meeting with Jacob? Or are you returning a ring to Middle Earth?" The show, Grace and Frankie, sparkles!

Day before yesterday I had gone to the Kali mandir for a Pooja and to meet some friends. On the way back, my friend told me,"You have settled down in Bangalore now." I don't feel settled. I mean I am currently using one sleeping bag and one kettle. That's not really settling in. But today I felt a little fried at work. There's someone I was working with who seemed to have a bit of attitude. I was trying to not let it get me down but it rankled. So I just went to the CCD close by to eat their synthetic biryani and have a vanilla latte.  A friend called. And I got a can and went for a movie. Just like that. When life starts accomodating a sudden movie plan with a friend, maybe that's when one has started settling down.

Today there was a patch of maybe 5 hours that was so rough that I imagined my entire personality to be mushed and spread like pate on a gravelly road. So I treated myself to rajma, rice, and two scoops of ice cream only for surviving the day. But I did survive the day. The minutes and hours passed. I still felt joy when I saw the Buddha statue in the garden lit up - the way it lights up every evening. I just love that about my co-working space. The fact that they put on these twinkly lights every evening. This too shan't just pass. It will pass like a happy, sparkly carnival! 

One evening, I had met someone in a mall. We had coffee and then we went for a drive. While driving around, he said that he had an eighteen year old son. He didn't meet him often. I remember I asked him what respect meant to him. He said, "If you don't kill me, you respect me. That's respect." A lot of time has passed since then. But I think often. Sometimes more deeply than I would like to. He meant it. Sometimes you don't get to hear someone's story. But remember it and you think that maybe there was something bloodstained somewhere. I hope he is happy wherever he is. Happy and eased out.

We have now completed 100 days since the time I committed to regular blogging. Feels good. I went out with a friend to Lahe Lahe in Indiranagar. A side note - I think Bangalore just has the most charming cafes. I wore this off-shoulder dark blue dress, shell earrings, and a sequinned black clutch which I had bought from StyleCracker. I have to say - I was most impressed by it. Even when I have tried on off-shoulder dresses myself, I have not had a good fit. However, this service (StyleCracker, that is) involves giving a stylist a budget, uploading a photo, and have them pick out something for you. That dress fits so so well! I would definitely try that service again. Stayed over at my friend's home which is so pretty and charming. I want to take a day out to really write a much longer piece. For now, we complete 100 days. Will celebrate with a cup of hot, black coffee.

Today felt rough but it ended with dancing. There are days like this.