Sunday, November 29, 2015

528, 527

There was Bombay, you know? I went there on Saturday morning.  That same morning, I had sat in the car and cried hard because I was broken up with. The plusses of dating kind people is that they are polite and they will be mindful of your feelings. But I suppose all break-ups are ultimately an audit of why you are a little bit off and a little bit wrong. Anyway, I got dropped at the bus stop and took a bus going to Dadar. Even though I tried to figure out just what is so wrong with being 'too sensitive' and how one determines the right limit, I thought of Dadar. The colours, the noise,  the sound, the crowd, the  buzz, the hustle...it is such an uplifting place...or rather it was to me that moment. I reached Dadar and was confused. A guy helped me to get to the right platform. I reached Goregaon and took a rick to my friends place. The rick guy chased me down to hand me back the change I had forgotten about. I watched, tellingly, a film  called Tamasha (which I loved and which made me curious how Imtiaz Ali and Ranbir Kapoor knew me enough to model a character after me), my most affectionate friend treated me to dinner, helped me buy a phone, bought me make-up, and made me laugh. We walked at midnight on the roads of Malad until she flagged down a rick...around that time, I saw a text from him asking me if I would be okay? I guess despite it all, we just try our bit at being kind. I saw that. I sensed that. I said yes. I wished him well. I really really meant it. Because I was in Bombay. Because despite what it makes of other people, it brings out the best version of myself. Because it has the sea. And because the sea kind of makes no bones about being too sensitive. Because how else would I survive? Because how else would I be strong?

Because,  you see, there is Bombay. 

6 comments:

mona said...

So brave of you.
I am sure you will find somebody more loving and caring pretty soon.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mukta,

I saw this scene in a film sometime back. A mother while writing to her unborn child wished that "I hope one day some one hugs you the way he hugged me today. They just hold on to you, without an ounce of selfishness, they don't pull away or try to kiss you."

I wish you get hugged like that today.

Shilpa

mukta raut said...

:-) thank you. i suppose it is what it is. :-)

Anonymous said...

Commenting after a long time here. The fact that you have opened up the Comments section to everyone says plenty in itself. I know there can be several reasons why you might have done that, but I am going to go ahead and connect that with where you seem to be in life right now.

Know that this will get better. You will get to a place where you can look back on this day, these people, this comment, and wonder to yourself if all this was even real! Life will be vastly different before you know it, and all you'll have left from this day is what you have learned about life and people. Stronger in the places that you're broken, as Ernest would say.

I can point you to any number of comforting books, blogs, songs, poems, etc. that will keep you warm in the here and now, (like this one, for example http://www.saavn.com/s/song/hindi/Striker/Yun-Hua-Raat-Ye/GF85fjZycB4) but I am sure you can do that yourself.

It will serve you well to become very aware of the heightened sense of consciousness we end up in at such times and hard code what you see and feel about everything and everyone around you. A happy, light, and carefree mind tends to miss that, but that knowledge is worth a thousand books.

You'll be alright.

mukta raut said...

Thank you very much, Anonymous...Thank you!

mukta raut said...

still...point me to the books, songs, blogs...i'd like that.