Saturday, April 06, 2013

What I am thinking of on a Saturday afternoon


Not having a T.V. means that I do not see promos of films. This is why I was not prepared for the new film poster that I spotted. Who the hell in Wadala ever looked like that? And John Abraham looks like he will bring all the histrionics of a gold biscuit to the movie. Anyway, the item song looks nice. Priyanka Chopra's outfit looks like it has been sourced from Lokhandwala's finest.


I have lots of reading and writing to do plus an assignment for work. I wonder if I will get around to doing it today or maybe I should reserve that for the bright sunshine that Sunday mornings are for. I think I should do what Robin Sharma suggests. He talks about making a giant plan for the month and then the week. Then you wake up every day at 5 in the morning and go over your plan and basically have a roadmap for the day ready. It makes sense to have some kind of an idea of what you want accomplished. At least for people like me, who can sit by the window with a cup of tea and listen to the koyal all day. What is it about summer that is so alive? The colours get deeper, the songs begin, the sweetness of fruits comes to the fore, time slows down, clouds march by, and the world becomes a wonderful smear of blue,green, and yellow. I love summers!


Now, typically, I don't like Robin Sharma type of people. They seem to be zealously enthusiastic about happiness and all that. But recently, I came across an interview where he said something that made me sit up and take notice. He said that in today's day and age, where there are a million distractions everywhere, the premium will be on the person who has focus. Not who has exceptional talent or superior technique but one who has focus. Lately, I find that focused people are in such short supply that anyone with slightly more focus than the rest is regarded as some evangelist of productivity. This is only to be expected because if you give in to a distraction, it apparently takes 20% more time to get back in the groove of things. I find that true even in personal equations. I can't understand how people can constantly be tinkering away on their smart phones, not contribute to the conversation in any way, and then wonder why their relationships are fraught with tension. I mean, forget about respect and trust and time and all that good stuff. How can you ever imagine to have a relationship, any kind of relationship, when you are unable or unwilling to make eye-contact? It is so basic! I think this is why my worst fights are with people who don't have the courtesy to put their phones down or dont excuse themselves when they take a call. And then they have the nerve to talk about respect. Sorry. As of right now, I see smart phones as really expensive, high-end leashes that you can play games on.

Anyhow, back to Robin Sharma. It has been a few years now that I've had the feeling that talent is over-rated. Decidedly so. I have seen many people at my various jobs do really well, much better than me, even though they are not as proficient. They will not have too many ideas, they will not be great at thinking solutions, their writing styles may be staid and safe, but they will do well. And the only reason for that is because they are disciplined. They are solid and reliable. Give them a job and tell them it needs to be done by this time, they will do it. It will be very mediocre, sure. In fact, one can always predict mediocrity from them but they are dependable. And when dependable people put their minds to something, they can become creative too. In my case, if someone were to give we a week to do something, there are chances that I'd come up with something superb the next day or nothing at all even a month after. And frankly, managing this kind of wayward 'creative spurts' can definitely get tiresome. In recent times, though, I've had to work with people who are similar to me. That, as anyone can tell you, is a recipe for great anguish. So, I've come to see the slow toilers in a more beatific light. But I agree with Robin Sharma on one thing, though - you do need hard discipline, unpleasant schedules - even if you want to venture into streamy-dreamy territory like creative writing or meditation. Nowadays I try to follow schedules I set up for myself. I find that when I am indisciplined, I lead a very bloated existence. My mind is always choked with thoughts that don't really lead any place, allow me to do something well, or even just get on with stuff. I know it sounds corny to make a list of all the books that I will read over the weekend or all the stuff that I want to write or whatever or whoever is irritating me or how much time could I spare on Wednesday for meditation. But it really helps. I'm sure it would help a lot more if I followed through but at least this is a start. I'll get right up there in the super-zone of efficient time-management in some...well, time.


Last couple of months and especially last week, I have been so over-wrought with tension and irritation that I do think my body has aged considerably. In fact, just before my birthday, I had such a bad outburst that my hands were shaking until yesterday. I also had that slow hotness of anger-fever that washes over me when I have been particularly agitated. But Thursday I came back home late after work. My house was empty because A had left. I was a little disoriented at first because I looked in the rooms trying to find him. (I'd forgotten that I'd said bye to him earlier.) The empty house made me feel sad a little but then, almost immediately, there was a kind of peace that was so pulsating that I almost had tears in my eyes. It was soft and cool and welcoming. My heart seemed to open up and I could breathe. I ate quickly and lots. Then I went and lay down on the bed and closed my eyes. And I slept. Dear Universe, if there is a God, if there is actually a Higher Power that loves souls and looks out for them, it is definitely in the form of sleep. I felt like a thick sheet of black aura around me ripped a little bit and all the anguish and irritation and rage bled away and I slept. I slept. Thank you, thank you, thank you - whoever up there made it possible.

Okay. Now I will go and make coffee.


suneeta patnayak said...

'What oft was thought but ne'er so well expressed...'
I love your use of language to build pictures. The bit about the black aura ripping and allowing for the bleeding of irritation and anger...simply beautiful. You have it in you, girl, to be a great writer. Be at it. Good luck.

Mukta said...

:-) thank you!