It is my birthday tomorrow and tonight feels like it's so shitty. It will be a horrible birthday. Away from family, away from every person I like...it is shitty and horrible and so painful.
Anyway, Universe, still some time until midnight. Please make it beautiful. Tonight, tomorrow, and forever after.
Update on how it turned out:
It was nice. There was some relief from the choked up agitation that I was feeling all evening. It's how one would feel if one has been wearing pants too tight and for some reason, the top button popped out. So, it was like that yesterday. Some metaphorical button popped out. So, I suppose there was some sort of a break but also some sort of freedom that allows one to live free, breathe deep...which, in no measure is a small thing.
It's interesting how bad, screeching arguments turn out. The worst in you can bring out the worst in someone else also. And when all that happens, the moral highground that generally exists like some pretty, exotic sparsely populated island breaks away from the landmass of regular value-code and floats away...while the stronger person in the argument can dive into the ocean and scarmble up that island while the other person may splash and flail about and drown.
Anyway, life learning aside, I learnt a few other things. That summer breeze is perhaps the most soothing element in the world. It can lull and normalize the heartbeat. It can be the perfect accompaniment to soft music playing on late-night radio. That the pool at the Taj looks like it has drained a hundred peacocks of their colour and the tile of the pool floor has the sheen of mother-of-pearl inlay. That summers are when the colour comes out.
I like April. It's a cheery month. Despite whatever sadness and despair may come, April seems to be a mad month. April is a rambunctious aunt who gives precious gifts that are crumpled and packed in crushed gift-wrapping paper. But April evenings are like this same aunt giving you a cup of chamomile tea and honey.
This April, my birthday comes with the message that sunshine...I can be sure of.
Anyway, Universe, still some time until midnight. Please make it beautiful. Tonight, tomorrow, and forever after.
Update on how it turned out:
It was nice. There was some relief from the choked up agitation that I was feeling all evening. It's how one would feel if one has been wearing pants too tight and for some reason, the top button popped out. So, it was like that yesterday. Some metaphorical button popped out. So, I suppose there was some sort of a break but also some sort of freedom that allows one to live free, breathe deep...which, in no measure is a small thing.
It's interesting how bad, screeching arguments turn out. The worst in you can bring out the worst in someone else also. And when all that happens, the moral highground that generally exists like some pretty, exotic sparsely populated island breaks away from the landmass of regular value-code and floats away...while the stronger person in the argument can dive into the ocean and scarmble up that island while the other person may splash and flail about and drown.
Anyway, life learning aside, I learnt a few other things. That summer breeze is perhaps the most soothing element in the world. It can lull and normalize the heartbeat. It can be the perfect accompaniment to soft music playing on late-night radio. That the pool at the Taj looks like it has drained a hundred peacocks of their colour and the tile of the pool floor has the sheen of mother-of-pearl inlay. That summers are when the colour comes out.
I like April. It's a cheery month. Despite whatever sadness and despair may come, April seems to be a mad month. April is a rambunctious aunt who gives precious gifts that are crumpled and packed in crushed gift-wrapping paper. But April evenings are like this same aunt giving you a cup of chamomile tea and honey.
This April, my birthday comes with the message that sunshine...I can be sure of.
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~~ who seeks the shore where dreams outpour
Their floods in Slumber Seas
Lives all night long within a song
Of murmuring mysteries. ~