Wednesday, January 04, 2012

That weird feeling

Last night. I wrote about the knot of anxiety in my stomach. Early this morning, I got a text from my father. My uncle had passed away due to a heart attack.

The day was very busy. I sensed some kind of discomfort in my heart. Tried to come to terms with it. Couldn't. Felt a little better when I received my offer letter from a Pune company I had interviewed for. I now need to look for a home there as I need to shift base by the 20th of this month. Have spread the word on twitter and facebook. Also, written to a couple of people whose details I got off Makaan and MagicBricks. No leads yet.

As the day progressed, this sense of fear came back. A weird sense of loss. I don't think it was my uncle. I wasn't too close to him. But of course, he was part of my childhood. And that, I guess, inextricably binds you to someone. Somehow, I feel that the year hasn't really begun for me. It still has the stale dishwater feel of last year's rinses.

I was so restless and anxious to get out tonight. Oddly, I had thought staying in Mira Road would put me in touch better and faster with the rest of the world. I get the feeling that maybe Vashi is better connected. Of course, this could be because I am not really used to Mira Road. But still, I feel people from Vashi are getting out to go to different spots all over the city. From Mira Road, they usually only travel the Western line.

A friend called me up to wish him happy birthday. I did. Very contrite I was about forgetting his birthday. Truly. He's been such a good friend over the years. He was the first one in life to have organized a surprise birthday party for me. We'd gone to a Barista in town. I think it was near Regal or Sterling. He'd brought a large, thick chocolate cake and a couple of sleepy friends. We cut the cake and clinked our cappuccino cups and sipped our coffee. I think I was 22 or 23 then.

At 11:40 p.m., I stepped out of the house to go meet him at a nearby CCD. I miss Bandra. I miss the Bombay of before. When there weren't so many dogs as now. Even if there weren't as many streetlights, the darkness was friendlier. I miss the time when my heart was more open. I miss the Bombay when my head was held high.

As I walked down the road, a couple of auto rickshaws tooted their horns, peered at me, slowed a little, and then whizzed by. A very handsome young boy drove by in a long, silver car. He gave me a long look, seemed a little unsure, but drove anyway. When I walked ahead, I saw him park the car on the side. He was even more handsome up close. Something very aquiline about his features. About his stance. Mighty but could take flight any minute.

I think I stared at him a little too long. He seemed embarrassed and looked away even though he'd been looking at me first. I walked past. The CCD was shut. Opposite the coffee place, though, is a really nice Chinese place called 'Marvins'. It was past closing time but my friend and his buddies had managed to sneak inside and get a table.

We cut a pineapple cake. My friends ate some spicy Chinese starters. They also had a pale, beige looking soup they enjoyed. I sipped a chilled Coke. One of them said I'd put on a lot of weight. He's the same guy who's told me I'll die this year. Got a little pissed off with him but that's only because he's right.

They dropped me off home and I sat in front of the computer trying to type this out, look for agents on magic brick, and find an answer. I need sleep. I need this feeling to melt away. It won't until I sleep unfettered for a while.

I think I'm just a bit high strung right now.

Good night, I wish you all.


Vinita said...

Good night, Mukta. Hope you could sleep better after writing this. I'm very sorry to hear the news about your uncle. But, great news about your job, you're going back to Pune. You love that place, don't you? I fondly remember how often you used to write when living there. Hope it's wonderful this time round too. I'll definitely ask my sis for possible homes - do you need it to be in Pune or is outskirts ok like the Pimpri-Chinchwad area fine?

Mukta said...

:-) my office is on Baner Road. I want it to be in proper Baner or Aundh. I'd like it to be close to office,. Any leads will be most helpful. Thanks so much Vinita!