Skip to main content

A little sad...just a little bit

I feel a little blue today. Very close to tears, but it's a slightly stubborn sort of wistfulness. It pains me somewhere in the chest, makes me forget my breathing, and then gets possessive about this territory in my throat. It doesn't move. I wish I read something sad, or listened to an ode - some thing that will thaw this clump of jagged, piercing ice and it will just trickle down my being. I could be free again.

It felt worse earlier on in the evening though. The weather had just turned dramatic and wild. There was thunder and thin, veiled gnarled flashes of lightning. The sky seemed to shudder like a sheet of stage art. The wind was ready to rip through the sheet and disclose the puppeteers who stood behind it. For a moment, I held my breath. I was mesmerized. The moment passed on, though, and I felt blue again.

Slowly, over the next few minutes, the air had become cooler. My prickly melanchony was getting blunt. I could feel the sawdust of my tristesse getting shaved off. And steadily, I felt lighter. The world still felt blue. But it was a blue my own blue could mingle with. Get diluted a little, hold its own, and yet get carried on forever.

That's how I will get through the rest of the night. With my sadness riding on a stronger, more beautiful sadness. I will get through the way sunlight gets carried by the sea.

Comments

Unknown said…
hi sad one, i used to follow ur post some 3 years back and am surprised, gone is the ditzy(a wee bit) zanny bubbly character inhabiting the virtual space and in its place is this stranger..well hello stranger. trust u will be back again. waiting for the bubble gum to flash again.

Popular posts from this blog

First Impressions: How to Get Away with Murder (Netflix)

 I love courtroom dramas.  I love non-linear storytelling. I love thrillers. I love tender love stories that embellish such series of grit, grime, and blood. This series delivers on all counts, dips somewhat after a couple of seasons, gets uneven and predictable (when it is less courtroom and more drama) and then finishes strong. The series centers around Annalise Keating who is a fierce, black criminal lawyer who also teaches a class in criminal law (which she calls 'How to Get Away with Murder'). As a teaching methodology, she gets her class to weigh in on her live cases. Part of her strategy also involves picking a handful of promising students and have them work in her 'lab' where they get to help her in strenuous arguments and civil suits, etc. The plot thickens, a murder happens, people get involved, incriminated, incarcerated, and dead. I found a couple of characters in this cast to be really unlikeable - Michaela, Laurel, and Bonnie. After the first couple of se

That kind of a day, that kind of a thought

 It was Eid and Ekadashi today. Thus far, I have managed to keep the fast for Ekadashi. But we still have 2 hours to go so...let's see. I had this urge to go to a temple. There is a small one near my house. Today it was filled with people singing keertans. So I went to the  Iskcon. I like the temple. It's so big and bustling. It's organised and musical.  But today was very crowded. Usually I go to temples and do a quick pranaam without offering flowers or fruits. But I felt like buying a thali. I got one with some fruits, tulsi leaves and a single marigold flower that lay there like a fully energized petaled sun. There was a long queue and I was already feeling stressed in the pit of my stomach. But the line kept moving and just like that, I had my darshan and I got done.  I came out and thought of getting a flower for the pooja room in my home. I bought a lotus. The florist fluffed out the petals and it looked like a sweet little bird.  I caught an auto back and as is my n

A very bad mood

 I have been trying to sleep for a while but have not been able to. I am in a very bad mood. Turns out I am very averse to change. Things are crap.  Deep breaths are not helping. I am feeling very trapped. The anger and irritation is quite intense. Let me take a few moments to just quietly watch myself.  Works