Help me

You know, if there is a God, he didn’t quite think things through. I mean, why give bad teeth to people and make them suffer unnecessary pain? And to top it all, endow them with a crippling phobia of dentists? Why? What lesson can possibly be learnt through wanting to blow your brains out?

I have really bad teeth. Yes, I neglect them, but I don’t think I have done anything that merits this kind of anguish. The number of root canals I’ve had is unbelievable! I’m sure my mouth has tiny bacteria sitting in gondolas, singing while moving from the passageway of one tooth to another.

With the current pain that befalls me, almost blinding in scope and capacity, I think the bacterial infection is not so much touristy in nature, but migratory. They don’t want to visit and head back to where they came from. They are here to stay.

I need relief fast. I’ll go to the dentist when I can muster up enough courage, but for now, I want some quick remedy that will just please please stop this pain!

Actually what I really need is a team of tiny dentists who’d live inside my mouth, working gently and skilfully at whatever cavities I might have. They’ll clean my molars, and polish my teeth, and gently scrape away any decay that might hurt my gums.

Now, this is thinking things through. And not that it’s the first time the thought has occurred to me, but it bears repeating all the same – I should be God.