An 'ode' to everyone who spends one life getting out of a situation, spends the next one repenting it, and the third one consoling themselves that it was all for the best.
I hear them talk
On and on
About how its all for the best
How they’re better off
Without the grime
How they’re better off than the rest
I hear them talk
On and on
About how much happier they are
How miserable they were in proximity
And how much better it is afar
It would be easier to believe
If I didn’t see the longing in their eyes
If I didn’t notice their hopeful stares
On things they so loudly despise
How they say ‘I’m meant for better things’
And yet wait to be called back
How they say ‘It feels complete now’
Yet live with a sense of lack
I hear them trying to convince themselves
That its fabulous to be away
I see them break when the realization hits
They’re not really being asked to stay
I sense the keen longing
Of a validation that doesn’t come
I listen to the distraught judgment
That now, it’s all muck and drudgery and scum
They say this place will never have
All the treasures they want to find
They talk themselves into believing
That they’ve left all this behind
I watch as they try to fool themselves
And rattle on hard and fast
And as they try to forget the fact
That they’ve been forsaken at last
And when they turn to me and say
In voices all brittle and new
I stop myself from glibly quoting
To thine ownself be true
And when they start blaming the place
For their bruises and their falls
It’s tempting to point to them and say
“But you never had it in you at all.”
It’s tempting to hush and stop
And brook the weary tirade
And say
“You didn’t have to try so hard…
And you’d have it easily made.”
The disappointment isn’t about
Witholding bounty with reserve
It’s about understanding simply, but acutely
You got what you deserved.
I hear them talk
On and on
About how its all for the best
How they’re better off
Without the grime
How they’re better off than the rest
I hear them talk
On and on
About how much happier they are
How miserable they were in proximity
And how much better it is afar
It would be easier to believe
If I didn’t see the longing in their eyes
If I didn’t notice their hopeful stares
On things they so loudly despise
How they say ‘I’m meant for better things’
And yet wait to be called back
How they say ‘It feels complete now’
Yet live with a sense of lack
I hear them trying to convince themselves
That its fabulous to be away
I see them break when the realization hits
They’re not really being asked to stay
I sense the keen longing
Of a validation that doesn’t come
I listen to the distraught judgment
That now, it’s all muck and drudgery and scum
They say this place will never have
All the treasures they want to find
They talk themselves into believing
That they’ve left all this behind
I watch as they try to fool themselves
And rattle on hard and fast
And as they try to forget the fact
That they’ve been forsaken at last
And when they turn to me and say
In voices all brittle and new
I stop myself from glibly quoting
To thine ownself be true
And when they start blaming the place
For their bruises and their falls
It’s tempting to point to them and say
“But you never had it in you at all.”
It’s tempting to hush and stop
And brook the weary tirade
And say
“You didn’t have to try so hard…
And you’d have it easily made.”
The disappointment isn’t about
Witholding bounty with reserve
It’s about understanding simply, but acutely
You got what you deserved.
Comments
Who knows, maybe they were right
The fact that that they're in misery now
does not suggest the past was bright
It's only to say things would be different somehow.
It could have been better, it could have been worse
it's only an exercise for the mind, a mental chart
who's to tell, no one ever knows
for you cannot judge of what your are not a part
Getting what you deserved
That is the fact, like it or not
It's a choice that has been made
it's the direction one had desperately sought.
It can never be one way or the other
Life isn't like that, or maybe I have no clue
It's more like a gamut of colors
All you have is a certain hue.
Exactly! :)
I got what I deserved
that's exactly what I'm happy about.
It's all come down to this moment, this now
I'm alive and well, let me merrily shout.
:)
That proximity that was mine, was never yours
to feel the fire, know and scare
Only I know, how truly blessed I feel
that it went away. something in this universe seems fair
:)
of course the longing is there
of the stars, the moon, the love that's truly mine
so sometimes i stare, and cry out in pain
when my eyes spot something seemingly divine
:)
and of course i'm meant for better things
that which was, had reduced me to nay
and of course i feel complete(r) now
this silly sense of lack, is fleeting, not here to stay
:)
o muk, sweet muk, sweet, dear, dear muk
if only i could show you what i feel
how much better my world is, my life, it's mine
i wake up shiny and new each day, head to heel
:)
i don't want treasures, never really wanted them
all i ever needed (still do) is love
that smile, that hug, that sweet reassurance
that hand in my hand, of my sweet turtle dove
:)
the rattling? ah! that rattling, was a song
and a dance with my dear
not knowing that i was being watched
nay, judged. so closely, and keenly, and so near
:)
so judge me, narrow your eyes,
write pretty verses, and pass judgements
but know that my life is mine
my shoe, where it pinched me, how i lament
:)
and yes, along with all the joys and laughs
life is full of hardships, pain that makes you bend
i shall rattle on, with you, to you
unabashedly, nay, loudly, cos you are my friend ..
:)
you have been around happy people, right? so you know that genuinely happy people don't try too hard. And when they do, it's because they're trying to cover up something. That's human nature... everyone does it. Everyone who walks the earth.
Also, genuinely happy people don't go out of their way to convince others that they are happy.
To reach there, one must accept the truth, right? Otherwise one will be stuck in some sort of irreconcilable dichotomy.
Oh, and you think that this poem is about you? Nope...its not. It's about a lot of people, (including myself - the way i was when i was in pune). But the fact that it...ahem...struck a chord, or touched a nerve, or inspired or exhorted...i suppose it goes to show i'm on to something, yeah?
and its perfectly human to want to revisit...my only problem is with the heavy-handed cloaking that goes on.
In any case, my point began with a contention that problems are to be solved and not complained about. I know it is tempting to share. But sometimes that sharing becomes off-loading...with no thought or regard to how the other person is feeling. Sometimes the person one complains to doesn't even get a chance to get his/ her words in sideways. That's my deal. Ultimately, a problem can only have two approaches to it, right? Solve it or live with it. And niether is possible when one is stuck in the past.
problems can be classified into 3 types:
1. Ones that can be solved, and you would pretty well know.
2. Ones you know can't be solved, and you'd know as well!
3. Can be solved? You're not sure.
Now you solutions could either be:
a. act(work to solve).
b. do nothing (act, in a way)
c. brood over(seek input).
d. crib/worry (no input, sheer output),
a, b and c are constructive means, and d, which does seem lucrative (for instant mental gratification), is a major waste of time, energy, etc.
Now, to solve Problems of type 1, you need solution type a, and type 2, you seek b.
For the problem type 3:
Complaining could be, an action, when you know, the one you're addressing holds the key to the problem, or it could be brooding over, if you're just seeking a third party point of view, maybe to clear things at your own perspective.
Till one is sure of what one is doing (I assume you to have that much consciousness), from options c, and d, and it is not purely d, one can go on complaining. It's constructive in a way.
When you realize it's just d, give up!! There are better things to do for your restless mind.
I have wasted so much time like that, and I know it's only human to succumb to d but the key thing to remember is: "The time you have is finite. Use it judiciously."
I keep life simple.