Monday, November 17, 2008

Weirdo Monday!

I am feeling very weird now. Everything just feels topsy-turvy. Nothing’s making sense anymore, and I don’t think things will ever settle into neat little rows and columns in my head. They are more like little isolated pieces of dots but they are so far apart that they can’t be connected anymore.

It’s only November now, but I have already started thinking in terms of resolutions. The other day I was asking my friends what their resolutions were, and they were generally faffing through something. Because no-one can seriously have a resolution of wearing a banana peel. What’s the resolution in that? Will a generation that does not understand/ endorse the concept of commitment understand the need to resolve? Yes…that is what is irritating me – the need to resolve. Why must we take stock? Why must we commit to making tomorrow better? Why is there an innate, as well as an overt need, to consecrate your efforts and decide.

Earlier I used to believe that decisions set you free. I dislike uncertainty. But now I wonder what is wrong with not doing anything, not deciding anything. It is so much less tiring to let life just dribble whichever way it wants to and not actually make one’s mind up regarding anything at all. I am feeling sick and sleepy and I just want to curl up now and sleep and wake up in 2050.

2009 promises to be a year of some hard decisions. And I am getting a taste of that now already. I hope there was some way in which I could slink out of a whole lot of situations and let someone else do the deciding…maybe someone nice who bakes raisin bread for a living. They seem to be hearty and wholesome. That’s what I need. Moments and experiences that are soft, fuzzy, warm and wholesome. Not brittle, bright, jagged and sharp. Yes, those times have been fun, but now I feel like I have had enough.

I am tired.

5 comments:

omnithere said...

i wish you could come over and rest a while. and resolutions rarely work (for some/many!?!), mostly becos if change is imminent/desirable, one changes it today, and not appoint a day in the future for it to take place. things that have to happen, will happen. i wish i was there to ... just stand in front of you and smile ... :)

Joe said...

you need a drink.

actually, given how resigned you sound, you need an entire bottle.

2050? if you sleep until then, you'll miss Barrack Obama's reelection. Not to mention George W Bush the III'rd becoming President of the Democratic republic of Texas.

Aries said...

There's a pithy line that says "Life's what you make it". The Mercedes Benz S Class used it as its catch phrase when it was launched. Come to think of it, life is short - all told, its 3640 weekends if you live to be 70. So why not take the reins rather than let it meander?

Take Joe's advice and a recipe for a strong concoction that'll buck you up. And then think again.

crab said...

Hope those weird monday blues will subside soon :)

Ads said...

I agree^n