Wednesday, July 06, 2005

What was that word again?

I have two friends who are 'seeing' each other. They are seeing what it means to be together, to sit and talk for hours, to walk together and be silent, to introduce each other to friends, to go on picnics by themselves, or to crash at each other's homes. They are checking out how much they can tolerate each other - with affection or indifference; or whether they can tolerate each other at all.

I'll call my girl pal X and guy pal, Y. (after the chromosomes - cliched but clever..and also alliterative.)

Y calls up to fix a dinner date. X ignores the calls because she doesn't feel like talking to him. He calls thrice, messages 5 times, mails twice, and then gives up. Goes for movie with roomie and has beer.

X asks Y if he is free the week-end. Y says he is busy with his stunning female friend who has just come into town for a seminar. It's been a while since they met after college so they'd like to be by themselves. Y is sure X 'will understand.' Y spends the weekend watching cricket with his roomies. There is no stunning friend. There never was any stunning friend.

X and Y go shopping. Y happens to mention that the last girl he dated wore a size 26, not a size 30. X is hurt and storms out of there. Y continues to shop and goes for a movie at the mall. X waits at the car park expecting her guy to come out and say sorry.

X looks over Y's sweat pants and says that her ex-boyfriend only wore designer labels - the kind that wasn't sold in Bangkok. (manufactured there, sure - but sold, no.)

One evening they are sweet to each other. He says he's been having second thoughts about her..and they're better than the first ones. She coos that he has eyes like a poet.

Then something happens. He wants to check out whether she is serious about him, so he asks her to 'find a girl' for himself - - to see if she gets jealous.

She says that she'll ask Nikhil to find one for him. Who's Nikhil? Her office colleague who she went out with - the nite X was with his 'stunning college friend.'

I talk to each of them separately. We all work in BPOs and there's no way we can all meet together. Individually I ask them, 'Why do you treat him/her that way?' Individually, they stay silent.

'You like him/her, don't you?', I ask. 'He/She deserves better than this.'

Individually, they explain, 'Yeah...but it's not like ...we are committed or anything.'

'Really? But he's said he loves you...and you said you loved him.'

'Yeah..but it's not like he/she's agreed to a lifetime commitment or anything. Nobody talked about marriage.'

At this point, I get exasperated and go back to office.

Here's the strange thing...once you say that you love someone, you ARE committed. You are committed to not disregard the other person's feelings. You don't play mind games, you don't act selfish, you don't ignore calls, you don't calculate to hurt, you don't string the other person along, and you most certainly don't make the other person feel like an after-thought. You simply treat people with a basic decency.

When you say 'I love you', you don't marry; but you do commit.

Great people make these sort of ‘commitments’ for the sake of a conscience or a character. Some others do it for courtesy. Still others do it for love.

So many reasons and see, nobody did talk about marriage.


Ash said...

Yeah, the L-word is really thrown about needlessly...
..seriously, "I love you" has lost all its real meaning...its become as staid as hello and goodbye.

anumita said...

Only in love people hurt, only in love people go crazy, only in love people act cruelly...
There must be a reason... isnt it obvious?

anubhav said...

Being in a relationship has become a status symbol.

Desire for commitment in a relationship is reckoned as an extenuation for not having a relationship.

Nagesh Pai said...

When the inhabitants of Mars and Venus unite in Love, it is not uncommon to see such funny exchanges, despite the fact that only those two can explain .

Apart from providing warmth a slight feeling of insecurity does help in enriching a relationship. Else things are bound to be taken for granted. However the levels of this "insecurity" must be maintained with care. Else the other extreme is much more devastating.


Nagesh Pai said...

Whoa! Mukta three great blogs for the day!! somehow the number three seems to be coincidental :-). Thats a great compensation for the weekend lull.


thoughts said...

hope ur friends read the blog and got the message!

Rabin said...

You know what, I would agree with your friends. Infactuation has a clever way of masking itself as love. This way, if things don't work out it doesn't get messy.

Its better this way than to end up hating each other in a couple of years and being stuck togather.

I think committment should take its own time. Since it deals with the investment of a lifetime. Think for a minute by looking at your mate, if your really want your grandchild to have this personality :)

Mukta said...

Hi Ash, still lives in hope., i suppose.

hello pal who doesn't stay overnite (u know who u are),
come on! we dont hurt the ones we love

Hi Anubhav,
I guess u are right...but no..wait..matters of the heart sometimes are just that - matters of the crazy, infuriatingly obstinate heart.

Hi Nagesh,
What you say is true but finding that balance is really difficult. In the meantime, one should just be decent and polite and nice. I sound blithe and shallow...i'll give up now.

Hi thoughts,

Nope..they don't read my blogs. but i'm hoping they make peace soon.

Hi R,

I agree - let time take its own course. I'm only saying that you shouldn't play games and hurt the other person knowingly. I mean, what... okay, i won't be able to make a compelling argument here so will stop.

And as for the grand kids personality...hmm!

jaygee said...

When you commit to love.. thats all you should commit to love selflessly. not love to expect something in return.
And on another note, you only seek to hurt people who mean much more to you.