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 It has been a surreal couple of days. I went to the pagoda in Gorai to check out the Vipassana retreat. Had gone with a friend. I have lately been interested in exploring Vipassana and as it turns out, there was a free 10-minute session where they taught us ana pana - the breathing technique of watching your breath. I can't explain how nourishing that was. I definitely want to do the 10-day course.

I have taken leave for a couple of days from work because some resetting is required. And after my contract is up after 140 days or so, I will take an extended leave to just think about all the things I have learned in life. 

Anyway, driving through Gorai was plush and beautiful. I had booked a cab from Bandra to Gorai and back and also paid for our snacks and drink. For the first time, I was so so glad that I am financially independent - so just independent but in the flush - to afford things like this. Of the many many things that I am grateful for - I am grateful that I'm not a housewife who had to rely on her husband to provide. And I'm not a man who does not earn enough to take care of a companion or worse, live off her. Truly...this much of how my life has turned out is a miracle. Interestingly, my mother had told me this - that at all times, earn enough to afford a place of your own, food on your table, clothes on your back, and your own entertainment. If someone splurges for you, accept with grace - should it come your way. But know that if you cannot afford that, be carefully aware of that at all times.

You live on anyone's money - you allow them control over your mind. Of that there is no question. It so happens that at this point, I earn more - much more than the men I meet. Not clients or people who provide me service - just friends or acquaintances or distant relatives. I can sense that they are a little uncomfortable. Especially when until then they have been ranting about how their wives spend their money without bringing in anything (it is another matter that she has been slaving over the kitchen and bringing up their inept and useless children.) And this is what housewives don't get - that the men resent you for not working hard enough and not earning enough. They may not say it openly - because the sex will be withheld or cooking won't happen or those useless, inept children will not be attended to - but that happens. Men are such consummate hypocrites that they will not come right out and say that they don't want to be with a woman who does not earn much. But when they meet someone like me, they happen to say, "I wish my wife was more like you." They are obviously not talking about my cooking skills. I don't have any. It is this - that I am self-reliant - enough to take care of myself and two other households. 

After the pagoda, my friend and I went to a small resort. We sat by the sea. He went on talking about a few things. I have noticed this about the men I meet - they have a deep need to communicate all their philosophies to me. I don't know why. Most of them don't read - so there comes a confidence from being ill-read I suppose - where you feel all your 'ideas' and 'thoughts' are the definitive answer to everything. But be that as it may, we sat there. The sky was a pure, cornflower blue, the sea was brown at first but then it became a gorgeous grey and the sunlight glinted off the waves like a baby's smile. Palm trees and jackfruit trees abounded. It was lovely. It was simple. That's the word - everything around me there was simplicity. And that was perfect.

 I think with all my resources I should examine that - ways and means to incorporate that simplicity.