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It has been a rough and tumble day. Gut is acting up. Stress I bet - slacking off on exercise, overeating, and weird sleeping habits. Today I was exhausted after 4 meetings. Anyway, day began, day got over. Feedback from the client was great, and all this was fine.

Today I was thinking back to the time that I was blown by the Component Display Theory - David Merrill's elegant framework for learning design. Basically, he plotted learning along the two curves of an axis - types of content and levels of performance. Along the types of content, we have facts, concepts, procedures, and principles. Along levels of performance, we have remember, use, and find. If one even understood one of the axis properly, one would have a very strong anchoring in instructional design. One would know the various types of content and, importantly, be familiar with the two categories of memory that one tackles - associative memory and algorithmic memory. Associative memory consists of organizing information according to a hierarchy or some type of similar information architecture. Algorithmic memory on the other hand tackles the creating of new schema and mental models. According to Merrill's CDT, a good training program would cater to both. 

Merrill was also very big on learner control - and now when I revisit the theory I wonder if there even is an alternative. Learner interest itself is central to control whether they have any choice on the matter of presentation or not. I think one reason micro-learning does not work is when we use the incorrect forms of instructional presentation for a skewed memory type.

Having coffee now. Feeling very lost somehow. Work is good - deep and rich. Should just shut out the sound and focus on that. 

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 A lot has happened today. Looks like it will be tight and tough at work. But no matter. Things are always easier when you have the right people in your corner. It will require a very systematic mindset though. My Vedanta teacher talks about removing emotions from actions..from psyche, in fact. If not remove, ask it to move aside and let cool and calm demeanor take it's place. Ut is not easy of course but it does help that a lot of emotions are really labels of conditioning. You feel bad because you believe this is supposed to hurt you. It takes a second to realise that your true attitude towards that thing being said is not really bad. 

Well, Vedanta or not, when you steer clear of the labelling, truth does emerge.

There's so much to finish now. Just.so.much.

Still - like Tolkien said... little by little, one goes far. 

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Very tired but overall a decent day.

A really long-running project got done. That was a good sign. Truly...as Tolkien said, "Little by little, one goes far "

Didn't work out yesterday or today and some overeating has been happening. Given the weather it does feel lethargic. But no matter, there's always tomorrow for course correction.

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 Life is good. Sometimes I get the feeling that things will get volatile in the world very quickly. But as if today, there was peace enough to look out and see tree-tops with a cloud of dusty pink flowers peeking out of deep green leaves. The sudden that abounds thus neighborhood has always been heartening. 

Went to this artisanal bakery and bought tasty honey loaf bread and focaccia with rosemary. Will toast some bread tomorrow and have with wild honey and maybe keep the focaccia for later to have with warm soup. 

Work was okay. Didn't go as fast as I would have liked. But let's see. One lives for another day. 

Started with the first chapter of this immensely charming collection of vignettes, "The Summer Book" by Tove Jansson. Something about discovering a new author, a new book, and a new world feels enchanting. Like the unexpected neighborhood gorgeousness of a tree in full bloom. 

As the song goes, "...another day in paradise."

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Glorious thunder and lightning today. Woke up to an exceptionally dark sky. I was a little miffed because today too I would have to do some rewrites instead of the work I was assigned to do. But things didn't turn out that way. It was all a little bit okay. But there's heavy rewrite coming up soon.

But one will get to it when one gets to it. Unfortunately there was heavy rain today so Papa could not travel here. I wasn't expecting him to come but send the driver. But it's okay. I had wanted to then go to Vashi at night but a call took longer than expected. Then thought I would go to the gym. It's going to be a strenuous month. Will need endurance. 

The work itself is really good. The things with designing pure technical and engineering training is the chance to apply some of the earliest precepts of instructional design - the outlay and application of first principles and systems thinking. Once I get done with all the rewrites, I think I will get to do the fresh writing of a few pieces that look like they will turn out awesome if done well. That will be the endeavour.

It is sad that the entry barrier to instructional design is so low in India. You can see it in the inability of people to write systematically and cohesively. You can see it in their unwillingness to read anything. 

People feel that one's attention to detail is in catching misspelled words or errant comma conventions. I don't think so. I think good instructional design can be done in any language. It is in the ability to catch and convey nuance. Nuance itself has been a casualty in today's times. So maybe there's that.

I picked up another luscious book today. Just started and the Preface is fresh, lilting, and wholesome...like a Beatles song. 

Life could be better. Could be worse. But there's good work to look forward to. That makes for a solid day all in all.

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 It was a relatively relaxing day, replete with some procrastination. Had to do some editorial work but didn't. Instead did some reading of fiction. I love reading fiction, especially when it is written with ease and feels juicy. Sometimes an author does a lot of research and burdens the story with so many factoids that it's as if the reader must pay for all the struggles that the writer went through. 

This novel that I am reading (and will write about it later after I finish it) is not exceptionally written but it keeps you going. In fact I am in the last 100 pages and I have sub-consciously slowed down the pace because I don't want it to finish. But I equally impatient to finish it because it is a thriller. The tug is good.

Went to Nature's Basket to buy a few things for Papa but wasn't able to make it to Vashi today. But will do in the following week.

A heavy work week begins tomorrow. But for today, it was lovely rainy day. I was out at 11 pm and while returning looked up at the sky. It's always magical to see raindrops against the light of a street lamp...pretty shards of fallen dreams. But the sky beyond the coconut fronds were a mix of blue, indigo, and black - like veins under an old person's eyes... there's sorrow, there's wisdom, and there's a silent salute to fate.

Today was good.

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 Crossed 400 days of recording life through its ebbs and flows. Nice! Over 1 year...that is precious. I have had the blog a long time but there have been long periods where I haven't written anything. But this stint of 401 days has been reasonable regular. And in this time I have worked through several tough situations. Now that I think about this, regular writing has resulted in better resilience. 

Today was a lovely day. Met Papa and we had a really lovely conversation. Then my friend and I tried out a grill place in New Bombay. The charred, grilled brocoli was tasty as were the really soft paneer tikka. The cauliflower flowerets were okay. 

Ride back home was long but it was drizzling and it was gorgeous listening to music. 

Good good day.

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 Today was a good enough day. Some work got signed off. I love curriculum planning. It is tough and stretches a part of your brain you don't use if you are working on one topic, one assessment, one component...the perspective for the macro is quite juicy.

When something gets signed off in one go, it is a huge relief. 

There were a few other things I had to finish off and send. Mostly a hefty amount of rewrite involved. I was really exhausted by the end of the day or submission time. But...you have to dip into your reserve and see things through.

Anyway, it is what it is.

Sometimes the happy thought is that today you showed up. And just by virtue of that, you carped diem. 

The Troll update

 They now lurk on LinkedIn in incognito mode. I mean, such capacity to demean oneself everywhere is precious. 

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 Today let's talk about the hoax of the 'creative' person. The one who takes up a job because he is not reaching anywhere with his music or acting or film-making career. Can't show up on time, does shoddy work, doesn't have the guts to clean up his own mess when things go wrong at work - because apparently all that professional courtesy and smidgeon of character is reserved for 'the art' - except that the art is also left bereft of it. Why? Because as Aristotle said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act but a habit." 

The dishonesty in attitude, the non-committal stance that constantly faces rejection until they are told to leave - all of that gets channeled into vitriolic fervor to badmouth people, to shirk responsibility, to refuse to accept that time after time, they came up lacking.

And then that dishonesty seeps into the core. And before they know it, they become jaded with unexpressed potential because they didn't have the grit, discipline, and decency to honor it well.

Creativity is a label. Like all labels, it limits and defines.

And if the 'side jobs' you take up to supplement your main job is not met with basic professional courtesy (think missed deadlines, languid communication, empty gossip, commitments that mean nothing), you have lost the heart that made you creative in the first place. 

The label that read 'Creative' before reads 'Has-been' now. 

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 Today was also a good day. Some steadfast headway at work. Not as much as I would have liked. Oh, interestingly, the gutter troll insinuated that we work together. And then the pus-worm got scared that maybe they said too much - if we work together and they are abusing me, that can't bode well. Then they went scuttling like a rodent to hide their gender. Dear troll, you can relax. I don't think you have it in you to be a good worker anywhere. If you are one. And your gender is cowardice. Good luck sitting across your family with such a pusillanimus persona and going into a dingy corner to abuse someone online. I mean, really good luck. It takes a lot to be this degraded and chicken and be a parent or a partner to someone. And if you are employed anywhere, someone else is working to clean up your mess. So you can go nothing, take leave, wimp out, and in the garb of "work-life balance", stew in an unaddressed truth - that you don't have a spine. 

Actually that's it - you are a coward because you are corrupt.

For several others who might be reading, you may well think - why do I write about this viper. Because this person is representative of a specific kind of rot. I have seen this kind of commentary and stink for a long time. Mine is a public blog and a lot of people, even those I work with or for, read it. This kind of bullying is not new. But this person, from whatever farcical wholesomeness they project, could be parents. They could be the sort who bully their kids or who drive their kids to addiction or suicide because they feel it is okay to adopt a superior stance and attack from shadows. 

It so happens that the readership of this blog is getting younger. And bullying and abuse from bugs is common. It is scary if you are related to one. But stay honest and brave. Say things on the face. And someday those idiots will back down. 

My SIM has not been working since 4 days. Hadn't had the opportunity to go and get that sorted. Did that now.

There have been a barrage of messages from brokers. Apparently the property prices in this area have gone up. As have the rentals. Don't know why. Considering there has been water problems and such. But...the broker barrier needs to be set up now.

Went down the street for pani puri from Sweet Punjab. Had two plates. It is so tasty! I love the chaat from that place. The puris were fresh and crisp and the water was cool and tart. The sweet chutney had just the right viscosity. 

Quiet pockets of perfection. 

 

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So far a lovely day! Work has been smooth. A colleague shared a video of a Richard Dreyfuss interview where he was talking about a storm in a forest. (It has been a luscious stormy weather.)

Got a message from the bank...some long pending payment has come through. I had forgotten about it...that is strange because I don't generally forget about such large amounts. But I must have been swamped with work to keep track. But that's always good. This is what I love best - when you get a lot of cash as the month ends. So even on the last day of the month, you have plenty!

Had a good chat with a friend. She was telling me about the pretty ways she is decorating her house. 

And my cook made really yummy daal paratha today.

And of course, the cowardly troll behaved cowardly as usual. As I expected, language got abusive. Just as the gutless get. Must be awfully hard to live like such a lily-livered doormat. I bet 'Unknown' is the handle they used because that's who they are and will be.

Started a new book today. Yesterday actually. Looks promising. Let's see.

Found an old silk sari I had bought in Pune many years ago...a turquoise blue and pink saree with silver strawberries embroidered all over the pallu. There used to be a lovely little saree shop at Balewadi. Small store that actually was supposed to be a tailoring shop but the tailor was a young guy who used to keep running off to Ahmednagar whenever he got the chance. But when he was there, he was good. This tailor had down a paper-bag style shorts with a dupatta. It looked so sharp! 

There was a time in Delhi when a neighbour would buy linen and cotton dupattas from Lajpat Nagar and stitch them into beautiful shirts and kurtas. So the main kurta would be a linen in a solid colour and the cuffs would be a pretty cotton print.

Will finish up some work after brewing some coffee. It's an opera out there with the weather! 

As it turns out...

 The troll was back again. From some open crack in the gutter I suppose - where the commitment to medicrity had worn out. How strange - the beggary for approval and validation. There you have it, insect. Happy now?

397

 It was such a delectable day! I think taking a day off on Monday is a gorgeous idea. I had read somewhere that Monday is the day of the moon, of goddess, of the Feminine...this is ideally the day to take it easy and luxuriate in 'fursat'. The fact that we work on Mondays and make it the starting point of all hassling crazy weeks is why we are harangued. When you take a Monday off, you really see the sense in that.

Finished 'The Invisibility Cloak' by Ge Fei. On a whim, went to Subko on Chapel Road with my novella and left my phone at home. It was such a good idea! That uninterrupted reading time that felt so nourishing and the deep conversations I had with someone else sitting at the community table...it was excellent. He told me about James Baldwin's debate in Oxford or Cambridge with a White supremacist and an anecdote of Salinger and his editor regarding Catcher in the Rye. It felt so nice! And then I stepped off into a drizzly Bandra and a buzzing Hill Road.

Did some shopping at Miniso, got bathmats and the like and returned home to more novels delivered by Amazon.

Tomorrow work begins. Likely never-ending work begins. But that makes this possible. We will tackle it. Until then, a good day with a glad heart!

Those...

 It has been a while since I received messages from cowardly trolls. Today, it happened - some 'Unknown' commenter made a comment. And the comment was made in two places - slightly edited because the innate insecurity is so pronounced that he or she cannot even commit to one strand of resentful thought. Clearly I hit their nerve center. Good. 

Now, I reckon there will be another comment from this parasitic consumer. I wonder if the only piece of creativity this gnome showed in 2025 was writing that comment. Likely.

This reminds me of the days when I had started blogging. I used to get such dark comments for everything - review of a movie, essay on an outing, etc. If I have kept this blog going for these many years, I think, is partially because of comments like this. It tells you that people hide a deep ugliness inside of them that they couch behind fake identities and vapid advice.

Long ago, I had talked to a person in Pune about an assignment. I was in the middle of some thing and had told him that I could take up the assignment later. He had asked me if I could promise him that I would give his work priority. I said Okay. He did not believe me and then he said - get this - mard ki zabaan. (Akinto gentleman's promise.) And as things turn out, he didn't give me work - kept me dawdling for a long time - and didn't have the guts to even connect with me directly to say that work wasn't happening. 

How are people okay with being gutless like this? Like this troll who crawled out from some gutter after doing the math on his or her existence and realizing that they are leeching their partner or parent or chid dry. This is likely the type of person who is living a lifestyle way beyond their means on inherited wealth or something and does some token work to bring in 30K and think they are financially independent. No. If you are earning 30k a month, learn to live with out Ola or Uber or a driver who draws a tidy fee.

Lumps of lies.

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 There are a couple of things that I am feeling deep resistance to; In such times when I feel that the journey is going to be so long and hard, it makes sense to have an end date of how things will move. My eyesight is so dim now, and I am feeling a deep restlessness about work. I have to have a call tomorrow and I don't even feel like having it. What purpose does it serve I wonder? To go through a series of tasks where I don't even feel like doing anything. 

Having an end date may help. It has helped me in the past. Need to see the finish line. If not see, then at least know that it is there.

There's a moth or a bug in front of me. I wonder if insects have their own variations of to-do lists.

Book: Dangerlok by Eunice de Souza

 (As published on LinkedIn)

Some caveats before I write about what I thought of the book - Eunice De Souza was the Head of Literature in St. Xavier's College, where I studied. I was a Sociology student and did not take up literature because I believed that academic rigor would rid me of any fondness I had for the subject. Still, I would watch Eunice enter class, talk to a group of adoring students, plan Ithaca (the lit fest) blowing a plume of smoke and arranging for funds and logistics with the wave of a condescending hand - and I would wonder if I had made the right choice. Once, the head of my department, a boisterous, dynamic lady (also the mum of a TV journalist and wife of an erstwhile cricketer), reviewed an article I had written for our Sociology magazine. She said it had 'no teeth' and was 'too studied'. She said that the Sociology magazine had no use for articles such as mine but maybe this kind of fluff would be accepted in the inhouse gazette of the Literature department. (There was a whole lot of semantics as part of that powerplay - magazine here, gazette there, zines for the Anthropology department, periodicals for History, . etc. Of course the department that never had to worry for any money at all ever - Economics - called it whatever it wanted. ("We have sponsors." End of argument.) Anyway, my Sociology teacher had passed it on to Eunice and she had reviewed my article. She called me one day to the staff room where she was having soda and was wearing a beautiful black and white printed cotton sari. She told me that the theme of Ithaca was different from what I had written about. (I had written about casteism and cars.) But my writing that the crude naivete of an earnest child that should be represented in Ithaca. She told me as much. I was elated after spending the 15 minutes of our conversation holding my breath. (She was quite intimidating.) She told me, "Your work is nether perfect not professional. But it is personal in way that you would not have if you studied literature."

It is something of an interesting study that what was said of my writing decades ago can be said of my corporate communication today - not perfect, not professional, but pure in a crude, amateurish sort of way. (Or one can hope.)

Anyway, back to the book.

The book is kind of a self-story centering around Rina Ferreira who teaches literature in an elite 'town' college. She is middle-aged and single. She has pet parrots and a bai who tells her of the weird kind of people who populate Bombay ('Dangerlok' - dangerous people. In colloquial Mumbai Hindi, would use the word 'danger' as an adjective to describe a place, a person, or situation. Like "Dharavi bahut danger hai." or "Sheela danger ladki thi." Dangerous people, in this book, are called Dangerlok - not 'log' the way we would say in Hindi. In Mumbai Hindi dialect, people will sometimes say 'slik' instead of 'silk'.) She owns a small flat in a society called 'Queen's Diamonds' and enjoys a cigarette and junglee tea ever so often when Bombay life wears her out.

Rina has a few friends who she meets in the Bombay joints of the early 2000s - Sundance and Yacht Club and all that. There is a reference to a lost love, David. There are references to sleazeballs whose attention is thwarted. But it's generally a recounting of a life that is lived in quiet flamboyance. Rina counsels her friends, talks to her neighbors who gossip about a 'kept woman' in the floor upstairs, wonders (or worries) about a degenerate generation, and attends panel discussions with alacrity.

To be honest, when I started reading, it felt like someone's blog in a paper format. I was not wholly taken in by it. But I am in the throes of a tough project now. So I was surprised by how much succour I was getting from these pages where nothing much is happening beyond a taxi strike. It could be that I was transported back to y college days because I know of the places and events that Eunice writes about (the Kosovo crisis). But what also held me was the sweet sprinkling of other literary giants - like Tukaram's poetry or Ezekiel's badly written autobiography.

In a way, the pages held the tenacity of tedium - something we do not regard as important today.

It's a nourishing read. Not perfect or professional. But personal in a way that points to high caliber considering it comes from someone who taught literature.

393, 394

 It has been a surreal couple of days. I went to the pagoda in Gorai to check out the Vipassana retreat. Had gone with a friend. I have lately been interested in exploring Vipassana and as it turns out, there was a free 10-minute session where they taught us ana pana - the breathing technique of watching your breath. I can't explain how nourishing that was. I definitely want to do the 10-day course.

I have taken leave for a couple of days from work because some resetting is required. And after my contract is up after 140 days or so, I will take an extended leave to just think about all the things I have learned in life. 

Anyway, driving through Gorai was plush and beautiful. I had booked a cab from Bandra to Gorai and back and also paid for our snacks and drink. For the first time, I was so so glad that I am financially independent - so just independent but in the flush - to afford things like this. Of the many many things that I am grateful for - I am grateful that I'm not a housewife who had to rely on her husband to provide. And I'm not a man who does not earn enough to take care of a companion or worse, live off her. Truly...this much of how my life has turned out is a miracle. Interestingly, my mother had told me this - that at all times, earn enough to afford a place of your own, food on your table, clothes on your back, and your own entertainment. If someone splurges for you, accept with grace - should it come your way. But know that if you cannot afford that, be carefully aware of that at all times.

You live on anyone's money - you allow them control over your mind. Of that there is no question. It so happens that at this point, I earn more - much more than the men I meet. Not clients or people who provide me service - just friends or acquaintances or distant relatives. I can sense that they are a little uncomfortable. Especially when until then they have been ranting about how their wives spend their money without bringing in anything (it is another matter that she has been slaving over the kitchen and bringing up their inept and useless children.) And this is what housewives don't get - that the men resent you for not working hard enough and not earning enough. They may not say it openly - because the sex will be withheld or cooking won't happen or those useless, inept children will not be attended to - but that happens. Men are such consummate hypocrites that they will not come right out and say that they don't want to be with a woman who does not earn much. But when they meet someone like me, they happen to say, "I wish my wife was more like you." They are obviously not talking about my cooking skills. I don't have any. It is this - that I am self-reliant - enough to take care of myself and two other households. 

After the pagoda, my friend and I went to a small resort. We sat by the sea. He went on talking about a few things. I have noticed this about the men I meet - they have a deep need to communicate all their philosophies to me. I don't know why. Most of them don't read - so there comes a confidence from being ill-read I suppose - where you feel all your 'ideas' and 'thoughts' are the definitive answer to everything. But be that as it may, we sat there. The sky was a pure, cornflower blue, the sea was brown at first but then it became a gorgeous grey and the sunlight glinted off the waves like a baby's smile. Palm trees and jackfruit trees abounded. It was lovely. It was simple. That's the word - everything around me there was simplicity. And that was perfect.

 I think with all my resources I should examine that - ways and means to incorporate that simplicity. 

390, 391, 392

 There is a lot to do and not too much time to do it. But there's a mug of tepid black coffee on my table and well, a long, long, long day ahead. 

387, 388, 389

 My cleaning lady is going to take leave tomorrow for her daughter-in-law's gowdh bharai (baby shower). Given the situation between India and Pakistan, I was worrying about this situation. Heard about the cease fire.

This evening was great! After a couple of days of bad headaches, it was lovely to paint by candle-light on the same canvas with my friend. 

Too tired to get into it now.But my friends art is the beautiful soothing composition of green yellow and blue accents. The hand is steady, the control is peaceful. The other part looks like an all you can eat buffet.

We ordered pizza. Paneer pizza was awesome! 

Very tired now. 

386

 I just completed doing the curriculum blueprint of a technical course and it was just so fulfilling. It is a tough job - so many parts to hold in your head as you lay out the framework, think of one learning outcome at a time, and then use interleaving principles to bring it all together. I absolutely love, love, love what I do - I think if there is anything that comes close to writing for me, it would be designing curriculum blueprints. This time it is for a hardcore technical course (engineering, no less). And while there are other aspects that are challenging, etc., this type of mind-bending design work I love.

Otherwise I had been feeling very restless today. I think we will see harsh and hostile times in the near future. It has been uneasy and unsettling. But it's okay. We will get through.

384, 385

 It was not a pleasant day yesterday at all. Just overall I think the vibe of this year is that there will be no help or support from any quarter. My mom used to say that I invite envy. I never believed her. She was my mom after all and I was very precious to her. But now I think she was right. It is sneaking up on me that sometimes people enjoy watching you struggle and fail. Just because...no reason. Logically one could say that their lives are diminished and all that. But I don't think that's the reason. Just as one may smile at a child on the other side of a window, one will get envious and wish ill for a friend. 

It's sad to wake up with this realisation every morning. But that's how things move. 

I don't understand why in my industry people are committed to being so dense. 

379, 380, 381, 382, 383

Everything is feeling meaningless now. There was a fire in the building opposite mine, there was a lunch with a friend, there were evenings with different friends, there is someone I worked with long back who has let me down badly...sometimes these events and emotions just feel like leaves and grass that get stuck to your clothes when you walk through wild grass. What really is significant?